2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Adolescence is a period of tremendous changes in life, when young people need to grow up sharply, study intensively, or leave home.
An additional load is psychosexual development, in the center of which is a surge of sexuality and this inevitably leads to an exacerbation of early fantasy forms.
If a parent is unable to help young people deal with the feelings that have washed over them, then the emotional vulnerability of the latter deprives them of the opportunity to cope with one or another traumatic life situation:
Moving, changing place of residence or study
Long absence of one of the parents
Divorces
Death of loved ones or pets
Disappointments, first serious feelings, etc.
Aggressive impulses arising from the subjective experience of this experience, not finding a way out (for various reasons), are transformed inside the psyche into anxiety about the destruction of support objects (mother and father) and this can lead to the onset of mental disorders.
So the most important thing young people need is CONTAINING their undue anxiety. Bion, in his works, indicates that the work on containment is a necessary condition for the integration of the personality, the restoration of positive figures on which emotional development is based.
In my work, I often note a similar dynamic of anxiety and aggressive impulses from both parents and adolescents. The so-called dynamics of "communicating vessels".
Often, if the initiators of the appeal to a psychotherapist are parents. Their psyche is overloaded with disturbing impulses, thoughts, fantasies about the future. And children with aggressive impulses. And vice versa.
At these moments, all they are puzzled with is the search for a solution, i.e. actions, preferably specific and immediate
· Ban gadgets - yes or no? If so, how much, after all, without them there is no way ?!
· To force to do cleaning, lessons, to play sports? Well no?!
· Limit or more freedom?
Familiar questions, right?
And at this time, rage and aggression rage inside the child. Outwardly expressed in the form of replicas:
· You do not understand me!!!
· You do not reckon with me !!
· You accuse me of everything !!
The key to success largely depends on the parents' ability to be calm and confident in their actions, and not pathologically looking for instructions and a clear plan, if before this such understanding as planning, regime, self-control and understanding of boundaries in the family did not exist.
In this vortex of teenage rebellion, not only emotions, thoughts and feelings are mixed, but also the roles of each member. A parent claimingly demands from a child to create a plan of action, follow instructions, comprehend what is happening, forgetting that it is his role to be mature, responsible and stable. The parent and only he should be in this role.
Very often, this is the most difficult thing in our work with teenagers - to return each of them to their roles and explain to parents that the container is necessary for themselves. And by virtue of life experience and maturity, they must take care of themselves or seek help from a specialist. A parent who has entered the "turbulent age" with the child needs no less help - to urge this to be the first step.
Because, on the plane, according to the instructions, they put on a mask for themselves, and then for the child.
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