How We Kill Men

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Remember the phrase of the heroine Vera Alentova from the movie “Moscow Doesn't Believe in Tears”: “Where are they men? All to hell have degenerated! . It is very sad that such phrases are heard quite often. Why is this happening? What leads to the fact that men, in the female sense, degenerate?

At my seminars, after women's complaints against men, I ask you to answer one question, this question is difficult, but an honest answer to it can change everything. If you are not satisfied with something, ask yourself: "How do I create this?" I understand that perhaps a thought flashed through your head now: “And what have I got to do with it ?! These men are not like that now! " The indignation is accepted, but I propose to investigate the causal relationships of how we “kill” men in men with our own hands.

Let's look at the most popular female complaints from a new angle, so - we want … and in the meantime …

1. We want men to give flowers and gifts, but in the meantime we are completely unable to accept it

Sveta wants her husband to give flowers and gifts for no reason, but at the very beginning of family life, every time he did it, she arranged for him to question the amount spent, after which she sighed for a while and sawed him for the fact that “this money could be spent for the benefit of the family, and you … . Needless to say, the man's enthusiasm did not last long.

How do you receive gifts? Just for a moment, imagine yourself in the place of your man and honestly answer yourself to the question: does your reaction motivate you to do more pleasant things for you or deprives you of any desire to do it? Do you accept gifts with gratitude and positive emotions, or do you take them for granted?

When a man does something, he expects a positive emotional return from the woman, as a confirmation that he was able to make his beloved woman happy with himself (by his act). At a subconscious level, every man has a need to make his beloved woman happy, and when, instead of a positive response, an act causes a grumbling, he realizes that the task has not been completed, if such a reaction is repeated, the man will conclude that his actions do not cause happiness, but entail grumbling (i.e., the woman has become even more unhappy). Does it make sense to do them?

2. We want men to respect women, and in the meantime, by our actions and words, we demonstrate disrespect for the weaker sex

They often complain to me that men do not respect women and demonstrate this by actions and words. Think, do we respect ourselves and other women? How often do we in a disrespectful manner talk about other women, criticize them, make fun of them, men see it and simply "mirror" our behavior to us.

“I went into the minibus, there were no vacant seats and the man who was sitting next to the woman tried to get up to make way for me, at that moment his companion tugged at his sleeve and said:“Sit down, nothing bad will happen if she stands up” … Marina, 25 years old.

If you want to see masculine respect for women, start respecting the fairer sex yourself.

3. We want men to be attentive and gallant, and in the meantime we block their most insignificant manifestations

Tell me, do you want to be given a place in transport? Opened the door for you? Did you help carry the bags to the car? Now remember your reaction when the men did it - did you gratefully accept help and attention, or did you try to get rid of help faster, refused? If you respond with gratitude, I think that there are more gallant men in your environment, and if your reaction is closer to the second option, do not be surprised why there are practically no such men in your environment.

I remember a case in transport when a man sitting next to me tried to give way to a girl who entered, and she began to refuse and "sat down" him back, after which he turned to me and said: "How are you girls, to be attentive if you don't you accept it? " And he was right! I think that a couple of such reactions to an attempt to give a girl a seat will "beat off" any desire to even try to do it. Why, she still leaves at the next stop?

4. We want help in everyday life, while we ourselves criticize for the slightest mistake

“Once I asked my husband to wash the dishes, so he did it so badly that I began to wash with him! Mine, I'm angry with him and tell him how to do it right, but do you know what he did? He looked at me, didn't say a word, turned around and left! Now he does not help in anything at all, he says: "You yourself will do everything better." His pride, you see, is hurt! " Vita, 27 years old.

Agree, when we help in something, then each of us would be pleased to hear words of gratitude, but for some reason, we do not consider it necessary to say "thank you" in response to men's actions, but we do not forget to criticize and teach. What if he does the wrong thing?

Way out: use a simple formula: thank your partner for his help (say thank you, hug, kiss, etc.), then draw his attention to what he did best and add that if next time something else and he will do something differently (tell us how, in your understanding, it is better to do it), then his price will not help. For example: Darling, thank you for vacuuming the palace, it became so clean, come on next time you also vacuum behind the sofa, and then we will have perfect cleanliness in general! Agree, this is better than "nagging" your husband for forgetting to move the sofa.

5. We want them to fulfill our dreams and desires, and in the meantime we do not tell them about our expectations

Marina does not talk about her desires to her beloved, and then she suffers because he did not guess what she wants. All requests of a man to tell him how to make her happy are suppressed by the phrase: “If I tell you that I want flowers, and you give them to me, then I will know that you did it not because you wanted to give them to me, but because I asked, but this is not the same thing!"

For some inexplicable reason, we hope that our partner has psychic abilities and therefore needs to know what we want. But the truth is that if we don't help our loved ones understand our desires, then there will be more disappointments and unfulfilled expectations every day. What to do with these? The answer is here.

6. We want men to love us, take care of us, pamper us, and in the meantime we save on ourselves, engage in self-criticism and, deep down, cherish and cherish doubt that we have something to love for

If you want your man to pamper you, take care of you, then it is important to start pampering, caring and loving yourself. People around us most often treat us the way we treat ourselves. I think that you have noticed that if a woman saves on herself and feels awkward and guilty when she spends money on herself, then her man, no matter how generous he was at the beginning of the relationship, most likely over time will not spend as much on her, either even less.

There is only one way out: learn to accept yourself, your desires, stop "pushing" yourself into the background, but take and love yourself, pamper yourself and take care of yourself, take care and care again, because you are alone!

We have briefly covered the most popular female complaints about men, and I hope that you have realized that much of the behavior of men is a reaction to our female behavior, which means that we have a chance to help men "wake up" and enter the male path. …

When we change, the world around us changes, remember this!

Happiness to you!