Fifty Shades Of Unearthly Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Considering the history of the formation of psychoanalytic theory, it can be noted that the topic of incest and the related traumatization was initially the cornerstone of the whole theory, as well as the cause of the greatest controversy, attacks on the founder of psychoanalysis, and, as a result, still did not escape total taboo. We have many works on the topic of the incest taboo, there are also those that can tell us about the ban on telling about it, on memories, and even on the existence of such a fact in the personal biographies of our clients. And what kind of topic can boast of a triple, or the most powerful taboo in general on the very thoughts in this direction?

It looks like it is mother and daughter incest. Never noticed, dear colleagues, that porn sites are full of videos and photos of two women, both mature and very young, secluded and enjoying each other? And what is their rating? I'll tell you a secret - one of the tallest. But if we, as specialists, try to search the Internet for material about this phenomenon and figure out what is what, then we will get links to the same thing and to a dozen well-known works read along and across. Is that all? And that's all. So why is this so?

The topic of mother and daughter incest is subject to the greatest suppression among relevant specialists. This can be understood ambiguously. On the one hand, the topic itself is significantly traumatic for specialists, evokes a stormy response, and the denial of its existence, as such, is the most elementary defense mechanism. In addition, the peculiarities of the internal structure of clients are such that not every therapist is able to contain this toxic mixture, not all of us have enough tact and caution so as not to retraumatize such a patient. And one more, and, it seems, the most important, is that, according to the study of foreign authors, 90% of patients in acute and chronic psychiatric departments have a history of incest, and almost all stories of mother-daughter incest have a continuation of severe psychosis with a serious loss of safety. … Far from many, and only by a miraculous coincidence of circumstances, there is a chance not to lose contact with such a destructive reality.

That is why we do not see them, we do not know about what happened to them, we naively believe that this phenomenon is so rare that it makes no sense to talk about it a lot.

Chasseguet-Smegel, in his work "Mother and Daughter - a Family Affair of Different Generations", believes that only violation of boundaries in the relationship between mother and daughter can be considered true incest, and there are enough reasons for that. Close relationships with distant relatives or even siblings do not inflict a significant traumatic blow, which disintegrates the essence of a person as much as closeness with the father of a boy or girl. Why is it so. Because every person is subject to the process of natural psychosexual development. And in early childhood, the most significant figures in this process are dad and mom, and all the rest are already the background, filling the space. But, we all come from childhood, and no matter how the child grows, it still is the son or daughter of its parents. From this triad, we will move back along the track of time in order to understand the reason for my mother's destructive love.

Triad period - mom, dad, me. A little Oedipus appears in the family, but this is preceded by a tremendous work, the process of giving birth to a human baby, as M. Mahler called it. Baby daughter falls in love with dad. And why? Yes, due to the fact that an affair with a mother normally should not take place in the form in which it is required by the experiences arising in the daughter. She turns to dad as the object of her mother's desires, as if becoming her, since there is no way to have her at her disposal.

Beloved mommy, the world around us, a safe haven, the garden of our fantasies. All of us in the course of life strive to return to it, to it, to fall to the source, to merge with the originally creative force. The mother, who has nurtured the body of her daughter in her womb, creates a mental image of it in the newborn baby with a glance radiating love, gentle touches, and tender songs. So she gives birth to her again and again, tempting to live on, develop, grow up and accumulate strength for complete separation, both physical and mental. What if all this is wrong?

When we talk about incest, we often talk about the violation of the boundaries of the child, the penetration of that invisible film that covers every soul. Yes, for the soul it is like death. And this can theoretically be done by any person except the mother. The woman who gave birth to this baby is beyond her power. Emotionally, mentally, she and the baby are forever connected under this invisible veil, entangled in one cocoon. It is the mother who separates from herself, lets her child go, it is she who creates his boundaries, but for her they remain quite transparent, no matter how old her child is. Mom is the first internal object, the first life experience. first scale of values …

And what kind of mother will break the boundaries common with the baby? Most often this comes to mind for psychotic mothers who have no clear boundaries, with a level of internal chaos that exceeds all limits. It is this chaos that absorbs the reality of the baby - daughter, sharing it with reality, plunging into the power of psychosis. And that is why it is so difficult for us to work with such clients, to admit their trauma, to believe them, and most importantly, to have enough inner warmth to warm and gather together a torn soul, scattered in different directions. This is one of the most difficult business, but believe me, colleagues, it is worth it.