Psychological Incest In Parent-child Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

… the psyche always uses the body,

to communicate something

convey some information and, thus prevent the implementation

forbidden drives and desires.

Joyce McDougal. "Theaters of the body"

This article is taken from the book "Fairy stories through the eyes of a psychotherapist", co-authored with Natalia Olifirovich and recently published by the Rech publishing house, St. Petersburg.

Preliminary remarks

In this article, we turned to the famous Russian folk tale "The Frog Princess" as a successful, in our opinion, illustration of the consequences of psychological incest between father and daughter. We consider the concept of psychological incest in a broad sense as a gross violation of the boundaries of the child by the parent (or parents), manifested in coercion, the imposition of their will, ignorance of the child's needs, early sexualization, etc. in various forms of psychological violence. The focus of our attention also falls on the phenomena of violation of psychological boundaries that arise in analogous relationships in the father-son dyad, also presented in this tale in the relationship between the father-king and his sons.

The consequences of psychological incest are not as noticeable and painful as with physical abuse. In addition, psychotherapists often encounter delayed results of such relationships: a woman's inability to find a suitable partner, fear of sexual contacts, mental and physical health disorders, etc. Thus, “in the background” there are more “mild” disorders: hysterical, masochistic, depressive, psychosomatic, etc., due to psychological incest between father and daughter.

Let us briefly recall its content. The king decides to marry his sons and invites them to choose a bride. The eldest wife gets a boyar's daughter, the middle one gets a merchant's daughter, and the youngest gets a frog. The younger brother is upset, but the frog turns out to be a needlewoman, a mistress, and a beauty. Having discovered these virtues in his frog wife, Ivan Tsarevich, fearing to lose her, burns the frog skin. However, this action leads to the disappearance of his wife, as a result of which the main character is forced to free her from the hands of Koshchei the Immortal, the father who turned his daughter into a frog.

Patriarchal world

This story is unusual in that there is not a single mother in it. The tale describes the patriarchal world, where there are two paternal figures - the tsar, the father of Ivan Tsarevich, and Koschey the Immortal, the father of Vasilisa the Wise.

In a family with a father, mother and child, the relationship is multifaceted, full of different contexts, conflicts and situations. The child is faced with a reality where there is a father and mother. The father destroys the mother-child bond, thereby emphasizing the boundaries between the sexes (men - women) and generations (children - adults), as well as the fact that the child does not have adult sexuality. However, sometimes, due to certain circumstances (death or hypofunctionality of the mother), the child remains tet-a-tet with the father.

What is the world of the Father, where there is no mother? What is the peculiarity of the situation where the dichotomy of complementary moments "male - female" is not presented? The characteristics of this world include, first of all, a rigidly hierarchical structure of relations. All are subordinate to the father and he makes decisions for everyone.

Each father is the head of his own world. In the hands of an authoritarian father, a huge amount of power is concentrated. It is he who determines the order, the system of values, traditions, develops rituals, sets the boundaries of his system. In this world there is no place for the "feminine" - sympathy, understanding, tenderness, love. Everything is subject to one law - the word of the Father. The other is perceived through his functions, which ensure the inviolability of the paternal world.

In this world, there is no place for freedom, choice, the needs of an individual - everything is decided by the father. At the very beginning of the tale, the king calls his sons to him and says to them:

“- My dear children, now you are all at an age, it's time for you to think about brides!

- For whom should we, father, marry?

- And you take an arrow, draw your tight bows and shoot arrows in different directions. Where the arrow falls - there and woo”.

Note - no one asks the sons whether they are ready for marriage, whether they want to get married, whether they have a bride in mind. The Tsar-father himself chooses and imposes on his sons both the time and the method of finding a bride.

“The brothers went out into the wide paternal yard, drew their tight bows and fired.

The older brother shot the arrow. An arrow fell on the boyar yard, and the boyar daughter raised it.

The middle brother shot the arrow - the arrow flew to the rich merchant in the courtyard. Raised her merchant daughter.

Ivan Tsarevich shot an arrow - his arrow flew straight into a swampy swamp, and a frog-frog raised it …"

It is noteworthy that the father ignores the age difference between the children. This is one of the hallmarks of a dysfunctional family system. The youngest son is not yet ready for marriage. Therefore, the process of finding a bride in a fairy tale can be viewed in the context of the younger son's resistance to his father's will. On the one hand, Ivan Tsarevich is not able to directly confront his father, on the other hand, he is not ready to defend his position. A compromise between his own desire and his father's arbitrariness is embodied in an unsuccessful outcome: both the arrow flies into the swamp, and the bride is a frog.

However, despite Ivan's obvious resistance, expressed in his choice of an unsuitable object for marriage, the father ignores the current situation and demands the fulfillment of his will: “Take the croak, nothing can be done!”. This is evidence of the father's rigidity and the inflexibility of the rules he developed.

Marriage means a new stage in a person's life - the stage of his psychological and social maturation. However, in the fairy tale, the father does not recognize the formal and informal adulthood of his sons and continues his trials.

“The day after the wedding, the king called his sons and said:

- Well, my dear sons, now all three of you are married. I would like to know if your wives know how to bake bread. Let them bake me a loaf of bread by morning."

Let's pay attention to the fact that no man, except the father, has the right to vote and does not make decisions. This is an illustration of such a phenomenon of the patriarchal world as a rigid hierarchical system of relations and a lack of freedom for those who are at the bottom of the hierarchical ladder. Decision-making by one person inevitably leads to the infantilization of everyone else: lack of initiative, interest in life, total submission, and, as a consequence, to depression.

The father continues to suppress everyone around him. For example, he does not care at all that daughters-in-law will have to work all night - they must accept the rules and become cogs in a well-coordinated system where any deviation from the rules is punished or publicly condemned, and complete submission is approved.

“The older brothers also came, brought their loaves, only they have nothing to see: the boyar's daughter's bread was burnt, the merchant's - it was raw and crooked.

The tsar first took the loaf from the elder prince, looked at it and ordered it to be taken to the courtyard dogs.

Took the middle one, looked and said:

- You will eat such a loaf only out of great need!

The turn came to Ivan Tsarevich. The king took a loaf from him and said:

- This bread is only on big holidays!"

Thus, the father is characterized as a narcissistic and very categorical person with a black-and-white view of the world: the loaf can either be "thrown away by the dogs" (depreciation), or "there is for big holidays" (idealization).

Note that a woman in a patriarchal world needs to be courageous in order to survive, adapt, and get the approval of the "alpha male". Only through his acceptance can she take a "good place" in the system, because other men are completely dependent on the will-arbitrariness of the older male figure.

Personal characteristics of the child of a patriarchal father

In a family with a tough, authoritarian, suppressive parent, the child most often develops, as we noted above, a depressive characterology. An illustration of this in the fairy tale is the situation of Ivan returning home to his young frog wife.

“Ivan Tsarevich returned to his chambers unhappy, hung his head below the shoulders of a riot.

- Kva-kva, Ivan Tsarevich, - says the frog-frog, - why are you so sad? Or did you hear an unkind word from your father?

- How can I not be sad! - Ivan Tsarevich answers. - My father ordered that you yourself bake a loaf of bread by the morning …"

N. McWilliams emphasizes that “people in a depressed state direct most of their negative affect not to another, but to themselves” (N. McWilliams, p. 296). Thus, all of Ivan's aggression towards his father is suppressed and transformed into auto-aggression. The predominant defense mechanisms in depressed people are introjection and turning against oneself (retroflection).

The tale presents two options for the development of the script.

The first is depressive, illustrated by the example of the personality structure and behavior of Ivan Tsarevich. His strong dependence on his father manifests itself in following "toxic" introjects because of the fear of manifesting his own self. The consequence of such an authoritarian upbringing is infantilism, as a person's inability to grow up and gain freedom and autonomy. The matrix of Ivan's relationship with his father shapes not only his behavior, but also determines his way of thinking and emotional processes. Because of anxiety and fear, Ivan is unable to think logically and is always in sorrow.

The second variant of development is represented by the image of the Frog Princess. The tale sparingly describes Vasilisa's life in the parental home. We only know that "Vasilisa the Wise is wiser and wiser than her father, Koshchei the Immortal, was born, he was angry with her for that and ordered her to be a frog for three years." Here we are again faced with a partiarchal world, the rules of which were violated by the daughter, who consciously (or unconsciously) entered into competition with her father. Interestingly, the emphasis is on the "head" - the intellectual sphere, the rational dimension of relations. It seems normally a father should be proud of his daughter's intelligence. However, according to the plot, he is so angry that he drives her out of the house, and not only drives her out, but turns her into a frog. What causes his affect and leads to such a cruel action? Why does he turn his daughter into a frog?

According to various Slavic beliefs and myths, the frog was once a woman. It is this motive, in our opinion, that is reflected in the analyzed fairy tale. The frog is often fearful. The reverence, respect and prohibition on killing frogs among many peoples is associated with legends that such an act can lead to terrible consequences - illness, death, revenge of the forces of nature (drought, bad harvest, etc.). Various superpowers are attributed to the frog: to heal, to bring happiness to the house, to cause rain, to protect the harvest, etc.

On the other hand, the frog is disgusting, primarily because of the moist, bumpy skin. That is why, in our opinion, the father, Koschey the Immortal, turned Vasilisa the Wise into a frog. Searching for an answer to the question "Why did he do it?" prompts us to speculate about the nature of the conflict between father and daughter.

It is interesting that “the death of Koshchei is at the end of the needle, that needle is in the egg, then the egg is in the duck, that duck is in the hare, that hare is in the forged casket, and that casket is on the top of an old oak tree. And that oak grows in a dense forest. " Koschey hides his "needle" in so many shells for a reason. It seems that this is how he tries to resist seducing his daughter. Usually in real life, the father, faced with the awakening of femininity in his daughter, sexuality unconsciously emotionally distances himself from her. However, these actions in the relations under consideration are not effective enough, and therefore additional mechanisms are needed to keep from rapprochement. This way in a fairy tale is the transformation of a daughter into a disgusting frog, rationalizing this action: "Vasilisa the Wise, wiser and wiser than her father, Koshchei the Immortal, was born, for that he was angry with her and ordered her to be a frog for three years." The end of the quote is interesting: “Well, there’s nothing to do, words cannot correct trouble” - awareness does not help, conversations do not lead to anything, excitement remains, and the transformation of Vasilisa into a disgusting frog is the only way for Koshchei to keep his “needle” away from his daughter …

Disgust in relationships, first of all, performs the function of limitation, aversion, separation of the subject from the object. In the most common cases, disgust marks a violation of boundaries. In a person with preserved sensitivity, usually when his boundaries are violated, aggression occurs, which leads to their restoration.

Much more difficult is the situation when disgust arises in a relationship where there is love. And here it also marks a violation of boundaries, but the subject is faced with two simultaneously existing ambivalent feelings - love and disgust, neither of which can be fully expressed. Love does not allow aggression, which hides disgust, and disgust blocks love. In such situations, the psychotherapist is usually faced with a frozen feeling, which manifests itself in the form of a symptom, most often a psychosomatic one. [Nemirinsky]

Thus, faced with the described phenomenon - the transformation of the beautiful and intelligent Vasilisa into a frog - we can assume that this action was taken by the father in order to build a boundary between himself and the seductive-seductive daughter in order to avoid an incestuous situation. It seems that in this situation, the only way to stay away from your daughter is to transform her into a sexually unattractive, disgusting creature - a frog. In real life, as we have already noted, a father can turn his daughter into a “toad” on a symbolic level - to notice in her only the bad and disgusting, to communicate sarcastically and humiliatingly with her, to humiliate and devalue … With this phenomenon, the daughter often faces the beginning of growing up. We called this phenomenon a “substitution” for a father: until recently, a warm, loving and sensitive father in a relationship with his daughter “turns” into a picky, prickly, aggressive person. These are all ways to keep from incest while hurting your child. Obviously, in such a dangerous situation, “erotic reproduction” is impossible: disorganized by his desires, by no means benevolent and even less generous, the father rudely rejects his daughter, creating in her a feeling (and state) of his inferiority, uselessness and external unattractiveness. The consequence of the described situation is a state of deficiency in the daughter: she continues to need tenderness, emotional attachment from her father, and without receiving this (in reality or in a symbolic mental space), she will not be able to grow up and get rid of the symptom, which is also a symbol of boundaries. and a symbol of connectedness.

The second possible scenario for the development of events in the current incestuous situation is the transformation “into a frog” initiated by the daughter herself (as, for example, in the fairy tale “Donkey's Skin”). If the father nevertheless violates the boundaries, the daughter herself can "organize" a symptom that causes disgust - a skin disease, excess weight, anorexia … Then, using the symptom, the daughter signals to the father: stay away from me, otherwise I: I can infect (with eczema, psoriasis), cause disgust (with obesity), I will soon disappear, I will completely leave you, perhaps to another world (with anorexia) … Nevertheless, the child has a longing for an absent and neglectful father, and the symptom is a way to stay connected with him, albeit at the cost of self-harm.

So, with an authoritarian, boundary-violating, seductive father, the daughter can organize defenses in such a way as to hide, run away from him physically and at the same time remain psychologically connected with him. Regardless of whether we are talking about real or psychological incest, such trauma often (but not always) leads to the formation of a dissociative personality. The essence of a dissociated or multiple personality is the existence of two or more selves with different characteristics. The cause of this disorder is trauma of various etiologies, but most often it is sexual abuse, which is detected in 97-98% of cases when this diagnosis is made [Putnam].

Symptom as protection

In the fairy tale we meet three Vasilisa I's. In the first hypostasis, she appears as an intelligent and beautiful girl. For example, her appearance at the feast is significant: “The carriage drove up to the porch, and Vasilisa the Wise came out of it - she herself shone like the clear sun. Everyone marvels at her, admires her, they cannot utter words from surprise. Appearing in the image of Vasilisa the Wise, the heroine is distinguished by an extreme degree of activity: she bakes loaves at night, weaves carpets, does not lose her optimism in crisis situations. In fact, she is always in an active, energetic, even manic state, adaptively acts when fulfilling requests and tasks, that is, she functions as a completely adequate self-sufficient person.

As the Frog Princess, the heroine basically calms her husband down, puts him to sleep like a child, escorts Ivan Tsarevich to his father, convinces him of the correctness of certain actions … Note that as a frog she both literally and figuratively decreases: and the quality of its functions, its identity is changing. If in the image of Vasilisa she is active and energetic, then as a frog she only asks Ivan for something or tries to calm and comfort him. It can be assumed that it is in this state of her that the infantile and immature husband Ivan suits her as an ideal partner, just as, incidentally, she suits her husband. Thus, as the Frog Princess, the heroine needs a partner who would provide her with status, shelter and minimal protection.

Of interest is the phenomenon of the transition from Vasilisa the Beautiful to the frog and back. It looks like Vasilisa appears in a security situation. Usually her husband is asleep or absent at this time. However, the heroine meets her husband's approach in the form of a frog. It can be assumed that it is difficult and scary for her to be alone with a man in the form of a beautiful girl - it is much easier to experience this experience in the form of a frog, which no one encroaches on as a woman. Frog skin protects Vasilisa from violations of boundaries and excessive attention from men.

The third self as Vasilisa arises after Ivan burns the frog skin. In fact, Ivan Tsarevich commits repeated traumatization: by burning his skin, he rudely invades his wife's personal space. It seems that for Ivan an unbearable encounter with the fact that his wife is a beautiful, free, courageous and energetic woman. A destructive attack on the wife's boundaries is a way to deal with your confusion, envy, and aggression. Ivan does not consult his wife, does not ask if what he is going to do is right - he secretly, like a child, “took a moment and ran home. I found the frog skin and burned it on the fire.

Skin is both a symbol of borders and the very border between man and the world. Ivan, burning his skin, acts like an inept psychotherapist - trying to work directly with the symptom. However, as you know, the symptom always has a protective function. After burning the skin, symbolizing a direct attack on the symptom, the client - Vasilisa - is completely disorganized and maladjusted. She says to her husband: “Oh, Ivan Tsarevich, what have you done! If you had waited three more days, I would have been yours forever. And now goodbye, look for me beyond the distant lands, the distant seas, in the thirtieth kingdom, in the sunflower state, at Koshchei the Immortal. As you wear out three pairs of iron boots, as you gnaw three iron loaves - only then will you find me …"

It is interesting that after this Vasilisa appears in the third hypostasis: she "turned into a white swan and flew out the window." In our opinion, this transformation symbolizes Vasilisa's transition from a psychosomatic level of defense to a psychotic one, which is consistent with the well-known concept of a two-echelon line of defense by A. Mitscherlich. In accordance with this concept, the psychosomatic process develops in the following sequence:

• At the first stage, a person tries to cope with the conflict mainly with the help of psychic means at the psychosocial level (neurotic line of defense):
• using the usual means of social (interpersonal) interaction;
• with the help of protective mechanisms and copping strategies;
• through neurotic symptoms and neurotic personality development.
• In the case when the first (neurotic) line of defense does not work and the person cannot cope with only mental means, the defense of the second echelon is connected - somatization (psychosomatic line of defense).
• The third line of defense, which was introduced by modern psychoanalysts (O. Kernberg), is actualized when the second (psychosomatic line of defense) does not work or is destroyed. The defense of the third echelon is psychotic symptom formation.

It is the psychotic reaction of Vasilisa, in our opinion, that in the fairy tale is symbolized by the "departure" of the white swan. The bird is not "grounded", it is in contact with a different reality than a person and even a frog. The destruction of the second echelon of defense complicates the tasks of the therapist: now he, like Ivan, needs to “wear out three pairs of iron boots”, “gnaw three iron loaves” … real psychotherapeutic situations lead to a psychotic breakdown of the client or to the appearance of another, more serious symptom.

Therapy as restoration of the whole self

It is fair to say that psychological incest does not always lead to such traumatic consequences. Determination of any disorder by a number of environmental and intrapersonal factors determines many options for responding to the same situation. In therapy, we can meet both with successfully "utilized" due to the action of mature defense mechanisms of traumatic experience of clients, and with psychosomatization, with multiple personality disorder and even with psychotic manifestations.

The type of clients who asked for help, described by us on the basis of the above fairy tale, has the most pronounced psychosomatic symptom: pain, bodily changes, dysfunction of the body, etc. In a fairy tale situation, such a symptom is the appearance of Vasilisa the Beautiful, appearing in the form of a frog. It is the symptom, performing the signal function, that is the most striking marker of personality disorder. However, many therapists ignore the fact that a symptom is also a marker of systemic distress. If we focus our attention only on a symptom or symptomatic manifestations, we neglect the causes and conditions of their occurrence, as well as the functions that they perform for a given client.

Arising in a certain relationship, a symptom is a converted, transformed form of contact. This phenomenon is especially characteristic of broken parent-child relationships, where both the child's love for the adult and the dramatic story of their relationship, full of anger, guilt, resentment, shame, neediness … not receiving confirmation of her erotic attractiveness and significance, she finds herself "in a swamp". But the first thing that catches your eye is not Vasilisa's experiences, not her behavior, but precisely the symptom expressed in the fairy tale through the image of a disgusting frog.

In therapy, the client's symptom is usually at the forefront of the initial encounter. Experiences, feelings do not appear, they "freeze" in the symptom. At the same time, the special art of the therapist is to recognize the language of the symptom, to understand what the symptomatic manifestation signals, and to find an adequate verbal form for it, to "decipher" his message, to give an opportunity to manifest the feelings frozen in the symptom.

Let's go back to the fairy tale again. The first independent action of Ivan Tsarevich, infantile and thoughtless, is a quick attack on a symptom, after which the frog was left without a symptom skin, vulnerable, open and re-injured. Since the symptom performs the function of contact, its rapid destruction leads to the impossibility of contact - with the therapist, past experience, significant object … This can lead to the destruction of psychosomatic defense and to the emergence of psychotic defense. Its actualization leads to immersion in traumatic experiences at a time when the client still does not have enough resources to re-live and process them. In the analyzed tale, Vasilisa in fact “runs away from her husband,” returning to her father and to her former incestuous relationship. It is obvious that now in order to "cure" the heroine, much more effort is needed.

A symptom, as we have noted, is a marker of a broken relationship with a significant object. Behind each symptom is always the real Other and the experience of a failed relationship with him. More often than not, this Other is someone from the circle of people referent for the client. Working with a symptom involves its inclusion in a broader context - the context of interpersonal relationships in which it arose. Further development is aimed at clarifying and transforming the relationship with the object that participated in the formation of the symptom: "You did not put it on, it was not for you to take it off!" … In psychotherapy, there are various ways to "meet" the client and work out relationships with such a significant Other: working with an empty chair, using symbolic objects-substitutes, monodrama, psychodrama, imagination … The task of the therapist at this stage is to actualize the previous traumatic experience and give it new meaning, placement in a different context based on the principle of environmental friendliness of what is happening for the client.

Ivan's first attempts as a psychotherapist turned out, as we have already noted, inadequate, unprofessional and non-ecological for Vasilisa. This is a natural outcome in therapy, where the specialist aims to quickly "get rid" of the symptom. The symptom originated in a specific relationship, and its transformation can only occur in a relationship, for example, with a therapist or with a supportive loved one who is sensitive and understanding. In a therapist-client relationship, it is not always possible to avoid mistakes due to good intentions. The emergence of more and more techniques, techniques, technologies of psychotherapy, aimed at a quick effect and "healing", often creates the illusion of ease of work with a symptom by a specialist. After being fascinated and taking an active-aggressive action to "eliminate" the symptom, the therapist often faces a worsening of the client's condition. In such a situation, it is important to realize your mistakes and return to the point from which the work began. The growing up of the client in a therapeutic relationship is a process accompanied by crises at “transition points”. These changes are often based on a paradox: it is the acceptance of the Other as he is, and not an attack on his “shortcomings” that is the condition for his change [Beisser]. An illustration is Ivan's behavior, which proved to be devastating to his wife. Not accepting what is, he tries to change Vasilisa by burning the frog skin, which leads to sad consequences. However, the realization of mistakes led to the fact that further actions of Ivan Tsarevich to save his wife from Koshchei's captivity turned out to be effective, although not simple. This is to be expected in the “non-fairytale” psychotherapeutic situation of working with a symptom.

The tests that arose in the tale create conditions for Ivan's psychological maturation. He commits the first truly adult, male act - he goes to save his woman. “Ivan Tsarevich was sunbathing. He dressed up, took a bow and arrows, put on iron boots, put three iron loaves in his back bag and went to look for his wife, Vasilisa the Wise. To do this, he had to spend a lot of time and effort and resort to support from others. There are assistants in the tale, without whom it would have been difficult for Ivan Tsarevich himself to cope with this task. Therapists can also be seen as symbolic internal objects of the therapist that he needs to meet in order to be nourished by their power.

The most interesting in this context, in our opinion, is Ivan's meeting with the elder. The elder symbolizes the inner wise part of Ivan, the appeal to which helps him to free himself from the codependent relationship with his father and "snatch from his father's hands" his wife Vasilisa. It is the inner wisdom that is what the psychotherapist needs for complex and delicate work, both with a psychosomatic symptom and with the consequences of sexual abuse. Only by gaining the ability to become a parent to himself can the therapist support the release of the client from the captivity of parental trauma and introjects.

Let's note one more aspect of the tale, which contains an example of growing up, an example of how a man becomes a man. It shows the mechanism of the normal (independent) way of acquiring male identity: through the performance of feats, through the possibility of finding a wise father in oneself … If this does not happen, then there are two options - either to remain dependent on your real father, or to continue the struggle with him, which characterizes the counter-dependent outcome. In the fairy tale, Ivan chooses the third option - he directs all his energy not to clarify relations with his father, but to his symbolic rival - the father of his wife Vasilisa.

This task is not simple - the authority of the wife's father is enormous: “For a long time he made his way through the dense forests, in the swamps of the swamp elm and finally came to the Koscheev oak. That oak stands, its top rests against the clouds, spread its roots for a hundred versts in the ground, covered the red sun with branches”. The powerful, huge, overwhelming father does not necessarily exist in reality, but rather on a symbolic level. Thus, in a fairy tale, Ivan Tsarevich has to fight not only and not so much with a real external object (the wife's father), but with her ideal internal image of a father. Psychological incest forms an intricately intertwined codependent relationship between father and daughter. And here a man has to face a difficult task - to win the competition from his wife's father. To kill Koshchei the Immortal for a man means to kill or replace, and ideally surpass, the image of a father in a girl's heart. Otherwise, she is in danger, and remain "married" to her father, and he - to be a secondary man in her life.

If a man manages to wrest his wife out of the power of her father, then he has a real chance to become for her a truly close person and a “full-fledged” husband. To do this, he often has to perform many different "feats" aimed at her "getting out" from the captivity of the previous relationship with minimal losses, the formation of a willingness to see other men and a conscious choice of him (and sometimes another) as a suitable partner. If a man manages to free a woman from his father's captivity, she has the energy and resources to build relationships with him on a different, more mature level: "Ivan Tsarevich, you managed to find me, now I will be yours for the whole century!"Such words are evidence of a woman's readiness to invest in relationships without escaping into previous destructive contacts, into psychosis, into psychosomatization and other unproductive ways of organizing her life.

For a woman, the analyzed situation is also not easy. She needs to be "enchanted" by her future husband, his male actions (in the fairy tale, these are the exploits of Ivan), and also commit a symbolic betrayal of her father. Only such an outcome of events contributes to the restoration of her integrity, "liberation" of her as a woman, a meeting with her female identity and opens up an opportunity for new contacts and meetings with other men.

In a therapeutic context, this means the actualization of the therapist's wisdom, a leisurely journey into the history of the psychosomatic client, identifying the “addressee” of the symptom, building contact with him at the symbolic level in order to become aware of the feelings and needs blocked in these relationships. Such a story can be dramatic, complex and confusing, full of pain, shame, disgust, love and hate. The therapist's task is to carefully and carefully guide the client through the history of his transformations, through “swampy swamps”, through “dense forests”, to greater inner freedom and harmony. Refusal from a direct attack on a symptom implies long-term work with a detailed analysis, both of the various contexts of the client's relationship, and his ways of building contact. A good solution for the client would be to build a new narrative, a new story of his life, a new attitude of the client to the symptom, to the Other and to himself as a unique, different person.

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