Love Yourself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The phrase “love yourself” was not heard only by the deaf. Usually this "revelation" is presented as a kind of magic pill that can solve all problems overnight: raise self-esteem, drown out mother's nagging, so inappropriately sounding in her head, improve relations with a partner, stop wanting to strangle the boss and finally take off up the career ladder. All of this is truly possible because the world truly loves those who love themselves. Rather, it appreciates - because we want it or not, but it is from the point of view of our "value" that relationships in society are built. The main question is how to love yourself?

The answer is simple, like everything ingenious - to raise your value - first of all in your own eyes. Stop being in complexes, score on other people's imposed stereotypes and learn to listen to your inner voice. Exactly his own, and not mom, husband or collective MaryIvanna. When a person is in harmony with himself, is not ashamed of his desires and fully accepts his pros and cons, it is easy for him to build boundaries, satisfy his own needs and feel his true desires.

If you are a reflective quiet man who is comfortable in the shadows, do not break yourself, portraying an avant-garde soldier - find that niche (in life and relationships) where this quality will be appreciated. If you are a sociable chatterbox who loves attention, you do not need to hide in the closet of your own complexes. Be honest about what you want. And send in the forest all those who try to instill in you a feeling of guilt or impose their own scenario of actions. Life is one, and your task is to live it to your heart's content.

Sounds like a recipe for selfishness, right? Maybe. And this is good. Because an egoist is a person who takes care of himself. And only such a person is able to subsequently take care of others.

If you constantly deny yourself everything for the sake of "the happiness of others", you will not last long. And you certainly won't be happy. And most importantly, the people around you will not become happier either. The ability to refuse and defend your boundaries is vital. The policy of conciliation and the lack of clear rules will provoke constant raids into your territory. As a result, you will get angry, exhausted, and then blame yourself.

You have the right not to go to the dacha and not dig in the beds, you can leave a boring party, fight back a screaming boss or a presumptuous neighbor, and of course, you have every right to end an outdated relationship. You can endure something, change your plans for the sake of another and share the latter only because you so want to. In all other cases, just say no.

What will happen if you do not learn to respect, appreciate and love yourself? Most likely, you will simply drown under a wave of imposed expectations and social stereotypes. At any age and any status, you will be unable to do something, and you will be guilty of something. You will be seen as a lifeline, a girl to fight, an unnecessary thing, a tool for getting what you want - anything, but not a separate person who needs to be valued and respected. And yes, to love, of course.

Under the influence of all these other people's opinions, you will fall into the trap of “it’s my own fault,” because “sacrifice and happiness achieved through suffering” is a lie and a substitution of concepts that destroys us from the inside.

Taking on responsibility for the whole world is characteristic of early grown-up daughters of single mothers and demanding fathers. These women carry home and work, solving thousands of problems on their own. Why? Because they cannot do otherwise. Because the only way to earn love is to live up to the ideals of others. And no matter how old such a woman is, what her social status is, in a relationship she is or is free - she will again and again look for imperfections in herself, devaluing all her achievements in an attempt to keep up with someone else's ideal.

As a psychologist, I see several problems here: the inability to build boundaries, fear of the future and the need to control everything.

Women with a heightened sense of responsibility do not know how to say no. They live in constant fear of not being in time and not overseeing, because the future is associated with them exclusively with the consequences of their own actions. The same goes for the need to control everything. It's easier to do it yourself than to suffer from guilt if something goes wrong.

What to do about it?

Learn to relax and trust people.

Believe me, the sky will not fall to the earth, and the sun will still rise in the East. Give others a chance to be responsible adults. And just have pity on yourself. Set aside at least an hour a day to do something that you love, that gives you strength and makes you smile. Listen to music, take a walk, read a book, or take a bath. And let the whole world wait.

Stop being afraid of mistakes.

Forgive yourself for everything - in advance. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has conflicts, and no one is perfect. Instead of agonizing about "I'm a bad mother (wife, daughter)", spend time with your loved ones just like that - not according to the protocol. Take an unscheduled movie trip, eat pizza instead of porridge, and have a heart-to-heart talk instead of lecturing and directions.

Do not be manipulated.

You are an adult and it is your word that is the law for you. Neither a hysterical mother, nor an offended husband, nor an insolent teenager have a right to your life. The play is played for the audience. As soon as you stop reacting, the manipulators immediately collapse the big top. If you do not want to gnaw yourself alive all your life because of non-existent guilt, start saying "no" to the manipulators.

Learn to praise yourself.

The ability to enjoy small things is an integral part of self-love. Remember all your merits, no matter how insignificant they may seem to others. Make a list of such victories and in moments of mental adversity, grab not your heart, but a list of your own achievements.

Letting go of the resentment.

It is she who constantly whispers "samavinovata" in your ear. Stop proving your perfection to everyone. If you like your life, what does it really matter what they say behind your back.

And finally, about love.

About self-love, of course. Let the already disliked little girl within you find freedom. Love yourself - the way you would like to be loved. Have an affair with you, spend an unforgettable weekend in your company and finally understand how wonderful you are.

Trust me, you are doing great. It remains only to realize this and find harmony in relations with oneself and this generally good world.