Disbelief In Oneself: What Happens And Where It Comes From

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Disbelief in existence: yourself, the world, meaning

A person may be unsure if he is alive. Does he want to live. Is it worth it to live. Is there any meaning in his life and life in general. Does the world exist. Or is it a hologram in the pimple matrix on the Macaroni Monster's ass. Does this world have any meaning. Etc. etc. There can be a denial of the body and, in general, everything material, earthly. It's scary to act. Contacting people is scary. And somehow there is nothing. And in general, everything is somehow impersonal, tasteless, insensitive. It is tolerable to be only in your own fantasies and thoughts.

Trauma is the right to life. Formed during the prenatal period, childbirth, several months after birth. Or an experienced threat to life: a one-time threat or long-term toxic living conditions (mental, physical abuse). A person mentally, as it were, was not embodied in life, or incarnated, and then "was born back" - from the horror experienced in the world.

Disbelief that "I can do it."

It seems that it is useless to do something - whatever you do, you will still get a "fig". No matter how hard you try, there will be no result or the wrong result.

"I won't succeed" -> "I won't get it" -> "They won't give me anything."

Trauma is right to needs. Up to two years, but sometimes later. When the baby cries, he calls for his mother, but no one comes. Asks for handles, but they push him away. He asks for a pacifier, and she is smeared with mustard ("Whatever I ask, I get some kind of shit"). He says "give me", but hears "a hand in shit." Plunges into despair and hopelessness, depressive mood. Everything is useless and everything is wrong. (An article on this topic "Fragments of the session" From disbelief in oneself to confidence and fullness. ")

Disbelief that "I can."

As in the anecdote about three desires - "What, was it possible?" Can I want something on my own? Can I do something on my own? Can you want more than …? A person lives in very close restrictions and does not see, does not allow opportunities for himself. “Yes, maybe someone can buy a house in Spain, but I certainly can't,” although in fact nothing bothers me, but there’s not even an idea that “I can”.

The injury of the right to autonomy. Usually at 2-4 years old, but it happens earlier / later. It can be associated both with a violation of the separation process, and, in principle, with a large number of restrictions in the family. Too tightly swaddled arms and legs. “Don't go there, don't do it”, “Don't run far from me”, “Well, where are you going?”. Constant “no”, “don’t do it”, “don’t go”, “you can’t”, “this is not for you”, “you cannot”, “let me do it for you”, “you cannot want it”, etc. etc.

Disbelief that "I am good enough and worthy of something good."

Internal conviction "I am bad, I am a schmuck, I am a nonentity." And nothing good shines for me.

Trauma is right to be good, injured is worth. At about 2-4 years old, but m. and earlier / later. They often scold, praise little or not at all, often accuse and, as a rule, unfairly, do not say warm words. Also m. experience of mental / physical / sexual abuse, humiliation. Also m. the experience of rejection - when the parent “abandoned” (the child makes the wrong conclusion “it means that I am bad and unworthy”).

Disbelief that one can make mistakes, be imperfect and at the same time “survive”, remain loved

The other side of trauma is the right to be good, the injured value, the trauma of rejection. Inflated demands, expectations from parents, the need to be "their pride", to be the first and best in everything, to learn to do something earlier than others and in general ahead of time, dominance by circles and developmental programs. They also praise little and scold a lot, or vice versa praise too intensely, demanding to correspond to the praise. Overly upset or rejected if something doesn't work out perfectly.

Disbelief that you can remain yourself and remain in contact

Experienced family and / or community rejection. The requirements of the system to play certain roles, to be presented with a certain "facade", otherwise expulsion or deprivation of some rights will follow.

Disbelief in oneself in matters of love and sexuality, that “they can choose me”, “they can love me”, “they can desire me”, “you can be in a love relationship with me”, “I can be the only one / they will not change me”

In addition to all of the above, the trauma of the right to love and sexuality. Usually at 4-6 years old. No permission was received “you can be loved and desired, you can build a relationship with a girl / boy of your age, and mom / dad is my wife / my husband”. Rejection was received from the parents when presenting their tender feelings and desire for bodily contact. Or there was an abuse of these feelings, including sexual. Change of role positions - the child becomes, as it were, the spouse of one of the parents.

There is, for example, a completely natural anxiety in front of something new, in which there is still no experience. It's okay not to be sure. And a person with a more or less strong rear (who has received unconditional love and acceptance) feels support - both on himself and on those close to him - and goes to act, keeping his anxiety in his pocket, like a small pebble - it just exists, but does not interfere. But for a person with certain difficulties in history, it may be more difficult to cope with anxiety, in some cases it becomes, as it were, more than he, absorbs him, and he is no longer able to act. Fortunately, many things are corrected in therapy.