2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
1. Projections
We see our own in people. Usually unconscious.
And not only "Negative", but also "Positive" … We can see others as beautiful, talented, kind, masculine / feminine … And not suspect that these are our qualities.
To distinguish between "it is mine or his", you need to know yourself well.
To know yourself, you need to allow yourself to see yourself.
And this is usually hindered by the fear of being bad and being left without love. And the fear of being a "fool". And again, both in the case of "negative" and in the case of "positive" qualities.
Suddenly I find out that it is actually me "irresponsible" and not the neighbor whom I call that. Then I am "bad." Then you can't love me.
Suddenly I will think that I am kind and smart (like the colleague I see this way). But in fact, it turns out that I am not like that. They'll make me laugh like a fool.
What if I really turn out to be kind and smart? Then I again "like a fool" - for thirty years I thought badly of myself and allowed myself to be mistreated, I missed so much and allowed so much. "Like a fool."
What to do: work with your value, with unconditional acceptance of yourself, with centering, in order to finally see yourself, gradually, step by step, recognize yourself and accept yourself.
2. Transfer
We see people as our parents and other adults that matter to us.
I would say there are two categories here: "Fears" and "Hope".
On the one hand, it’s scary that he’ll yell at me now, devalue me, don’t hear me, don’t understand (like mom, like dad).
On the other hand, it seems that he is kind, he will love me, he will not reject me, he will take care of me (like mom, like dad - no, not in reality, but in the image that I have in my dreams).
“Positive” projections and “positive” transferences (“hopes”) give rise to falling in love and a cocoon of illusions around the beloved.
What to do: work with your stability, support, with growing up, with awareness of yourself. If I am an adult and realize this - I no longer care about what was bad or was not good in childhood - I can already love myself (fill those deficits that, being active, created "hopes"), and protect myself, if someone dares to shout at me or devalue me.
3. Beliefs
- Own. The idea of the other as oneself. If I go on vacation to the dacha, then I also think about something else that he goes to the dacha ("Where else?").
- Family. What they did, or what they said in the family. "All chiefs are thieves."
- Associative. If I see a person who is similar to my friend, then I think that he is the same as my friend.
- "Scientific". Something that came from popular psychology and others like it. Determination of character traits by face, state by posture, etc. "The clever has a high forehead."
- Stereotypes. "All Russian soulful and with balalaikas."
- Fashionable. If it is fashionable to be interested in photography now, then I think that a new acquaintance is also interested in photography.
- Ligaments. "If …, then …" If a person has some quality or property, then another property is attributed to him. "Smart means honest."
What to do: to be aware of their beliefs, to develop flexibility of thinking, the ability to accept something different, a neutral position, from which one can see "as is" and not "as you want."
4. Black and white filter or splitting for good and bad
Image idealization or demonization. If it seems that "he is good", then at once the whole bundle of "good" qualities is assigned to a person. And vice versa.
What to do: work with inner ambivalence, connect opposite poles into a holistic reality.
5. The context of the situation, our state and mood, the state and mood of the person we perceive also affects. Information that we already know about a person from third parties or from other sources, which served as the starting point for the above phenomena, may be affected. Social phenomena can take place: primacy effect, novelty effect, halo effect, etc.
6. It is also influenced by what the person broadcasts about himself. More on this in the next series.
7. And how we see ourselves. More about this in the next series.
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