2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The baby is warm, gentle, affectionate, with long soft swirls, goes into oblivion. And he will never return. There will never be children's blouses, soft platisha, warm tights with muzzles on the knees. Little trusting palms … The hand is already like that of a mother, and the size of the foot is appropriate … And the height is already from an adult.
Let not foldable, like a grown chicken. Such a chick is a teenager. But already irrevocably - "not a child."
And it hurts, it hurts unbearably inside. As if someone was pulling, mercilessly pulling out the umbilical cord connecting with the baby.
"Baby, baby … where are you?.."
And the baby is gone. There is no "child".
The experience is akin to the loss of a child. It hurts, hard, excruciating.
And in order not to experience this mental pain, you can unconsciously not notice and not support the growing up of your son or daughter.
Because growing up is the irrecoverable loss of a child. Now, just let me dye and cut my hair, go to my dad for the summer, go with a girlfriend to some incomprehensible dances, go to a camp or quit courses - and all the child is gone!
There was only something subtle-perceptible left … A turn of the head, as the muzzle curves, or frightened eyes, a thin palm, and long fluffy hair. And let me cut my hair - that's all! There is a girl nearby. Or instead of an affectionate son, some kind of "hmyr" with a bobbed head and all in tattoos. Where is my child? Where?!!
Time passes, it cannot be stopped, but the mind sometimes refuses when it comes to maternal feelings. About the need to accept the obvious - my child has grown up, I cannot leave him growing up, I can only cripple him, like gardeners mutilate a tree, wanting to leave him small forever. Trimming the leaves one by one, breaking off the branches, putting on a jar or a cunning shape. So that the tree does not develop, does not grow upward, does not spread wide, but moves only where the hand of the creator directed it. And most importantly, it remained small forever.
If the parents do not support the growing up of the child, his individualization, then the child's mental development from that moment slows down, or stops altogether.
The child develops intellectually, but not mentally. He has no way to "hatch" from the mother-parent egg. He remains in the soul of this underdeveloped chicken in the body of an adult. Infantile baby in the body of an adult.
Not even that.
If his fear of disappointing his mother is stronger than his desire for independence, for finding himself, for self-expression and individualization, the child stops developing
In order not to lose my mother. To stay by her side. For mom to recognize him.
Mother's manipulations can be sophisticated, in not letting go, not tearing away, not allowing to be separate, somehow different.
It is very important for a child to look for a form of himself during adolescence. Therefore, clothes of incredible styles and hair color and hairstyle. The growing up person tries to express himself through clothes, music, hobbies.
This search for oneself is very important.
The mother can be loyal to such tricks and experiments on her appearance, but at the same time she holds tightly by the throat and does not let go of the leash.
As long as I am a “mother of a child”, I am a “young woman with a child”.
Having a child is a confirmation of youth, femininity.
Once I heard from the head of the department, a woman in her fifties - "I have another child to take!" "Where?" - I was surprised. I have one association - "from kindergarten." “My child is 26 years old,” she said with a satisfied smile. Shocking. Don't take your daughter away. Child …
If I am the mother of a young girl, God forbid, the mother of a grown woman, then who am I? Old woman…
It's good if the "older woman".
When I and she can be women. She is young and I am mature. She is mature and I am old. Fearfully?…
Especially in the light of fashion trends - at 45 to look 30, at 60 to 45.
Then how old is your daughter? Are they the same age with mom?
fearfully.the older my child is, the older I am. the more inevitable is the recognition of my own age
The closer I am to aging. Closer to fading and death.
No, this will not happen! I'll be forever young!
To do this, you need not only to keep yourself in eternal tone, but also to keep the children small, young, foolish.
As a last resort, flaunt that I look no worse than my daughter! That we are easily confused! We are both young and beautiful! I am the same as my daughter. I am she!
The child's loyalty to the parent is great. In order not to lose his mother, the child is ready to give up his claims to individuality, from the search for himself, from the birth of adulthood in himself. I am ready to give up myself. If only my mother did not refuse him. If only she didn’t throw cold on her contemptuous disappointment. If only she continued to learn …
It is difficult to recognize a teenager in a child. It's hard to see a maturing, young personality in the old baby. It is painful to part with your unconscious hope for eternal youth and eternal childhood for your child.
But you can.
Everything has its time. And it is very important to see, be aware and accept the passage of time. Accept your age. And let the young talent bloom, blossom, scent, turn into a beautiful girl or son - into a strong, strong guy, independent, adult man.
At the same time, realizing that motherhood is forever. A mother does not stop being a mother when the children grow up. She becomes the mother of adults. It's amazing to be a mother of adults, independent people with whom you can consult, who are definitely smarter in some way, somewhere stronger. And to see in them parts of yourself. An extension of yourself.
Youth cannot last forever. But we can remain in our children and grandchildren, in our great-grandchildren and in their children.
We cannot force our children to follow the path that we have chosen - no, we can, but this will severely cripple them, we will not allow them to go their own way, we will not even allow this path to be born - it is better if we support them in growing up, in finding their own path, in search of their own form and at the same time will not give up on them.
Since separation is an opportunity not only to be separate, but also not to lose a relationship
"I can be there for you." Isn't that happiness?
“I don’t have to try to be someone else to be close to you.”
You can be who you are, and you still remain my son.
You can be whatever you want, you can search for yourself and find, and you will still remain my daughter.
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