What Is The Search For Oneself, And Why Are We Failing?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What mark to leave behind? What is important to do? What is interesting to me?

These questions did not occupy a person for many centuries, and for many centuries after that they occupied only individual minds, of which the top of society consisted. How did everyone else live? It depends on who was born in what environment, what his family did, what their level of income is. A person (especially a woman) who transcends accepted norms, does something beyond what he is expected, or the exact opposite, is considered a rebel, an exception.

In the modern Western world, a person has to answer these questions when he is still in school. Numerous vocational guidance questionnaires, conversations with a psychologist, more and more persistent questions from parents. Even more - a small child confronts the question "What do you want to become when you grow up?" What should he answer? Based on what can he make this choice? Very often he answers, based on what image of the world he has formed, people of what professions he has met, and what he has already tried to do. This is hardly a deliberate choice. Then why are we, people in search of ourselves, recommended to remember what we did in childhood with pleasure? Therefore, in childhood, our experiences are more accessible to us. The child is still not stopped in his dreams. But, growing up, he adapts to those around him, and often loses this ability.

So, you are a schoolboy facing the choice of a life path, a student who has chosen a university and faculty, but does not know whether he wants to develop in this profession, or an adult who is disappointed in his profession and is looking for himself in something else.

The first thing you come across is that you are failing. There are several reasons:

1. The nature of the question. Who to look for if here I am, - breathing, moving, and after all doing something? Specific questions can be: "Is there something in my environment that arouses my particular interest?", what should be in it? " There is a huge difference between "seeking" yourself and "creating." When I search, it means that there is some only possible option suitable for me, and I run the risk of never finding myself if I make a mistake. When I create, it means that any choice that I make forms my story, and everything that I choose is equally important to me in different periods of my life, so I do not risk anything, just trying something new.
2. You don't know your values yet. But please, not "world peace". This is what is directly related to your activity. For example: the ability to freely express your thoughts; enough time to recuperate; the ability to communicate with people (or, conversely, the ability to be alone more often); solve complex problems and so on. Everything or almost everything that is important to you should be in front of your eyes when you are looking for your calling.
3. You think you only have one calling. Therefore, if you are doing something else, then you are simply wasting precious days of your life, even if it brings you some income. According to the theory of psychotherapist and career counselor Barbara Sher, there are two types of people - "scanners" and "divers". Scanners have many talents, they are interested in a lot. Divers, on the contrary, choose one area and dive into it headlong. Determine who you are, and this will give you a hint - to dive into some area of knowledge or art, or to be interested in a little bit of everything, and make discoveries for yourself at the intersection of areas. The world needs both. It is important not to discount your personality and not try to meet the expectations of others. It is also important to understand that all of your experience, even if you have been doing what you do not like, has brought you to the point where you are now. Without him, you would be a completely different person.
4. You don't have enough knowledge about the world. The traditional school is lagging behind the requirements of a rapidly changing market, it is a fact. Do graduates know anything about such professions as trader, SEO-optimizer, PR-manager? If their natural curiosity was not enough to independently search for such information, then it is unlikely. But this is something worth doing to find out what professionals are in demand now and what opportunities there are for training and development.
5. You don't know what you like. This can happen if for a long time you did not allow yourself to ask this question. For example, you were faced with strict requirements of your parents. Or you had impulses that were abruptly interrupted. You were directly forbidden, ridiculed, devalued the importance of what you like. This was especially pronounced among the parents of children who sought to realize themselves in creativity. In adulthood, you yourself do this to yourself - you continue to do an uninteresting business, but so diligently, but no strength remains on yourself. It takes a long time to work on oneself in order to return to natural impulses again.
6. You are in a stressful situation. Figuratively speaking, now you are a lion protecting its prey from hyenas, or an antelope fleeing from a pursuer. Agree, this is not the time to think about the future. First you need to complete the stressful situation, ensure your safety, and only then return to the issues of self-realization.

What to read:

"Important years. Why you shouldn't put off life until later", Mag J

"What to Dream About" by Barbara Shay

"Flow. The Psychology of Optimal Experience" by Mihai Csikszentmihalyi

"Motivation and Personality", Abraham Maslow

"The Psychology of Stress" by Robert Sapolsky