2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I would like to write a text that could support everyone at this time. But this is impossible, because everyone is now living something of their own and needs different support.
I remember my therapist asking the question.
- How can I support you?
And I was at a loss, did not know what to answer. I listened to myself for a long time, looking for a need.
Indeed, it is important for someone to feel that in his experiences he is not alone, that the other person is not afraid of his feelings. It is important for someone to find a strategy for behavior in a difficult situation, for someone to whine, to be small, and for someone to get angry with panicking people.
Different needs, but deeply they have something in common - the fear of loss.
Whatever.
Loss of time, work, peace, significance, the ability to move freely. Financial losses. The ability to lose health, loved ones, life. Stability, habitual way of life. The hope that I have lived for a long time.
In this regard, on the one hand, born anger, annoyance about what is happening, on the other hand, powerlessness to change it. Everything that we usually polish with violent activity comes to the surface.
As compensation, the mechanisms of denial, rationalization, devaluation, control are included, but inside it is all about one thing: external supports are crumbling, there is no certainty in the future.
In fact, it never existed, but in the current conditions it became obvious.
When the outer supports collapse, one has to turn to the inner ones. To the experience that allowed us to get to where we are now, to the knowledge about ourselves that we have acquired, to the revealed shadow manifestations that loom before our eyes and potentially contain tremendous power.
These days, I met with an angry envious girl inside herself, who envies those who quickly adapted to the situation, managed to “change their shoes in the air,” to benefit. While I was braking, the others caught up and pulled far ahead.
I look at all this and I just want to join the usual "proof" - I'll show you all. And then I understand that I have always used the energy of the Shadow so stupidly. She turned on, caught up, proved, also benefited, but after a while, she realized that she had come running in the wrong place. She followed the white rabbit, which led through strange labyrinths, from which she also had to run.
Now everyone rushed to learn something, visit online museums, learn languages, transfer business online - that means I urgently need it too.
Is it necessary?
It may or may not be necessary.
What is happening now is a completely new experience. It is natural that we are frightened, lost. It's amazing if we continued to live as if nothing had happened. We do not have the skill to organize our life in all the totality of changes that have occurred over the past month. There are many stress factors around, external supports are crumbling, and now is the time to stop demanding super-results from yourself.
This is a new situation, you have not been here yet and much is not clear. It's as if you signed up for a trial lesson in Argentine tango, and then it turned out that an international championship is taking place in the lesson and you need to perform in front of the judges as a professional dancer.
I suppose you will send the judge with their demands away.
So why, in a stressful situation, do we enter the competition and closely monitor the assessment of external judges?
Be for yourself.
Do not try right now to redo everything that you have been putting off for many years. You do not need all the knowledge that is now freely available. You do not need to make up for all the missed chances and right now create your own online school, write a bestseller, learn to draw oil paintings. There is no need to be ashamed of the fact that Pushkin in the Boldinskaya autumn, being in quarantine, wrote many of his works, and you cannot get out of bed on time. Firstly, you are not Pushkin, and secondly, he was not distracted there by anything except creativity. Do you have the same conditions? Who is this “wonderful person” at all, who threw a “motive” about Pushkin into the net, at the end spicing it up with a poem that, no matter how it is included in the collection “Boldinskaya Autumn,” does not belong to A. Pushkin?
Leave yourself alone.
Now is not the time to conquer and save the world. Take care of yourself first. Reduce to-do lists, start with small steps, take into account your lack of experience, make mistakes and slow down along the way. The speed will appear over time, just give yourself that time.
Praise if you managed to maintain adequacy in an atmosphere of panic and chaos. Calm down, have pity if it was not possible to maintain adequacy. You are learning to live in new conditions, which means you must first understand where you are and what is around.
And then, there is a chance that you will not run to where everyone is running, but turn in the direction you need. Free yourself from the demands of the outside world to draw inspiration from an inner source that is full of surprises.
Remember that development is possible from a resting point.
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