2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In life, a person is faced with different situations and events. From the very childhood we begin to accumulate life experience. We acquire knowledge, master skills and abilities, we develop our own internal rules. In adolescence, they are less firm, since the psyche has more flexibility, but the older a person becomes, the more internal rules begin to acquire solidity and invincibility. It is sometimes said about a person: "Here is an example of clear rules and principles." Is it really good and necessary?
To begin with, people often turn their rules into dogma and no event can change their point of view. In some circumstances, such an approach is completely justified and even necessary, but there are many different situations where beliefs, they are the rules, can have a detrimental effect on a person's condition. It's no secret that everyone wants to have fun and avoid pain. Internal rules, in many ways, are formed on the basis of this. If some event or action caused a person trouble (pain), then with a high degree of probability it can be assumed that in the future he will avoid or limit his participation in such situations, and if a person has experienced, on the contrary, positive emotions and experiences, then he will strive to get them again. Everything seems to be simple, understandable and logical. A person divides his surroundings into good (pleasure) and bad (pain). Everything would be really simple, if not for such a thing as time. A factor that affects anyone, to varying degrees, but those who do not deny this cannot be denied. Under his influence, interesting things begin to happen that yesterday was and seemed painful, today there may be events that are quite enjoyable and vice versa. It is extremely difficult for an adult to abandon the rules by which he lived, but not infrequently, events occur that force people to change their rules, and if this does not happen, the person begins to experience pain. Changes in our world are sometimes so rapid that the rigidity of the rules can have a detrimental effect on the inner state of the person himself. There are a great many examples of this in various spheres of life.
From a conversation with a client: “I have worked as a teacher all my life, and now I have to look for clients for myself, for tutoring, and this is selling myself, but I always thought, and my family taught me that trade is something not good. " A woman who taught at a university for a long time had an attitude - the rule "to trade is not good", on this basis it was difficult for her to find clients, despite the fact that she is an excellent specialist in her field of knowledge.
Male client: “I have always believed that a man should make decisions in the family, because he is the head of the family” (the marriage was on the verge of breaking)
What is common in these two examples, people very tightly held on to their rules and did not think that conditions change over time, at the same time, it is necessary to abandon those rules that were previously relevant. What was enjoyable yesterday can be very painful today. Rules-beliefs, if they are already outdated (I do not mean general human principles), can do a disservice both in the present and in the future. If we simulate the situation with a woman as a teacher, without changing her rules, after three years, most likely she will not work in a specialty that she loves and in which she is a professional, because there will be no opportunity. And a man would be threatened with a divorce from his beloved wife if he did not change his beliefs (rules).
You have to admit that sometimes you have to give up certain attitudes in order to continue to interact productively with other people and feel better and more confident. Otherwise, a person can become completely unhappy and his own rules can kill him both literally and figuratively.
Change your internal rules if they don't allow you to achieve what you want. And what will happen to you in 10 years if you don’t change your beliefs that inhibit you, how will you feel? The situation will only get worse. Imagine that there is no such thing as "wrong", there is only your vision of the world around you.
Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.
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