2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am often asked: "How to offer a teenager to see a psychologist?" Indeed, the unstable emotional state of the child, isolation, conflict cause considerable anxiety among loved ones. And adults make the right decision to see a psychologist. But how do you talk to a teenager about it? How to make the decision of adults become the choice of the child … In response to the timid attempts of adults, a riot breaks out: “Do you think that I am a sick person? You need to - you go!”
During the time that I worked as a psychologist at school, I saw the following picture many times: a teacher (or, even more colorful, a representative of the administration) opens the door of the classroom during the lesson and broadcasts to the whole class: “Ivanov (Petrov / Sidorov)! To a psychologist! " The whole class sees off the "unfortunate" with glances, accompanying it with jokes, stinging remarks, whistling. So where does a teenager get the desire to see a psychologist? How to competently and accurately discuss this issue with a teenager?
Rule # 1. It is important to convey that the parent does not consider the teenager "abnormal", since he suggests going to a psychologist
It is important that the child understands that it is normal to see a psychologist, it is not a sign of illness or "abnormality". Adolescents (and, in truth, some adults too) confuse a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Therefore, for several years now I have been starting my work in a team of adolescents by explaining the difference between the work of a psychologist and a psychiatrist. We come to the conclusion that since a psychiatrist is a doctor who works with sick people in a medical institution, and we are not in a medical institution, and I am not a psychiatrist, then it is understood that no one here considers anyone “sick”. As a rule, at this moment, the audience begins to look more favorably on the specialist.
Rule # 2. Talk about your feelings
You can say in this way: "I am worried / worried / worried about your mood / emotional state / communication / with friends (" underline "the necessary). Let's consult with a psychologist so that you and I feel calmer." This way you demonstrate sincerity, willingness to cooperate and an example that you can talk about feelings. You are worried and honest about it. When you talk about your feelings, then there is no reason to argue, it does not oblige you to anything.
Rule # 3. It is enough to “just” be yourself
Many adolescents believe that at a psychologist's appointment they will have to tell everything about themselves, “turn themselves inside out”, “pour out their souls”. No. It's not obligatory. He just needs to be himself. Everything else can be left to a specialist. You can be silent, you can cry, you can swear. It happened that during individual consultations, teenagers asked me in a whisper: “Is it okay to use foul language in your office? Of course, I will not do this, but I just decided to ask …”You can.
Conclusion. If a teenager realizes that he is not considered "sick" and that the mother will feel better this way, then, as a rule, he comes for a consultation. And if it turns out that the psychologist does not have to do anything supernatural (to demonstrate acrobatic miracles such as “turning oneself inside out”), then it may come again.
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