The Husband Lost Interest In His Wife

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Almost every day, working on situations related to husbands' betrayal and their departure from the family, I never cease to be amazed at the inattention of women to the topic of family intimacy. Moreover, in this case, it is not at all about erotic delights, not about the fact that the wife does not please her husband in bed, but about intimacy in general. The fact is that I very often observe married couples, where, before the wife found out about the husband's existence of a mistress, there was no sex for six months, or even a year or two, and the wife herself is not able to intelligibly explain why it didn't bother her. Especially in a situation of complete financial dependence on her husband and the presence of minor children! Moreover, we are not talking at all about pairs of deeply retired people, but about couples where the spouses are from 25 to 45 years old, that is, where men and women are in the most active phase of their life activity.

The wives usually tell me:

- “Well, something like that … There were a lot of household chores, chores because of the children. At first, sex was twice a week, then once a week, then once a month, then once every few months … I somehow did not even notice how he was gone at all, and did not attach this importance. Moreover, after the birth of children, this area somehow became of little interest to me. There is no sex, and it's good, I care less …"

“I myself had needs, I even hinted to my husband that all this worries me, but he just joked or kept silent. I thought that he was either sick like a man with some kind of prostatitis, but I do not understand this. Or he has just matured and he needs less of this … Well, no, yes, okay …"

- “I had health problems (in gynecology, pressure, headaches, etc.), I myself avoided sex in the family, and it seemed to me that my husband understood that it’s better not to come to me with this yet, here he stopped. Later we somehow got used to the fact that there is no sex, and there were no questions …"

- “We had a fight somehow … It seems to be strong, but now I don't even remember why. There was no sex for a long time because of my resentment, and my husband no longer pestered me with this question. Somehow months passed, and now sex did not come back to us. Although the relationship has become very good, respectful, even warm. Just already without sex. I don't mind, because the children are already big, I was shy, it was uncomfortable for me … So the problem disappeared by itself …"

“For all the years of marriage, I myself have not shown the initiative for sex … Maybe I brought up this way or I don’t know why … Therefore, when he stopped bothering me, I just didn’t know what to do. I won't bother myself … That's how everything in our family ended with this."

- “My husband pestered me less and less. I raised this issue, even swore, but it was all to no avail. I explained everything to his problems at work. He's like he's depressed and doesn't need anything like that. I even felt sorry for him … And then another man turned up at my work, they became lovers with him purely for health, like this, the need for sex with my husband disappeared altogether … And I did not think that he needed something there until he said, that he has had a mistress for a year and he is leaving for her ….

What do you want to say to all this? Everything is described in the fable "A dog in the manger: I myself will not give it to others!" I always say to respected wives: “If you yourself do not have intimate needs and you are only glad that your husband has stopped hinting at you about sex, your husband has grown cold, and you yourself have never shown the initiative for intimacy in the family, so do not be sad about the departure of your husband to another! To the one who needs your husband with his intimate needs and money more. After all, this is quite logical: if you do not need some thing, but it is in plain sight, there is nothing surprising in the fact that someone will quietly appropriate it …"

But, seriously speaking, it is important for wives to know and remember the following:

First. A man who does not have serious illnesses remains highly sexually active until at least 50 years of age. If he takes care of himself, he will be interested in sex even at 55-60 years old.

Real impotence is practically not found in our time.

Usually, she is a way to hide the appearance of a mistress.

or express resentment towards his wife.

Second. Chronic prostatitis or depression can reduce sexual activity in men, but they do not turn it off completely. Moreover, nowadays, both prostatitis and depression are treated with understandable drugs and quite effectively. Even a low spermogram level, which indicates a man's problems in conceiving children, does not at all mean a decrease in his sexual needs. Children may not be, and the need for sex remains great.

Third. If you are in doubt about whether your husband needs sex, think back to the beginning of your family history. The sexual constitution of men is usually constant, that is, it exhibits enviable stability. And if your husband was sexually active at the age of 20-25, do not even hesitate: at 40 and 50 years old he really needs sex. Even if not as in his youth, but still he is not going to live without him! Even if he is not in your pair.

If, even at the age of 20-25, he was interested in sex once a month, then his needs at 40-45 will not be very high. But all the same he will have them! And it may well be that it was you, with your extreme modesty or aggressive suppression of the male sexual "Ego", that made the husband begin to hide his potential, and as a result, the husband lost interest in you, but some girl from her husband's work would gladly reveal him.

Fourth. The average norm of the need for men in the period of their 20-30 years is four to five intimate contacts per week (for someone, and twice a day). In 30-40 years - three intimate contacts a week. At 40-50 years old - at least two contacts per week. And this level of need can persist up to sixty. If a man's level of need has always been higher than these average indicators, then at any age it will still be higher, so the husband himself did not lose interest in sex.

Fifth. If your husband clearly showed interest not just in family sex, but in very good and varied, up to creative experiments, if he demanded a slender figure from you, then such a husband will definitely have a high need for sex up to sixty years. And already at 40-45 years old, he will continue to mentally undress all the beautiful girls on whom his gaze will fall, so if the husband has cooled off with requests to you, then he has not lost interest in other girls.

Sixth. If you do not have children under the age of one year and all family members are healthy, and your family has no intimate relationships for more than a month, it's time to sound the alarm!

Seventh. If, with a quite cheerful spouse, intimate relationships are absent for more than three months, with a probability of 90% he has a mistress! There are exceptions, but rarely: the husband is addicted to pornography and solves his intimate problems manually; the husband has a difficult financial situation and without money he feels almost impotent; the husband is very offended at you, etc.

If you do not want to create greenhouse conditions for the appearance of a mistress, I strongly advise you to know and take these data into account in your family life.

If you ask why the husband himself begins to shy away from fulfilling his marital duty when he does not yet have a mistress, then there may be many reasons. They are described and analyzed in detail in such my books as "Quarrels over sex" and "Sex with a man". I recommend that you familiarize yourself with it. In short, these are:

- The husband "on the side" contracted a venereal disease, is being treated, he needs time. So he pulls it.

- The husband just got tired of begging his wife who often avoids intimacy, and he himself began to solve his intimate problems. Fortunately, the boy is already fully grown.

- The husband is tired of demanding an intimate variety from a notorious wife. And he decided: if you don't want to give me the kinds of sex that I ask, there will be no more classics in the family. And I'll look for someone on my side.

- The husband is annoyed by the extra weight of his wife and her not appetizing figure.

- The husband is annoyed by the scandalous nature of his wife: swearing and pressure do not cause erotic fantasies.

- The husband realized or decided that the priority for his wife is the child (children), not the husband, quietly resigned himself to this and stopped bothering a good mother with nonsense.

- The wife has outgrown her husband so socially (in terms of position and salary) that her husband simply began to be afraid of her.

- The husband sees that his wife is often sick and decided not to cause her inconvenience with his harassment.

- The husband assumes that his wife is cheating on him, but does not admit it, and therefore he himself decided to give up intimate life with her.

- The husband was so offended by his wife (for example, by criticizing him in bed) or her relatives that he decided to take revenge on her with a months-long "sexual strike".

- Husband and wife have lost their common goals and interests in life so much that in bed they had nothing to talk about. Meanwhile:

If there is no communication in bed, or it takes place in a mode

planning meetings about children, money and everyday life, then there will be no sex.

Before people get to orgasm, they need to talk.

Orgasm itself is possible only where people are interested in each other

friend and therefore communicate comfortably.

All these reasons, one way or another, create the prerequisites for the appearance of mistresses.

Mistresses always come where the spouses are silent.

In any case, I strongly advise you to know and remember:

Disappearance of regular intimate life in the family

almost always leads to the disappearance of the family itself.

Therefore, in the case of fading intimacy in your family, do not be fooled by the fact that “the husband has grown cold to sex, has matured and aged, he does not need”, “our relationship will be platonic, but people live like that”, etc. Urgently analyze the reasons for cooling your couple, correct your behavior and restore family sex. Otherwise, you will be outstripped by some enterprising person who voluntarily and selflessly will take the hit of your husband's libido on herself. For the money of your spouse, saving you first from the hassle associated with family sex, and then from the hassle associated with the husband himself.