2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Adolescence: the fifth scarlet rung
Self-Destruction or Finding Yourself? This question is exhausting for parents observing adolescent behavior.
To answer this question, let us turn to 8 age normative crises. The crisis has two poles: negative and positive. As a result of overcoming the crisis, the quality of the personality is being developed. If the crisis is passed along the negative pole, the quality will be the same. And if on the positive - otherwise.
Adolescence is the fifth crisis. Before him there were 4 who, like the foundation of the building, laid the foundations of the Personality.
If the child has 4 crises that preceded adolescence, passed in a positive way. The inclinations or qualities will be formed: - Trust in the world, - Hope, - Autonomy, - Initiative, - Competence, - Self-worth, - Diligence. This is an excellent foundation for "building" the Personality of the child. By the end of adolescence, such a child will have a clear, not blurry Identity. A child going through age crises in the positive pole is not a good boy. He protests, insists, rude to his parents, who are rapidly losing credibility in his eyes. But take the path of self-destruction. Why would he? He loves himself, respects, appreciates.
Now, if the child's first 4 crises are passed in a negative way. And the qualities are formed: - Distrust of the world, - Emotional Dependency, - Toxic Self-Shame, - Toxic Guilt, - Inferiority Complex, - Self-worthlessness, - Perfectionism. This is a shaky foundation for the growing personality of the child. Such a teenager has a high probability of self-destructive tendencies and falling under the influence.
What path of development is your child following?
Teenager: going out into the world
It is important to bring the teenager into adulthood. The girl is in the female world, and the boy is in the male. Age challenge: the formation of a sex-role identity. This initiation belongs to authority figures who become role models for the maturing person. Often it is dad, mom. However, there are other faces that the teenager admires and who he wants to be like.
Male initiation takes place in a group - the future man is tested for opportunities. For male initiation, male emotionality is needed (shouting, yelling). If a mother takes a boy out into the male world, he will become an "eternal son." This happens because the mother was not a boy, boyfriend, man and not a carrier of a Masculine Personality. Accordingly, he is not able to convey his male identity to his son. Not mom, but dad helps the growing son to master the male social-role identity and "brings" the young man into the male world.
Feminine initiation takes place individually.
If dad takes the girl out into the women's world, then the girl will grow up "Lolita" - "the eternal daddy's daughter." This will slow down psychological development and lead to confusion in the sense of oneself.
Who brings your child out into the world?
Teens: grouping in a flock
A child from the narrow world of the family walks into a stormy stream of adolescents.
In the company of teenagers:
1. Find and master their own Identity;
2. Increase distance with parents;
3. Feel belonging.
In a group, the child tries adult forms of behavior - to build relationships; drink; smoke. Adult forms cannot be applied anywhere else, since if there is an adult nearby, the responsibility is on him.
The adolescent gains experience of equal peer relationships as opposed to vertical relationships with parents.
Experience of power, subordination, cooperation, competition is gained.
Social competence is being developed - the ability to establish emotionally significant relationships, maintain and complete.
Parents are afraid that the child will fall into bad company. However, if the child has passed the normative age crises in a positive way, there is a high probability of falling into a normal teenage get-together.
If you have a girl, and in the company of guys much older + alcohol, early sex is possible. It is important to talk to your daughter like an adult and to explain the consequences of the behavior.
It seems to adolescents that the bad will be bypassed, because life experience is small. Start a conversation: “Daughter, if you start having sex, maybe the guy will disappear and you will feel used. Girls at this age want romance, while boys have hormones and only need sex."
Perhaps the daughter will not hear. However, if faced with such a situation, he will remember these words.
Breaking through the armor of adolescence is difficult. However, if the child is in danger, you will find the words to reach out and protect.
You have a strong interest in adolescence. What does this affect in your life?
The teenage world of passion
In adolescence, the emotional sphere develops rapidly. Emotional control is reduced. Guys are not able to fully control feelings, which sometimes turn into affect. This is the age norm.
Affect - lat. "Affectus" - passion, emotional excitement. This is an explosive, short-lived and intense emotional process. With affect, emotion is larger than a person and overwhelms him.
A teenager lives in a world of numerous passions: spitefulness that blows away the "roof" or a sharp love or hatred of cosmic proportions.
The teenager is overwhelmed by powerful experiences previously unknown. The task of age is to learn how to manage strong feelings.
Teenagers often fall in love. At this age, fantasy prevails. Hence, the pursuit of romance. Little experience. Reality is not noticed or tested. Desired is passed off as real.
There is a lot of drive and bummer in a romantic project. The teenager gets burned and goes inside himself. Growing up gradually takes place.
Are you concerned about the difficult age of your child?
Teenage experimentation
The task of the age is to find oneself. Unconsciously, a teenager is looking for answers to the questions: Who am I? What am I? Who and what suits me? And what is destructive for me? This is a serious process in which there is a lot of doubt and uncertainty.
To find answers to difficult questions, a teenager experiments a lot and often. By the end of adolescence, a lot of self-images accumulate, which connect with each other in a bizarre form. Which often shocks others.
For some, adolescence is quiet and smooth. However, it is better when this crisis age is noisy. When a teenager protests and rejects imposed cliches and standards, he begins to understand himself better. Adolescence is a stormy process, so let it gush.
Figuratively, at the age of 12, a child enters a "shopping center". He sees they carried the "yellow blouse" - he also needs a "yellow blouse". And whether it is suitable in color, size, style does not matter.
The teenager's task is to leave the “store” in what suits him: what is interesting is a value, with the awareness: this is mine and distinguishes me from other people.
They talk about Confusion of Identity, if a young person does not know: who to be, what he wants, with whom to be friends, who is suitable. If in these matters a person relies on the environment, he has not found himself.
Have you found yourself?
Teenage depreciation
The teenager experiences the power of his own mental abilities on a loving and devoted parent. The more reliable the parent, the stronger the "blow". The father or mother is faced with the child's baseless claims, neglect and aggression.
A teenager hones the ability to communicate with people on a reliable parent. For example, learns to place negative emotions such as resentment, resentment, rage and hatred in contact. After all, a loving parent will understand and forgive.
In addition, the task of adolescence is to separate from parents.
For example, as a child, the boy had a close psychological connection with his mother - he trusted, shared intimate secrets. How can a son separate from such an angelic mother? So unfounded claims to the mother sound, in the truth of which the maturing child piously believes. This is an unconscious process, but it is easier for a child to separate.
And move forward towards the next task: the search for Myself.
Growing up is not far off, which will require realizing the newfound Identity and building your own life.
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