2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Adults often do not notice what words are said to their children under the influence of emotions. Nevertheless, every phrase thrown in the heat is deposited in the child's head, forming a stable concept of his own significance, the attitude of mom and dad to his existence, his role in the family and social life.
Parental messages are attitudes that act on a subconscious level. We learn them from childhood, and they can significantly affect our lives. Many of them are extremely dangerous, because over time they develop into complexes that prevent them from fully living and developing.
Guilt for the birth
Such messages look something like this: "If I had not given birth to you, I would have become a star", "If not for you, I could have made a great career."
After mother's words, the baby thinks in his head: "It would be better if I weren't there." Most often, this leads to the formation of a personality with a constant sense of guilt - guilt for one's existence in this world.
And this is scary, because in adulthood, this complex prevents a person from feeling like a full-fledged member of society, building a career and family life. People who have absorbed such messages are easy to manipulate, they are often used for their own purposes, which are not always noble and fit into the framework of the law.
Self-denial.
Parents instill in their children that they should be “someone else”. The classic situation is when parents want a boy and a girl is born.
The child is constantly reminded of this, pointing out with whom to be friends, how to dress, what hobbies to choose, what to read, in an obsessive manner. As a result, the baby realizes that he must be someone else, because being himself is bad.
Installation fails
"You will not achieve anything", "Here is a neighbor's son, well done, and you are a loser," etc.… Such messages form a constant feeling of insecurity in the baby, which gradually develops into apathy and fear of new discoveries and beginnings. The result of such attitudes is children with low self-esteem, unable to make decisions and achieve goals. In adulthood, such a person is most often indifferent to career growth, he lacks ambition and business acumen.
Passivity attitude.
Dangerous messages involve justifying passivity. One example is the explanation of a child's failure by force majeure circumstances. For example, a boy lost in a competition because the winner paid money or his mother is a director, etc. As a result, a person grows with the knowledge that victory can only be achieved by a miracle, without learning or making efforts to achieve success. The result of this in adulthood is the classic loser in ordinary positions who is convinced that a career can only be built with the support of a high-ranking relative. There is disbelief in one's own strength, and apathy, and unfounded resentment, and envy of more successful friends and relatives.
What is important in education
In a relationship with a child, trust in each other and maximum patience are important. You shouldn't give in to emotions, but you shouldn't take the passive side either. The task of the parents is not to develop complexes in the baby, but to correct and direct his energy in the right direction.
In early childhood, information is assimilated in full: the child, like a sponge, absorbs parental attitudes, shaping character and determining its importance, first on the scale of the family, and then in society
If you have found similar settings, then they need to be adjusted. It is sometimes difficult to do it yourself. Psychological help can help change your life.)
Author: Julia Talantseva
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