2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Devaluation is a defense mechanism in our psyche, in which we reduce (or completely deny) the importance of what is really very important to us. You can devalue everything - yourself, other people, emotions, achievements. This behavior can be evidence of fatigue, burnout, lack of resources.
Why can't we accept something pleasant about ourselves, rewire our brain to the belief “I'm a nice person”? The reason lies in our childhood. As a child, we were given a mechanism for devaluing our successes and taught to use it. This is especially true of those successes that were important for us personally - they were simply not noticed by those close to us and the people around them, or they said: “Yes, and what is so important? Well, "five", just think! ". It didn’t fit in our head why at first they demanded a good grade from us, and then behaved in a similar way. As a result, we have learned to treat ourselves in this way, moreover, by doing something good, important and necessary, it is easier for us to devalue ourselves. The thing is that we are constantly in anticipation of strong frustration after experienced joy (now I’ll be glad, and then someone will say that all this is nonsense), so in advance, just in case (so that it doesn’t hurt more), we muffle our feelings. Are you familiar with these sensations?
If, at a deep level (into the unconscious) from childhood, the belief about ourselves “I’m some abnormal, not beautiful enough, smart, interesting, etc.” was introduced to us at a deep level (into the unconscious), having matured and faced with the opposite opinion of others, we return to our image of ourselves. At a deep level, we really want our image to be holistic and constant, not to contradict our knowledge of ourselves. If I know that I am not smart enough, and others say the opposite, this is not true (I know how in reality!). We prefer to continue to surround ourselves with false beliefs of our own, therefore, in every possible way, we will look for reasons and reasons, compare situations in order to confirm our vision, our picture of the world within consciousness. Even if some business is successful, we will find someone who will say: "You are bad!" (and we will only hear this person!).
Why is this happening? This person perfectly matches the image of the mother figure who raised you. And this form is very acceptable and convenient for you, otherwise you will begin to worry strongly that the world around you is unstable (“I am a bad person, but what others think differently means deception or manipulation. If I believe, I will be disappointed later, it will be even more painful ). There are many fears and anxieties in this zone, and it is important to understand what exactly you are afraid of at the moment of recognition of your successes and achievements. What will happen to you if you admit that you are great?
Why else can you devalue yourself? This is a good way to stop. Your unconscious is showing you that you are moving in the wrong direction or trying to fulfill your needs in the wrong way (or the wrong need!). It is likely that you continue to satisfy the need of the mother's figure (for everyone to be wonderful, to satisfy everyone), and if you cannot satisfy at least one person, mother will be upset. However, in any case, this is a good indicator that you need to stop and listen to yourself - you are not connected with your feelings and have lost the sensual part.
What to do? First of all, always catch yourself in the moments of depreciation and analyze the situation. Right now I am devaluing myself, concentrating on obsessive thoughts that I am doing something wrong - stop! How do I feel at the moment? Why am I anxious or scared? What happens if I admit a new reality, a new compliment about myself? Who am I continuing to please with my old knowledge of myself? What need am I trying to satisfy in this way? For example, by unconsciously satisfying the expectation of the mother's figure that you are a bad person (she expected so), you feel the need for love.
Analyze whose expectations you are used to meeting? And in what cases? Think back to the earliest childhood stories when you felt that something was wrong. Perhaps in some life circumstances you took on more responsibility than you should have, and no one thanked you for it. For example, the birth of a second child in a family - the parents left you for a while with the baby and did not thank you later. Return your thoughts to this situation and imagine a picture when you receive gratitude in return for what you did.
Review regularly your beliefs about yourself - sit down and write down your strengths and weaknesses, analyze what has changed, and embrace those changes. It is important to celebrate each day how you change, in which direction, and be grateful for these changes. Even if, in your opinion, you have stumbled somewhere, mark it and understand that this is a new experience that you can transform into something positive for yourself.
If you feel that your depreciation is due to a lack of resources and cannot praise yourself, reach out to people you trust and ask for positive feedback. Listen to them with an "open mouth", silently and accept everything said, and then just say "Thank you" and bring home all the knowledge you have gained about yourself, work it out, analyze and understand that the words were addressed to you. Learn to accept kind and warm words about yourself from others, train this skill. If in childhood you had few such positive moments, having received feedback from at least 10 people, at a certain stage you will have rejection (“No! I have a lot already!”), So train the ability to get positive and reject negative.
Recommended:
How To Learn To Rely On Yourself? Become A Kind Mother To Yourself
Each of us needs a mother - a person who cares and thinks about us, for whom our interests are above everything else. An adult becomes this mother for himself. Each of us has an “inner mother” - that part of the personality that is responsible for the care, love and support addressed to us.
We Take Off The Masks. How To Learn To Accept Yourself, And Not Always Please Everyone And Remake Yourself
We are so stuffed with different patterns, strangers' expectations, strangers must and must, that in this maelstrom we lose touch with ourselves. We plunge into the eternal race “how to please everyone, please, be good for everyone,” that we do not notice how we ignore ourselves - true, genuine, living.
I Am A Worthless Person. Devaluing Yourself: How To Stop Collapsing
The ability to devalue something - ourselves, others, our own and others' actions, results, achievements - this is the kind of psychological defense that we use to stop inside various complex experiences that we can face. In general, any psychological defense is designed to stop some kind of actual experience, since the psyche regards it as damaging its integrity.
YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE YOURSELF
Psychologists keep repeating. If you love and appreciate yourself, then the people around you will also begin to appreciate. To love is not a fact, not without exception, for sure. Because it is impossible to turn to everyone in front. But, having begun to love and appreciate yourself, you will begin to meet people with whom you will resonate in your sense of inner value and significance.
How To Stop Devaluing Yourself
Observational part . The problem of depreciation in practical psychotherapy is one of the most difficult and poorly solved problems. To make it immediately clear, I will clarify - we are talking about the most common dissatisfaction with oneself and the habit of sincerely (with a claim to be realistic) and negatively assessing oneself.
