In The Psychologist's Office: Expectation And Reality

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Psychologists, consultants, psychotherapists, coaches in their work inevitably face the expectations of clients. And it is very important to competently convey to clients the essence of what you are going to do. After all, to dissemble, under-talk or give hope - I really hope - there is no such option for you.

Undoubtedly and quite obvious - the client wants quick results, wants a quick effect, because it is he who is the source of your interaction. It is normal to want results, it is quite natural. Very rarely there are people who understand the essence of the phenomenon of psychological counseling immediately and deeply, and are ready to leave the rush and begin to immediately trust. Therefore, a smooth entry into therapy is always very important, with an explanation of important subtleties. Sometimes it's valuable to be in a state of uncertainty, but sometimes clarity is more important.

The situation with waiting is the following - expectations in therapy get in the way. Expectations inevitably divert your attention from the present moment forward, and all the most valuable work can happen only in the current moment. If you are waiting, then at least a little, at least a little, but you are in a hurry - this is the essence of the phenomenon of waiting, in a hurry, quickly forward to the result. So you inevitably slip through something important.

Yes, for someone one single consultation may be enough - there are such cases in my practice, but this is rare.

The fact is that for years you have lived in your own, psychological reality, conditioned by social, parental, and all worldview clichés that have been absorbed over the years. For years, you have reinforced these psychological automatisms, nourished them, gaining experience that confirms their fidelity, relevance, and value. Something you probably tried to correct, something more successful, and something less. This is how your unique prism of perception was formed. This prism can be called a personality - it is a psychological superstructure, a filter over perception.

Your prism is a collection of cliches, cliches, automatisms, habits, certainties, conditioning, fears, unexpressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, which in general are not at all a problem when you can perceive all this directly. But as soon as you are not aware of any of this, in certain situations and circumstances you begin to behave like a robot - to unconsciously perform mechanistic actions and deeds conditioned by past undisclosed experience. And if you live like this for some time, then at some point you begin to have difficulties, or rather, difficulties were all the way, just one day you begin to realize them.

Here you turn to a specialist for help. A good specialist has already gone the way that you just have to go, so he is well aware of the difficulties and the pitfalls that await you. A competent specialist knows: there is no need to look for the Holy Grail to solve your question. There is no recipe or answer that would solve any, including your pressing question. The problem is always only in your familiar prism of perception. The very prism that led you to this very point where you are right now, with the very problems, difficulties and worries that you have.

Therefore, the way out is not in the search for an answer, not in the search for a recipe, not in delving into stories from the past in order to correct something there. It's not about analyzing the past, not looking for reasons, not finding out your character traits and correcting them, not in the family tree, and not even in your parents; not in your job, not in your children, not in your husbands or wives, and not in your friends - it’s not a matter of external circumstances. It's about you. In your usual prism of perception. It's about your habitual, automatic way of perceiving events, people, and life in general. Always only in this.

It's in you. In your usual prism of perception

In this regard, as a specialist, it is important for me to help you find that ease and joy that is potentially available to everyone - in this I see my value for you, the essence is always only in this.

The most pleasant thing for me is to see you open yourself, flourishing, not devoid of difficulties, but who know how to perceive your difficulties boldly, directly and instead of aggravating or avoiding, gradually resolve them on your own.

Plunging into the client's questions deeply, I am always interested in the highest quality and deepest resolution of issues, which is in each case. I am not interested in pulling, not interested in keeping the client close to me for longer, as often someone from the outside can think about psychological counseling, they say, they deliberately take time and keep you close to them longer in order to get more money out of you.

And how far from reality it is.

Money certainly matters, but the fact is that there is also love to do what you do. And it is important for me to do it well, efficiently. If I do this only for the sake of money, for the sake of material gain, if the goal is solely in this, I cannot be satisfied with myself, in order to be satisfied, I inevitably need to invest literally in every case to the maximum. Investing is not about gritting your teeth, it's about being fully involved in the process.

The result is important, quality. In my opinion, this is what distinguishes a professional creator from a routine professional - love for what he does.

When I love what I do, I have to be empathetic, have to be on the cutting edge, have to be able to navigate the circumstances, be sincere, open and truthful.

And if I love what I do, then not only my own satisfaction, but also the satisfaction of the client instantly becomes important to me. Equally!

And here either win-win or lose-lose. Either both participants in the interaction should turn on and be mutually satisfied, or if at least one of the pair is not satisfied, then both are dissatisfied:

0+1=0,

1+0=0, 0+0=0

and only 1 + 1 = 10, and sometimes even 100 - there is no border here, because 1 + 1 is always more than 1 and even more than 2x

The laws of mathematics are undergoing radical changes here.

And for psychologists and psychotherapists, a very thin ice begins here. On the one hand, it is very easy, in fear of a double "loss", to slip into reassurance, into the presentation of ready-made recipes, into delaying decisive steps that can alert and even alienate the client.

On the other hand, courage and accuracy of words and steps are very important. A psychotherapist is like a surgeon: accuracy is important, but it is very important not to become formal, mechanistic, shielding yourself from mutual experiences that arise during contact, not to lose your own sensitivity, not to close.

For the psychotherapist, the golden mean is important: not to get involved in the client's story / situation to the extent that you become a part of it, but also not to become callous, unresponsive, not to lose alertness, which can be called a sensitive presence.

Lastly, I would like to say to potential clients:

Yes, it can be painful, it can be uncomfortable, but this is precisely the essence of the presence of a good specialist next to you - in the opportunity to go through the not very pleasant together, through what you cannot go through alone. And a competent specialist, having discovered inflammation, is always aware of the approximate stages of cure - protest, a certain resistance, pain, not necessary, but frequent companions of cure, especially in advanced cases. But this is followed by relief - and a specialist who has gone through such stages more than once himself, knows not in words, from his own experience, the reality of possible relief. And it is from this knowledge that effective communication, client support, and gradual healing are born.

Get ready to work hard and get ready to bold steps, even the best specialist is not a magician, he can show you the direction and stay close, but he will never take your steps for you, therefore a lot (and in reality everything) depends entirely on you.

I would like to say a few words to my colleagues:

Be empathetic, and more empathetic, and more empathetic; take only the burden that you really can do; be brave, don't be afraid to lose face; do not be afraid, if this happens, to admit to yourself and your clients in ignorance - demonstrate in practice openness, sensitivity, courage. Our strength is not omniscience, our strength is in sensitivity, in the ability to be present in the circumstances of uncertainty and uncertainty, in sensitivity, in slowness, despite the limited time frame.

And please do not share what you have not deeply tested on yourself. And keep yourself from being given temporary prescriptions, ones that only eliminate symptoms. And do not forget to love what you do - love and respect your business and your clients. It is thanks to them that you have the opportunity to do what you like.

Thank you for your attention,