How Not To Let People Rule You - 12 Golden Rules

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Every time when the word "must" sounds in a conversation, when it comes to duty or obligations, it is worth asking the question "Who needs it?"

You need - you do

Every time when the word "must" sounds in a conversation, when it comes to duty or obligations, it is worth asking the question "Who needs it?" Manipulators like to keep silent about what they want in the first place. For example, the parents' phrase "You need to find a job", cleared of manipulation, will sound like this: "I need you to stop sitting on my neck and go to work." In the meantime, the boy does not have to go to work, he sits comfortably on his neck.

Do not promise. If you promised - do it

Remember how often, under pressure from other people, you made rash promises. The manipulator will deliberately push you to make rash promises, and then exploit your guilt. Just don’t promise, but if you do, do it. Then think twice next time before taking on unnecessary commitments.

Don't ask - don't go

It often happens that we, guided by good intentions, only make things worse. We were simply not asked for help. Then our efforts are taken for granted. It is even worse when instead of one person asks another. Helping in such a situation, we also violate the law "You need to - you do it." If it seems obvious to you that a person needs help, take the opportunity to ask him if he is ready to accept it from you. Suddenly, the girl whose heel got stuck in the drain grate, set it up on purpose to meet that nice guy over there. And you, beech, took it and ruined everything. They could at least have asked.

Do not refuse a request

Any request implies gratitude. Manipulators tend to make empty promises or forget about services. Do the request, but do not hesitate to ask for a return service. Perhaps even in advance.

Live in the present (not the past or the future)

One of the most important laws, it helps to easily destroy the manipulation of comparison with you in the past. We never want to be worse than ourselves; other people often use this. For example, the manipulation “You weren't like this before” is easily destroyed “It used to be before”. Promises of a sweet future, the promises of half of the skin of an unkilled bear immediately cease after the question "So it will be later, but what exactly do you propose now?"

Don't get attached

How often do we become attached to a person, subject, or occupation? How strong can this attachment be without jeopardizing our peace of mind? Each has its own answer to this question. Just remember, these emotional connections can easily blackmail you. Don't let your loved ones become home terrorists, don't get lost.

Don't set a goal (the goal should serve as a beacon)

This was the strangest law for me. It is important for me to be purposeful. It took me some time to realize his wisdom. That is why I prefer his formulation with the addition of the lighthouse. If the goal is set incorrectly, then after reaching it, devastation sets in. Most likely, this goal is imposed on you from the outside. Therefore, always ask yourself or the people who inspire you to accomplishments, the question "And then what?" As an example, I will cite one of the favorite phrases of all parents: "You need to get a higher education." And then what? You can be a realtor, trade consultant or start your own business without higher education.

Do not bother

The most ingenious of all laws. It can and should be used both in relation to oneself and in relation to other people. The phrase "Please do not interfere" can work miracles. The main thing is to say it before you start to feel irritated.

There is no bad weather

The law with the greatest philosophical potential. He teaches you to use every opportunity, including your mistakes. It is formulated differently in other systems. For example, in NLP it sounds like this: "There are no failures, there is only feedback." So many people around you will be happy to remind you of your failures or complain about how bad everything is around. It is easy to influence your mood with this approach. In such cases, remember: there is no good or bad, there is only your attitude.

Do not judge, do not criticize

Sometimes it is very difficult to restrain yourself and not criticize other people. Only no one needs criticism - neither you, nor those around you. Remember this. When you are judged again, listen, but do not criticize in return. Here is my set of questions for such judges: "And what follows from this?", "How do you propose to change this situation?", "Why do you think that only your assessment of the situation is correct?" Better yet, just don't take the bad into your head, and the heavy into your hands.

Don't pass on information without making it yours (experience, skill, skill)

If you do not check the information that you spread further, then you turn into a gossip. They stop believing your words. Your enemies will gladly take advantage of this. When communicating with other people, clarify exactly how they verified the information they are giving you. Most do not check it at all, becoming a victim of undercover games or political propaganda.

Ask permission everywhere and always

Law from the field of etiquette. Its use will not only insure you against unnecessary efforts, but also create an image of a polite person for you. Just ask with inner confidence, otherwise you will look like an eternally doubting eccentric. By the way, I unwittingly used this law when I suggested asking if a person needs help. In the same way, other laws are connected with each other, thereby creating a mental shield against manipulation. Use it with a smile, just like when doing asanas.