7 Rules For A Harmonious Mother's Life

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What is important to me and what allows me to try to be a good mom? It is “to try to be” and not “to be” because it is very difficult to become a good mother, even our parents experienced difficulties with this. To what extent will I succeed? I will be able to find out about this only when my children become adults, and I will see how they organize their life and how much they are realized in it, how truly happy and independent they will become. In the meantime, I will share with you my experience of a psychologist, coach and just a wise mother, who helps me a lot in my life to be able to listen to and hear my children, and for them to grow up happy and in a harmonious family environment

1. The first rule that I try to adhere to is "Two steps back, one forward, or regular trust."

They are adults, even when they are still very young. This means that I try to respect their position, not to pressure and maintain a balance in the relationship.

For example, if the child is still very young and does not want to fall asleep when I put him down, I take him out of the crib, and we play for some time. Literally half an hour later, he lies down with pleasure and falls asleep without a sound. The older one, for example, has a reluctance to study during the summer holidays. Here I try to take control of my "perfectionism" and let her not do it. A month before September 1, her inner consciousness is triggered, not burdened by my pressure, and she pulls out books on her own. After all, summer classes are not an end in themselves, the goal is to foster consciousness and responsibility.

2 … Second - "They need time to make their own decisions."

Yes, it’s a matter of independent decision-making on their part, and not imposing their opinion on ours. It is very difficult, because we always know how and what to do. Here I try only to give direction, but the children need to decide, and this takes time.

For example, when my eldest had to go to kindergarten for the first time, I gave her time to make her own decisions. I just told her that she would have to go to the kindergarten, since everyone always went there, and that I was waiting for her to be ready. Half an hour later, she came to me with a jacket in her hands, determined to leave. When we had to change schools, I told her that many people move from school to school and that she would have to decide which school she would go to. After touring local schools, she herself chose her new future school.

3. Third - "Borders"

When we use the rule of independent decisions, it is important here, since we are parents, and they are children, to help them with boundaries: social norms, rules of life, personal boundaries, etc. this life. Therefore, our task is to outline these boundaries. That is, what is good and what is bad should be shown. If a child "ran" across the road, and there is hypothetically a car on the left, then shouting sharply, or even pulling his hand, in my opinion, is not forbidden. After all, children, like animals, have an instinct for self-preservation, it is innate, but in order for it to be at a conscious level, it must be transferred to this level. In addition, the child often tests the strength of the boundaries that you have set: yesterday was impossible, but what if today is possible? Or maybe tomorrow it will be possible to run across the road or eat half a pack of sweets? So be consistent in the placement of these boundaries and frames. That is, if it was impossible yesterday, then tomorrow it will also be impossible. This behavior on your part makes the child feel safe and cared for.

4. Fourth - "Love cannot be too much"

Yes, many people talk and write about it, but it is much more difficult to bring it to life. We are so twisted in the hustle and bustle of current affairs that we forget to tell them every time that we love them. We love just like that, not for anything definite. Here, in addition to the usual demonstration with the help of a hug and a kiss, we use the capabilities of whatsapp and vibe to help. There are a lot of stickers and pictures that can clearly demonstrate our feelings to them. Pictures are clearer to them than words, and gadgets are inexorably "beckoning". So they are very useful in this matter.

5. Fifth - "Your opinion is very important"

I try to involve them in family councils. That is, if you need to discuss some important, or even not very important things, my task is to ask for an opinion on this matter. Discuss, listen, and often listen to him, because their opinions are completely different, not like ours, they have a sincere spontaneity and children's ability to “live here and now”, the ability to rejoice and have fun. Believe me, if you listen to your children and do as they say, everyone will have fun. It will be truly real and fun.

6. Sixth - "Mom and Dad have the right to make mistakes and their own time"

This is about the ability to sincerely and openly admit that you are wrong, in case of a mistake, and your busyness: at work, at home, on a business trip. If, nevertheless, nature and the experience of previous years took their toll, and point 2 was violated, then I always try to admit my mistake, to say about it using the words “I was wrong”. The task is to sincerely admit this, to believe in it myself, and to start a dialogue about correcting the mistake. This teaches both of us to point 2, and them - in the future to admit their mistakes.

A statement that parents have things to do and have a job should also be sincere and without feelings of shame or guilt. This teaches children to understand that the world does not revolve around them alone, and that everyone has their own space. You should not merge with children and live only their life.

7. Seventh - “No guilt! Don't lie to yourself"

The worst thing, in my opinion, is when we don’t want to do something, play, for example (well, we don’t have the strength, desire, or we just don’t know how to do it, since we didn’t play as a child), but we are afraid to admit this fact is due to a feeling of guilt or fear and through force we go and try to "get used to" the game. Children feel everything, and they feel a lack of sincerity and interest, at this moment, they are very scared and lonely. This is much worse than our feelings of guilt, which are hard for us to go through. Children feel false and do not understand what it is. This is what prompts me to work hard on myself and learn to say no. I say that now I don’t want to, I don’t know how, I don’t know how. We find a compromise, or they teach me how, or we find some other occupation, or we just laugh at the fact that the mother is imperfect and she has something to learn from the child. And we play school!

Children are a school for us, and we are a school for them. The difference is that our task is not to interfere with them, to prompt somewhere, and most importantly to support! And their task is to show, teach and remind us how to live in pleasure and rejoice like children. Then we can be on the same wavelength with them and finally understand what they are trying to tell us all the time. Good luck in this difficult task! And thank God for our children!