Give-take In A Relationship, Be In Proportion

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If you ask a couple who is most invested in the relationship, each partner will answer “me”. Indeed, we always appreciate the efforts that we make ourselves and focus on them. We know exactly what it costs us, and how we try to do something for the partner, for the relationship. Our efforts make us a little blind in relation to the actions that the partner does.

Yes, at the beginning of a relationship, at the stage of the candy-bouquet period, we notice every detail and little thing, and we ourselves do everything unconditionally. However, the closer we get to each other, the weaker we notice how much each of us gives and takes in a relationship.

My experience tells me the following: if I give something, then the other also gives. True, I do not always understand what he does for me. And it often turns out that our "give" consists of previous experience, expectations from a partner, subjective perception of each other, a certain vision of the situation. As a result, my valuable "give" is not always valuable for a partner, and in general he needs it.

For example, after work, I focus on dinner. It seems to me that he is pleased to come home and find ready-made favorite dishes. This is important for him, but it is not of paramount importance and it is more pleasant for him to sometimes be alone with himself, to move away from the working day, and then start eating.

For me, preparing dinner for the arrival of my beloved is "giving." It makes no difference for him whether he eats immediately after arrival, or after 30 minutes. “But it will cool down” … At the same time, for him to “give” in this situation is to allow him to hang out a little in household chores, a computer, a phone on hard working days.

All such misunderstandings are resolved through dialogue. We talked and went on. In this regard, there should be a dialogue in a pair. Moreover, you need to be sincere, honest and open with each other.

However, it doesn't end there. It is important not only to understand the concept of what we give to each other and how valuable it is. It is also essential to take. If we give something, then we must take something in return. Many strive for an unconditional relationship, and if I give something, then first of all I want it myself. At the same time, giving constantly and not feeling a return (the emphasis here is on personal sensation), we will quickly become exhausted. As a result, we will become insanely demanding of a partner, in a sense, extorting him to "give".

Therefore, I highly recommend making a list of what you give and receive from each other. It is advisable to do this together. The proportions must be respected. Any imbalance will cause dissatisfaction and lead to a violation of harmony in the relationship.

What should be considered on the list?

• Each other's values that you help to be.
• Valuables that you donated (if any).
• Acceptance of certain qualities in each other.
• Relationships with friends and parents.
• Spending time together.
• Household duties.
• Responsibilities regarding children.

IMPORTANT: do not forget about the most commonplace things, like washing, washing dishes, cleaning, cooking. If one of you did not do this, you would have to take these worries upon yourself. In addition, most often we take these actions for granted, while the performer is offended that the partner does not value them.