2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Hello mother. I'll be fifty tomorrow. Everyone says this is not age. But Im scared. What is the point of living if you will never be as beautiful as before. And what's the point?
You know, Mom, all my life I wondered why others pretend to love their wives, husbands, children, have dogs, cats and run around with them. Then I realized: this is how they are trying to win the admiration of others - after all, they are so good and correct.
And I married Katka, especially since she really wanted to. Dimka was born, and I obediently played the role of an exemplary father and husband. But soon it became unbearably bored, and I went to Tatiana - she smiled at me so, so sparkled her eyes that I could not resist. The passion quickly passed, but Sonya was born, and I had to stay - I couldn't leave another child. The people around me would think of me as a monster.
But when my daughter went to school, I could not resist and went to Larisa - the one I met at the bar. She was very good - none of her friends had such a woman.
After a couple of months, the passion evaporated like a soap bubble, but keeps the joint property - Larisa will wrap me like a sticky one if I decide to divorce.
Mom, my soul is so nasty. Increasingly, I hate myself when I look in the mirror. Hid old photos - it hurts too much to look at. I'm getting old. How will I live if women stop smiling at me?
I have nothing to cling to. The emptiness sucks me in. Previously, the admiration of others and passion for women saved. I breathed this passion. I was ready to go to the ends of the world for the one that smiled at me.
Do you remember, mom, how you smiled at me when I went to first grade? She just smiled, standing in the crowd of parents. I thought my heart would burst with happiness. Then I decided: you are glad that I am finally going to school, because I have always disturbed you at home.
And I began to be at home less often, so that you were happy with me, stayed for an extended period, but you didn’t seem to notice it. I didn’t notice my highs either. I've never been good enough for you. But at the end of the third grade, you complimented me when the teacher called me the best. And she smiled at me again. Then I wanted to throw myself on your neck, but did not dare, although I saw more than once how the mothers of friends hug them. I was so jealous that I cried furtively a couple of times. And I began to dream: you and I are alone in a magical land, I am your prince, and every day you praise me just like that, not for something - just because you have me, you smile and hug me.
Mom, now you are old and sick. I am ashamed that you have become like this. I will not come to you again this month - as usual I will lie something, but I will definitely send more money so that you and your father would thank me and call me a guardian angel. I don’t mind the money - my company has long been the best on the market. For a little while, it will give me the opportunity to be proud of myself … And, of course, I will never send you this letter.
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