2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you internally believe that such a strategy is the best and even advise it to others (they say, come on, be good!), Then urgently read everything that will be written below.
After all, right now and all these minutes and years that you have lived, you have been destroying your life and your relationships with people with this attitude. Or maybe they've already destroyed it.
What is "goody"? Some person who is comfortable with others. Which, of course, is "good" for others. And who, naturally, is afraid of being "bad." Because once in his life experience (with his parents, grandparents), he clearly learned: if you are comfortable, they will love. You will be yourself - they will reject, condemn, shame and rape in every way.
This attitude is hidden in the subconscious and guides an adult as a gray cardinal - an official king.
The fact is that you can never trample against yourself. Even if you really want to and have taught. This "good girl" is trying with all his might, trying to … satisfy the needs of others and ignore his own. But the body, a wise thing, will not tolerate for a long time. And at some point the "good girl" feels that he is fed up with this whole life. And the people are kind of strange … and somehow it doesn’t make me happy. And he begins to unconsciously show his other side - that is, himself, the present (already hungry, angry and angry enough for all the time that he endured). In general, "not good." For example, he is late for meetings, does not fulfill his promises, in every possible way dodges the responsibility that he himself burdened (and which he himself did not want to take, but could not admit it - neither to himself nor to others). He does what he himself considers “bad”, but (paradox!) He himself cannot not do this either. Because he is, nevertheless, an ordinary person with his own personal needs, and not any "good", as he (or someone - to him) hammered into his head.
And life begins to collapse slowly. At first, imperceptibly, somehow, and people seem to forgive him for those same "mistakes" (one, second, third, tenth time). Yes, and he tries in every possible way to drive himself into a "good" and scolds very much that he "moved out" again, again he is "selfish" and "did the wrong thing."
But all this is only for a while and the process turns out to be cyclical, everything is repeated and repeated again.
Because a person cannot live long and easily not for himself and do not what he wants. It can, of course, in a relationship "move" for the sake of another - but to do it consciously and if you are really ready for it and there is a resource. And if he does not have the resource himself, has nothing to share (or simply does not want to!), Then he cannot force himself (or rather, maybe, but he will act out the described scenario).
It turns out self-deception. And deceiving others. Which, unfortunately, brings suffering - to all participants in the relationship.
Therefore, it is categorically contraindicated to be a good girl in a relationship
In a relationship, you need to be honest with yourself. “I want it. This is - I can. This - I do not want, but this - I cannot, for this - I am ready, but I am not ready for this now. That's all. And yes, it's a risk! Risk of being rejected! The risk that with you this, someone may not want to communicate or have any business! But someone - will want! And someone will like you. And someone - will accept these your real boundaries.
After all, you are already an adult. And this world no longer consists of selfish mothers and fathers who did not notice you then, in childhood, and on whom you had to completely depend.
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