Why The Search For "yourself" Is Often Self-deception

Video: Why The Search For "yourself" Is Often Self-deception

Video: Why The Search For "yourself" Is Often Self-deception
Video: Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV 2024, March
Why The Search For "yourself" Is Often Self-deception
Why The Search For "yourself" Is Often Self-deception
Anonim

Nowadays the fashion is to look for "oneself". At the same time, the majority for some reason is sure that this is "themselves" - this is necessarily something pleasant, joyful, good, or even God knows how beautiful it is.

This is not necessarily the case.

Often, as a result of the search for "oneself", a person comes to a downtrodden, unhappy inner child. And oh, how much work on yourself is needed so that the children's parts, instead of a source of problems, become a source of a resource.

Sometimes the motivation is based on anxiety or fear. And on this anxiety or fear, a person achieves a lot. But the basis is still not very pleasant feelings.

Sometimes successful strategies are based on the fear that I will not be accepted as I am. And then a person climbs out of his skin to achieve everything that can be achieved, and then all the same returns to the same - the fear that he will not be accepted and will not be loved for who he is.

There are two sides to every strategy: the relatively good and the relatively bad. For example, a person has a well-established strategy of “not feeling” or “being superficial” - and in many contexts this is a plus, it works great. But there will definitely be contexts in which it works in the negative (in personal relationships, for example).

And it's not so easy to take this strategy and divide it into contexts. She has a bunch of benefits, and what else. Protection if you like.

Maybe if people understood better what this “me” is, which they are looking for so hard, then those who want to look for it would be significantly reduced. Because in fact, such a search for "oneself" is about unwillingness to work on oneself and take responsibility. Who hide behind the search for "themselves".

Well, do you seriously think that your "me" is a potential president of the United States, whom it is enough to find and everything will be tip-top? Or somewhere inside there is a mega-feminine woman or a super-man that you can find inside - and again everything will be mega-cool?

I don't remember exactly where I heard it, but it's true. One cannot find oneself, one can only create oneself. Piece by piece. Under your own responsibility.

It’s not that I’ve found something there inside me - and, oh shit, like in a fairy tale, life turned upside down and everything became cool. You need to work - on goals, on motivation, on strategies for achieving goals. Observe, analyze, change and analyze again.

Different goals, different strategies. Different strategies - different motivations, and not always good ones. The point is whether a person is ready to be aware of his motivation. Because here many can expect a surprise - not always a pleasant one.

Yes, of course, underneath all the strategies and baby parts, somewhere, there is a good pleasant state that each of us is given at birth. Someone calls this an essential state, someone true. But in order to reach it, you need to work on yourself - gradually and in stages.

And then the search for "myself" for many, in my opinion, has already turned into a search for a certain prince on a white horse or a search for a beautiful princess - so I will find, like, this is "myself" and there will be a lot of happiness for me and everything in life will work out. Well, happily ever after - like in fairy tales.

Human life consists of stages, and a person develops throughout his life. In childhood, adolescence, adulthood. In relationships, without relationships, in fatherhood and motherhood, in work or in self-realization. Each aspect has strategies, motivation, challenges - and each stage has something to work on. As soon as one stage of development with its tasks ends, the next one begins. This is fine.

Life is like that) Although this is precisely what it is interesting for - new tasks that arise at each stage.

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