2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why is self-care often mistaken for self-care? Imagine a person who is focused only on himself and constantly puzzled by the question of how to make himself good. But what about the people around? Maybe they are uncomfortable? It may very well be. Should you ignore them, continue to do good only for yourself, or is it right to take care of others? We are in society, we are inevitably surrounded by people. How to find that balance in which self-care does not turn into selfishness?
Let's look at how the formation of the child's psyche takes place. And we will see that taking care of yourself is an important stage in the development of a personality, but not its goal.
The first stage is self-discovery and maintenance. The baby came into this world. To survive, he must learn to take care of himself. Before that, you need to understand your needs. Mom helps him in this. She guesses the needs of the child and satisfies them. For a while, she adjusts to his needs and rhythms. And this is good. At this stage, internal support and trust in your desires are formed. And also self-respect.
The next step is to discover the other. When a child learns to understand himself well and this becomes a habit, it becomes possible to look around and notice another. It turns out that he also has his own needs. Who is he in general, what does he want and love? This is where we notice other people and discover differences. And also the fact that you have to somehow reckon with this. Respect for the other person.
And the third stage is the development of empathy and interaction. I want one thing and my partner another. Sometimes you have to endure, sometimes to insist on your own, sometimes to conflict and come to a compromise. Cooperation training. Then a unique dance of two people begins and a creative process called relationships. The main task of this period is to learn to be close to another, noticing his needs, while not losing sight of himself.
Many of us know that we are good at taking care of others, but completely forget about ourselves. This happens to those whose needs were ignored and adaptation to the needs of an adult was considered a value. And now, already in adulthood, it is important to return to the period of studying your needs. You need to focus on yourself. Because there is a gap in this place. And then taking care of yourself becomes a priority. This is a very important and necessary period of life. Perhaps for someone at this moment, you seem selfish.
But, all this is necessary in order to then build a relationship with another person, and not in order to drown in your lonely comfort.
And selfishness will be if an adult is stuck at the first stage of development. When he thinks that his needs should be served by those around him. Remain in the illusion that others do not have their own desires and feelings. Or in the event that an understanding is not formed that my freedom ends where the freedom of another person begins. Lack of empathy, not the ability to notice a person next to his needs, treat it with respect and look for ways to interact.
Hence the confusion. Thinking and taking care of yourself is good. Selfishness will think and care ONLY about yourself. So, too, it is quite possible to live, the only payment for this is loneliness.
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