2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Is selfishness good or bad? And what is selfishness in general? There is such a funny expression: "An egoist is a person who thinks about himself, instead of thinking about me." Why is it bad to think about yourself? If a bandit attacks me, should I think about his interests, and not about mine? Or in business - should I be thinking about competing interests? Or is selfishness something else?
In my opinion, selfishness is not when a person thinks first of all about himself and his interests, because this is just normal, but when he does not take into account other people at all. When, for some reason, a person has formed in such a way that it is difficult for him to do this.
For example, if from childhood everyone is jumping around the child, satisfying his every whim, and they never explain to him that the parents may be tired or they have some interests of their own. And the child does not develop such a skill at all - to somehow check with other people. And then it turns out such a person who is sincerely perplexed - why does my wife leave me? Everything suits me. So what if I'm shouting and not interested in her opinion? I am so, let him accept me as I am.
Another option is more interesting. These are people who sincerely believe that they are so tortured by life and they do something for someone all the time - this is what I try for the children and they should be grateful to me.
For example, a mother-in-law who came to visit and begins to establish her own rules. And the dishes you wash the wrong way, and you need to take the gadgets from the children - it's harmful, you need to go to bed at 10, and not watch TV, and then you are doing the wrong thing. And if they begin to tell her that this is not allowed, that we have our own ideas about how we should live, he is sincerely offended, because in her idea she cares about them, and they are ungrateful egoists, do not want to reckon with her.
This type of egoist is formed in a different way. In this case, on the contrary, the interests of the child were not taken into account, but they criticized him abundantly. And he has such an inner critic formed inside him, with whom he constantly checks. Due to the fact that his interests were not taken into account, he also does not learn to see either his own interests or the interests of other people. He becomes a slave to these strict rules and guidelines. And he treats himself and others with these attitudes. At the same time, he does not see real other people. Other people for him are his projections. His inner critic thrashes him, forcing him to live by his own rigid rules and encourages him to demand the same from others.
Which behavior and which concept would be more constructive? We live only for ourselves and think only of ourselves, and let others think of themselves? or..?
In my opinion, it works best when we think about ourselves and about others. And if both people do this, then they have the opportunity to understand and take into account each other.
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