2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Everything in the family rests on me.
I decide everything.
Next to me are helpless chicks who look into my mouth and will die without me if they do not throw another worm into their beak.
And therefore:
-I work as if not in myself;
- I am forced to do business when I want to embroider by the window;
- I move, I spin, and my man lies on the couch more and more qualitatively;
- I don't feel like a woman.
And so you want a strong man next to you.
Then, driven by an incomprehensible logic to me, women and the people around her make a very strange conclusion:
"You are too strong! You have to be weaker. That means more feminine. And then everything will fall into place. And your man, obeying the ancient instinct, will rise from the sofa, like Ilya Muromets from the stove (suddenly, unexpectedly, at 33!). And he will go to get worms for himself. And he will bring you. A lot. Just before that, you didn't give him such an opportunity! All by herself. But nothing to him! He was just confused and waited for his woman to become weak. he is automatically strong and self-confident."
I would like to shout: "Honey! He does nothing, not because YOU are strong, and he was" suppressed."
You should not be "weaker". Do not narrow your behavioral repertoire to primitive gimmicks based on gender stereotypes that bring you closer to femininity: blink your eyes pretending to be a fool, or praise a man to death, picturesquely admiring how courageously he works with a spoon.
And expand it!
To master very useful skills and competencies, in part:
- sensitivity to their own needs and the ability to communicate about them;
-forming flexible but strong personal boundaries
the ability to say no, to refuse everything that upsets the balance of power, rights, responsibilities
- to separate one's own from another's;
- the skill to ask for help, support;
- the ability to see imbalances and evenly distribute functions.
What's important is not based on gender roles. And on the basis of key competencies: it turns out that I can solve problems with government agencies and other housing and communal services better and faster - excellent, I will take it upon myself. Does the husband manage with the organization of children's leisure time, and cooking dinner, without nerves and tension? Great. What a fine fellow. Go ahead and save me from the nerve and the kitchen epic;
- become, oddly enough, even stronger
Grow teeth. Learn to protect yourself. Stop allowing yourself to be used and not to hear reproaches about "unmarriedness", accusations of insolvency from the sofa Ilya Muromets and inadequate people around you.
Or another story: "I attract weak men."
Because strong and blah blah blah - the same logic.
I will become so weak, defenseless. So that the future man just wanted to move mountains for me, so helpless.
Are there among adequate sane adults who want to take on the ballast of someone else's helplessness?
Just. Because the "man" and therefore must? What is the motivation? Right. From the motives of the authorities. We are looking for a "strong", we find a tyrant. With all that it implies.
Psychologically mature men don't need weak women. They appreciate support, are happy to have a strong shoulder by their side and are grateful when they can share part of their difficult functions with a partner.
When they can be sure that if they "storm" in business, there will be an outflow of clients, or changing jobs will take time - the wife will be able to pick up mortgage payments and will not let the family boat sink. Therefore, they do not require "blinking your eyes and looking into your mouth."
And for the sake of another category of men:
looking for the reasons for their own insolvency in the "eggs under the skirt", or who want to fully enjoy the "power and right of the strong"
- you shouldn't even doubt the adequacy of your desire to be strong, able to make decisions, be able to solve problems, provide and protect yourself.
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