To Finish Off The "unfinished Breast Milk". Or Life With The Motto "Look How I Suffer!"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Finally, I really want to get a feeling of connection with another, acceptance and love, which were so lacking in childhood. And it seems completely real and necessary. And this is natural.

We all really need to be loved, accepted as is, allowed to express ourselves and be happy with us just like that, of course.

It's all about the degree of this need.

What was deficient in childhood often becomes an obsessive need in adolescence and maturity. And it’s impossible to just take it and stop it. Such a statement and effort does nothing. It only drives the suffering even deeper, turning it into an inner monster.

If someone thinks that the painful pursuit of love, recognition, autonomy, and intimacy can simply be “taken and stopped,” that is a naive expectation.

It is the same as by an effort of will to force yourself not to experience hunger anymore. You can pretend that you “forgot about food” and “this is no longer for me,” but this is just another self-deception and suffering driven inside. Any volitional decision will be violence and will result in even more “distorted” suffering. And if not a disease of the soul, then a disease of the body.

To declare an emotionally dependent individual an infantile, obsessive and narcissistic egoist is practically useless. Yes, perhaps this is so, but what will such definitions give to the sufferer? If you find infantile or dependent traits in someone or in yourself, how will this help you? Will it “oppress” you even more? Although in some cases, the indication of this "awakens from sleep", like hitting a Zen master with a stick on the head.

Any labels and accusations here should be removed. But “indulging” the infantilism of someone who has not been a child for a long time is a useless undertaking.

Nothing removes from the emotionally dependent individual his responsibility for what is happening to him right NOW

It is also true that the addict can only impose all the "debts" on his parents. And this is of little use.

Let's face it. Is it possible to return or compensate for your childhood?

“If you didn’t have a bicycle in your childhood, and now you have a Bentley, then in your childhood you still didn’t have a bicycle!”

Childhood is over. And there was probably not much in it. But it WILL NOT be.

There is today. And he will not rid you of your present reality.

You will have to accept the reality of your "now" drop by drop.

Take it as your weakness and my strength.

For, you are alive! And most likely they have achieved a lot. And you are reading this article!

Getting rid of the burden of emotional addiction is not a quick and painful process. At the same time, pain is inevitable, but it is precisely it that you want to avoid so badly, because it resembles all childhood losses and horrors. However, the one who accepts it now is no longer a child and that is how it ceases to be. Mental pain during self-knowledge and self-development should be tolerable, strengthening the inner strength, cleansing, and not incinerating.

If you begin to feel mental pain and you have a psychotherapist, you should talk about this with the therapist. If you are moving alone, keep a diary and entrust your pain to him.

“Normal” heartache will make you angrier, more purposeful, and ALIVE. Strengthening the personality is impossible without this.

Unpleasant experiences should awaken you to real life, make you more natural or natural, tired of lies and lies, tired of the absurdity of their expectations, which are not destined to come true, more relaxed due to the loss of naive hopes, more "indifferent", more courageous. After all, "the one who has lost everything" has nothing more to fear.

"Right" pain makes us more determined. It is from this "cleansing" experience that we perform our real actions and make the only correct decisions.

Go not to an external goal, but to an internal one, that is - to YOURSELF.

If suddenly you feel unbearable in your soul - try not to make any abrupt actions, to be as aware of what is happening as possible, even if it seems to you a nightmare. Write a diary and compare what has been written in different periods. Move slowly, not forcing yourself, but also not hiding from reality behind the ideas that someone will "decide" something for you and "everything will somehow be formed by itself." It is not formed by itself. Every step you take should be weighed, deliberate and felt with all your soul. This is the privilege of only mature adults.

Leave your dreams of paradise. It is not available anywhere and no one has it. Paradise and fabulous well-being do not exist in principle. And you need to psychologically break through from dreams into reality.

And you can always ask for help. Quality psychological support and psychotherapy are now available.

The therapist stays close, supporting you on the path to yourself, but does not follow this path for you. The therapist's loyalty to the uncertainty and uncertainty of another person's life is truly healing, as is the experience that in reality there is nothing terrible and destructive so that it cannot be endured. However, this does not negate suffering, pain, loss, or fear. Which go hand in hand with loyalty, devotion, beauty and joy.

Being an adult means facing the unknown, making mistakes, taking responsibility for everything and often feeling lonely. However, the reward is high - the delight of a real life, full of discoveries and surprises, which you can never control, but which you can touch.