2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Somehow the thought came to my mind that the secret of a good relationship is actually simple. It looks like this - in the bad - "we", in the good - "you". This formula is universal and, judging by my practice, works great.
This means that if there are any disagreements, resentments or misunderstandings in the family, then they should be considered from the point of view of "we". And there are only two questions in this case.
What are we doing wrong that this problem has arisen?
What can WE do to get the problem resolved?
Usually we see a completely different picture. In conflicts, mutual claims, reproaches and accusations are heard. Each seeks to stab the other more painfully and make him responsible for the fact that something went wrong in the family.
All these are wonderful "dry woods" tossed into the fire of discord, which flares up more and more brightly from them. It will not be easy to extinguish such a fire, and even if it succeeds or it dies out somehow by itself, smoldering embers will remain, ready to flare up at any moment from a careless word or action.
When we look at a conflict situation from the point of "we", then the responsibility for what happened is divided equally. And this is really so, because two people are always involved in a relationship, each contributes something of his own to the current development of events. Claping your hands with one hand does not work. And, before accusing another, angrily poking a finger at him, it is better to say: "Let's think, what are we doing wrong, since we have come to such a life?"
And then completely different horizons open up. A space appears where you can place a discussion, a joint search for a solution, an agreement and, of course, gratitude. This is the space where TWO fits and they look in the same direction. And this, following the well-known expression, is the guarantee of a long and happy family life!
As for the second part of the formula - in the good - "you" - then, here we are talking about noticing and paying tribute to the contribution of another in any positive situations. And not only in positive ones, in general in any!
You are somehow especially beautiful today!
Have you already nailed the shelf ?! Wow! So fast and so smooth!
It's so good that you met me with heavy bags, I myself would not have carried!
How successfully you suggested that site to me, I found a lot of necessary information there!
You won the trash can so well! How decisively you took it and threw it away! (Yes, that's right! Humor in family relationships is a good help!).
Here everyone gives attention and love to the other. And this is exactly what we all long for.
You can write this formula on a piece of paper and hang it in a prominent place so that at a critical moment you will stumble upon it with your eyes, slow down, offensive words that are ready to escape from your lips and force thought to flow in a different direction.
Try it!
In the bad - "we", in the good - "you".
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