2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In general, the relationship scenario and self-defense strategy have their roots in early childhood. Usually we simply don’t remember this experience. In addition, all subsequent similar situations that evoke the same sensations and emotions further reinforce this strategy.
The defenses, as a rule, are triggered the moment a situation arises, which, according to sensations, is related to experience and signals impending pain. And this happens on a subconscious level.
For example, in developing relationships with a man, when a woman feels that he is ready to be with her, and she is afraid of intimacy, then unconsciously begins to look for flaws, find fault with trifles and see what is not in his behavior. And also begins to endow the partner with qualities that are completely unusual for him. But for her, this inner reality seems to be real sensations. And without realizing it, she can attack her partner. Accordingly, in response, the partner begins to close or defend himself. For him, this behavior may be associated with parental aggression in childhood.
How can a person defend himself against uncomfortable communication?
- Looks away, avoids looking into the eyes of his interlocutor
- Closes from others using closed poses (crosses his legs or arms over his chest), trying to defend himself
- Makes a distant or bored facial expression when an unpleasant or painful topic of conversation
- Turns to the interlocutor sideways, and the legs are directed towards the exit, when communication becomes unbearable for him
And then the woman wonders why the partner is withdrawing from the conversation with her. And the attempt to prevent further rapprochement does not end with unconscious gestures. After all, the more a woman likes a man, the more she is afraid of intimacy and more and more tries to show him her indifference.
- Begins to talk about a man in a negative way, to discuss his shortcomings with others, thereby convincing himself that he should not be trusted, that he does not suit her and they still will not succeed
- Causes a partner to conflict with rapprochement, both physical and spiritual, discouraging the desire to get closer
- Tries to break the harmony in the relationship, either exaggerating his feelings, or downplaying them.
And often a woman, being afraid to trust a man, begins to turn on self-defense, thereby pushing him away from herself, not noticing it at all. And after that he genuinely wonders what the matter is and why he stopped striving to communicate with her.
Duck, from what and why is the protection included?
After all, every person wants intimacy and warmth, wants to love and be loved. But when the opportunity arises to have this intimacy, not everyone is ready to accept it. Because it is scary to face pain and this fear is stronger than the desire for closeness, warmth and love.
It is important not to repress or hide the pain, but, on the contrary, to make it visible and understandable, to bring it out. And work with a psychologist can help with this
What methods of self-defense do you use? Share in the comments!
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