2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How often do you hear "I envy you with white envy." But, it seems to me, a person does not know what he is talking about, and he means another feeling - admiration can. Or joy for another.
Because there is no WHITE ENVY!
Based on the very principle and the phenomenon of envy!
The fact is that envy is ALWAYS, not about
I want it too
Envy is about
I wish YOU DIDN'T HAVE IT!
Envy is an evil feeling that has as its goal to destroy, to destroy that which is inaccessible to the envious.
The envious person experiences an intolerable feeling that the other person possesses and enjoys something they want, and the envious impulse is aimed at taking away or spoiling it.
Envy is a pathological personality trait that is formed as a result of unfavorable early relationships.
If very briefly, very freely and as accessible as possible, try to paraphrase the classics of psychoanalysis (in particular M. Klein), then:
In the early organization of the infant's psyche, there is the first significant object - the mother's breast.
Which can be "good": abundant, warm, nourishing, giving what you want on demand.
And "bad": cold, empty, unable to satisfy and satisfy.
The "whole" mother does not yet exist in the baby's psyche.
In the case when the baby does not feel satisfaction, he "considers" that he was deprived of it because the "mother's breast" left this satisfaction for herself.
As a result, the infant experiences anger, aggressive impulses and wishes to "keep" the breast for himself. Always have access to it.
If "good" breasts give what they want, the baby feels satiated, satisfied and safe.
(the feeling that he continues to live, since hunger causes the fear of exhaustion and death).
This spectrum of experiences subsequently becomes more complex and turns into feelings of affection, love and gratitude.
But, the longer and more, due to some circumstances, the baby has to experience dissatisfaction, "emptiness" and coldness of the "breast" - the mother does not respond to the need (absent, feeds by the clock, etc.), the longer and more the baby is forced feel a feeling of hatred and envy of the breast, the desire to destroy it and at the same time to possess it.
Under favorable conditions, when periods of "dissatisfaction" are not critical, the infant learns to cope with aggressive impulses, gradually integrates his feelings of love and hate, begins to understand the outside world more, and resigns himself to the fact that he cannot keep his mother with him as his exclusive own.
“Good” breast, which nourishes, lays the beginning of a loving relationship with the mother, and then, the child's ability to experience love and gratitude is formed.
"Bad" breast - lays the foundation for the formation of stable personal qualities, which are based on envy and greed.
Here we mean not so much the breast itself as contact with the baby during feeding, even if he is bottle-fed!
This is the reason for envy - insatiability, chronic dissatisfaction. Malnutrition. Hunger. A persistent painful experience that “someone has what I don’t have”: a constant source of food; warmth and affection; the ability to make acquaintances so easily; dimples on the cheeks; vocal data; the same easy relationship with a partner, etc. etc.
At the same time, I repeat, the impulse of her (envy) is directed not only and not so much to "get it for myself", but to ensure that the other does not have it:
- seduce the boyfriend of a close friend
- substitute a colleague in front of the boss
- to spread gossip, destroying the reputation of a friend
and to feel the satisfaction that the other is now deprived of his value - that is the motive of the envious.
Therefore, I dare to say that there is no "white" envy.
There is the ability to love, gratitude, empathy, empathy. The ability to admire and enjoy the success of others.
In the absence of which, and in their place comes black envy.
Julia Radionova
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