Prohibition On Expressing Feelings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There are a lot of moments in life when, in order to advance on your path and further harmonious existence, you need to follow your desires and take a step forward or simply express your feelings, and it would seem that it is enough to be guided by the rule “do what you want, if it is for anyone does not harm. But a barrier rises in front of a person.

"If I express my feelings or do an act, it will upset someone, it will make someone angry, I will seem ridiculous and I will be rejected." And a person gets stuck in his throat with a legitimate “no” in response to something not satisfying, an opinion on a question concerning him, a request for help, recognition in a warm attitude, creative ideas get stuck. He shrinks into a lump, so as not to feel and not express too much, because the fear of rejection is one of the most ancient, because to be alone before was equal to death.

Almost everyone has a similar barrier of one height or another, this is a consequence of the widespread model of upbringing, in which the child is not allowed to be himself, instead, it is encouraged to reshape himself according to the needs of adults. Where it would be worthwhile to acquaint the child with his feelings and teach them to express them in a socially acceptable form, something else happens: he is told “shut up, people are watching, mom is ashamed of you, you can't cry”, “you made it up, you really are not it hurts,”“no one asks you what you want,”“I don’t love you like that,”“your mother’s head hurts because of your tears,”and so on.

The prohibition on the expression of feelings and actions dictated by desires can become a center around which, like a snowball, layers of phobias, trauma, and other psychological difficulties roll. Sometimes, in order for the "snow" to actively begin to melt, it is necessary to unfreeze the feelings hidden in the center.

First, learn to recognize feelings and distinguish them from each other; for these purposes, a "diary of feelings" is suitable, in which you can write down your feelings and states, while gradually gaining the skill of understanding feelings and the reasons for their appearance.

At the second stage, you can learn to express them so that it is constructive, with the help of "I-statements", for example, "I am upset because I expected a different attitude towards myself", "I heard disdain in your tone", "I do not have enough attention" … The charge of aggression can be discharged by hitting pillows, sports, or any other intense physical activity. After examining your interests, it is polite to say "no" if the offer does not coincide with your personal interests.

Find the determination to act in accordance with your interests, without touching other people's borders and not confusing the latter with attempts at manipulation by others. There is a big difference between “I want to live alone, so mom, move out of the apartment” (violation of mom’s interests) and “I want to live alone, I am leaving to rent a separate house, and my mom is crying that she will be bored and blackmails that she will get sick and die” (here manipulation by the mother, hiding under the guise of violating her interests).

You can get in touch with your feelings, learn to express them without fear of rejection, on your own or with the help of a psychologist, he will support you on the way to developing new skills.