"Kvochka Mom" - Grief For The Child

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Hello dear reader! I suppose that you are a mother, and perhaps the topic of hyperprotection worries you very much! Today I am starting to write a series of articles, thanks to which you can learn in more detail about the typology of mothers' behavior, about the advantages and disadvantages of this or that way of raising your child.

And so, today we will talk about the overprotective mom, or "mum-bump".

What does “mama-kvochka” feel?

An overprotective mom is in a constant state of anxiety. A woman sees a threat in every corner of the world, so she does everything to protect her child from potential danger. Mom is also driven by other fears, such as the fear of loneliness, old age, and being abandoned.

In this case, you can distinguish between healthy fear and unhealthy. It's good if mom discusses her feelings, gets old to come to terms with herself and solve the problem constructively.

"Kvochka mom" often feels anger, because she is surrounded by "fools" who only want to scam the child. But you need to understand where the real situation is, and where "I got myself a little screwed up."

An overprotective mom often has problems in her personal life. She stops caring for her husband, or looking for a new man after a divorce, and devotes herself all to caring for the child. It is especially difficult when a mother does not have friends, a favorite job, or she does not show herself in other areas of life.

"Kvochka mom" very often feels resentment towards her mother, to whom she is still attached, but does not receive the necessary attention.

How do the people around them see such a woman?

Why did I say woman in the subtitle and not mom ?! Because, the "kvochka" is visible not only in her relationship with the child. Such a woman first gives herself to caring for a man, then forgets about herself, taking care of a child, and as a result becomes a malicious mother-in-law or mother-in-law.

First of all, mom has only positive intentions, which can be characterized as follows:

- Fear that the child will encounter adversity on the path of life and he will make a lot of mistakes. In this regard, the woman tries to isolate him from those around him, all the friends of the child are dangerous, and relatives will only harm. As a result, the child grows up withdrawn, has practically no friends, or has low social activity. But how could it be otherwise, because the world is so terrible, and you cannot make mistakes.

- Caring for a child is accompanied by anxiety. Mom exaggerates the dangers that can happen to the child. Fears that are imposed on the baby can then be used as a means of manipulation.

- Caring is obsessive. The child cannot choose, because if you refuse, you are still persuaded to do what the mother needs. Kissing and slandering a child without some kind of aggressive attitude, a woman always achieves her goal, because how can you contradict such a caring mother who does so much for you.

- Mom exaggerates the desires of the child. The poor kid is hungry, tired, offended, etc. Something can be justified, but something is a figment of fantasy, because if the child has no desire, there is no one to take care of, and this is equal to the loss of the meaning of life.

- Mom does not give the child rest. The woman constantly checks what the child is doing, she intrudes into his activities and even tells him how to do it correctly.

The goal of the overprotective mother is to preserve the rights to the child as long as possible. When a child grows up, we can hear “I gave you my whole life”, “Shame on you, I'm lonely / sick” and much more. It is important to tie the child, and it does not matter how old he is.

How does the child feel?

The child of an overprotective mother tries to radically change his position, but he does not know how it could be otherwise. Mom does not give the opportunity to "jump off", so she shows her child how terrible and dangerous the world is, in order to surely discourage the desire to leave.

The child of an overprotective mother can be recognized by the following manifestations:

- a high level of anxiety (the world is a source of hostility);

- the child does not know what he wants (the mother satisfies all desires, even if they have not yet had time to arise, or perhaps even would not have arisen);

Anecdote in the subject

Evening. A woman's voice from the balcony:

-Arkasha, home!

- Mom, am I cold?

-No, you're hungry!

- the child does not feel his personal boundaries, because the mother always violated them, and the baby grew up thinking that it was right;

- has difficulties in establishing contacts with people, because often a mother protects her child from friends who "they will teach you" bad ". As a result, the child simply has no experience of interacting with people.

- when a child grows up, he has difficulties in creating a family. The partner remains in the background, and the mother simply "bursts" into their family life.

In adulthood, some children may separate. Mom, who thinks that a child is a joy in old age, begins to be rude to the child, reproach and humiliate him. Although the latter may feel guilty, nevertheless, he will feel free and go as far away from his parents as possible.

How can a mother stop being a “little queen” and harmonize her life?

If in the process of reading the article, you recognized yourself, or perhaps noted some points, then I offer you tips that will allow you to make friends with yourself and learn to interact with your child at a higher level.

I recommend:

• Work with a psychologist who will help you look at the situation more soberly, get rid of unfounded fears and anxieties, understand yourself and your real needs, and learn to understand the baby.
• Take care of yourself, remember what you dreamed about, what plans you had for the future, try to do what brings joy, and not because "a good mother should do this."
• Try to give your energy evenly to every area of your life: family, friends. Profession, image, education, love and much more that you choose yourself.
• Control yourself! Do not interfere with the affairs of the child, be a loving observer. Accept the fact that if your child needs help, he will ask for it himself.
• Evaluate the benefits for the child. If a child climbs a tree, he becomes bolder and more confident, if he falls, he will have an important experience! But if you do not let him do this, you will only teach him to be insecure, to perceive the world as a danger and cause fear to take action.
• Involve other relatives in raising the child. The kid will be able to see more models
• behavior, learn different ways to respond, and you get the opportunity to relax and spend time with benefit for yourself.

Forget the expression “mom knows best”, because only a child knows what exactly he needs. Give him more freedom and respect and as a result you will get a harmoniously developing personality who will successfully go through life.