2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At the beginning of my work, I will clarify that adolescence, according to various authors, is currently between 9 and 21 years of age.
Problems due to the behavior of a teenager do not occur in every family, but in those families where conflicts and scandals arise with grown-up children - situations of different intensity occur.
If you are interested in this topic, then I can assume that in your family (or in the family of your friends / relatives) the situation is close to very problematic, if not even critical. Why am I judging like that?
Exclusively from my psychological practice. When problems with the behavior of a teenager begin (or when the teenager's aggression is already in full swing) - the parents or people replacing them have many habitual ways out of the situation. And when all of them did not help (punishments, screams, violence against the personality of a teenager (in various forms), a visit to a psychiatrist and prescribing drugs, grabbing the heart with a "request to pity the mother"), adults look for a way out further, and sometimes they come to thoughts about visiting a psychologist.
During the time that passes in conflicts with a teenager in attempts to influence him either by ignoring him or by "forceful methods", much has been missed. But the teenager by his behavior is trying to say something - in each individual family about something different.
The teenager is growing up and parents should understand that the parents themselves need to transform their attitude towards the growing up child and their behavior with him.
In my work at consultations, parents often cry - their child was so golden, and now "spoiled". At the same time, it is often the parents who love the teenager very much. But their love, as it were, requires a teenager to remain a child. Often the parents (mothers) are in a kind of merger with the teenager - and the teenager, as it were, is trying hard to get out of this web of maternal love. At the consultation, after informing about the peculiarities of a given age, mothers and fathers of adolescents show a sincere readiness to transform their behavior, their attitude towards the adolescent child, however, after the consultation, everything often immediately returns to the old well-worn track. Conflicts, scandals, aggression in the house continue.
The point here is not only in the teenager who is trying to strenuously separate (separate) from his parents, but also in his parents. The body of a teenager matures - the zones of the brain, psyche, bones, organs - are actively growing. The tension in a teenager is often off scale. It is believed that an adult would simply not be able to withstand such overloads. For example, why is it important to clarify together with a psychologist at work whether computer games for hours are an addiction or an attempt by a teenager to find relaxation and overcome stress?
Parents often continue to treat the teenager as a baby, do not take into account the changed circumstances - and in fact, a new personality appears in the house. The teenager overthrows the authorities of the parents from the "pedestals", and their peers become more important. The adolescent rejects all the attitudes of his parents (by the way, in a few years he will take almost everything back as his own). The teenager is actively looking for himself. Everything is individual, but at about the age of 13-16, a teenager is at first in a misunderstanding of everything new that is happening to him, he is clearly not ready for future adult life, at first he does not want independence at all, he does not know how to continue to live. This transition takes time - it is a global restructuring of the whole organism. In this transitional age from child to adult, the help and support of parents is so important!
In my experience, I can say: the more painful the parents are during this period, the stronger the conflicts between parents and the teenager, the more aggression on the part of the teenager, and also - the more parents are not ready to admit their mistakes in upbringing (unsettled boundaries with a teenager in childhood, aggression and earlier shouts to the child, the lack of rules and responsibilities for the child, etc., the longer the work of the parents of a teenager with a psychologist will take.
In my work experience, parenting psychotherapy brings awareness and understanding of what is happening, as well as some improvement in family relations rather quickly, but lasting changes in the family come after 6-10 (12) months. The support of a psychologist allows you to build relationships in the family during this difficult period for all seven members, to avoid many problems, and helps the teenager to live through the adolescent crisis. But this is only with the intensive work of parents on themselves, on family relationships.
If I am asked: "We have problems with the behavior of a teenager in our family, he has conflicts with his parents. Can I sign up a teenager for counseling?" I answer: "Yes, to the initial consultation. Then the parents are also involved in the consultation."
In my opinion, if a teenager conflicts with all family members, it is desirable that the teenager has a visit to a separate group for working with teenagers, and I work with the parents. If the conflict is only with the mother (stepmother), or only with the father (stepfather), my work with both sides of the conflict is possible.
If they ask me: We have problems with the behavior of a teenager in our family, conflicts with parents. Can only a teenager attend psychotherapy? "I answer -" No, without working with a psychologist of the other side of the conflict (parents), I do not take a teenager to counseling (psychotherapy)."
In fact, adolescence is very important in the way a teenager becomes an adult. Think about this, parents! After all, it is known that nothing but physiological characteristics is genetically transmitted - everything else is formed in the process of upbringing.
Recommended:
How Many Times Do You Need To See A Psychologist?
You can start with the banal and describe for a long time that everything is individual and the frequency of meetings (their number) is determined based on the needs and financial capabilities of the client. The schedule and free hours of a psychologist (psychoanalyst or psychotherapist) are taken into account.
The Psychologist Does Not Give Advice. And Why Is It Needed Then?
Clients often come to my consultation asking for advice. Here are some of the wishes: "Stay with him (with her) or leave", "How to proceed further", "How quickly to remake him (her)", "How to get someone to do as I want"
How Many Meetings With A Psychologist Do I Need?
Many people already at the first session are interested in the question: "How many sessions with a psychotherapist will be needed?" The answer depends on two factors: 1. The structure of the organization of the psyche of the individual (a psychotherapist will need 1-2 sessions for a general analysis of mental processes and the state of a person).
Aggressive Teenager Withdrawal And Neutralization
- Listen, you stupid donkey, my mother told me to come, so I have to sit here, but you cannot make me speak. “I can’t blame you for getting angry when you are forced to do something you don’t want to do.” He clenches even more, crosses his arms.
"Do Not Be Rude", "Do Not Complain" And Other Rules Of The Ideal Wife For "Domostroi", Which Are Unacceptable Now
In the modern world, "Domostroy" is a synonym for the patriarchal way of family life. But few people know that this literary monument is dedicated not only to everyday life and relationships in the family, but also completely regulated the earthly path of Novgorodians in medieval Russia.
