2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In one group on Facebook, a discussion broke out in response to a girl's question, "Is it normal that a man has been persistently pursuing her for two years, and how should she react to this bombing?"
Oh, how many archaic stereotypes, patterns and outright heresy (in my opinion) sounded in the answers.
That "a man is a hunter. And she should take a closer look at such a gifted male by nature"!
That "this is real love, which he proves, not giving up on his own. But she does not appreciate it. And soon she will lose such a wonderful, loving and purposeful man. Fool."
In general, 90% of active members of the forum took up in different ways to convince the girl that a man is normal. He simply fulfills his natural function of a hunter, and she should think well, urgently evaluate him, and "not run too fast."
And none of the advisers doubted the normality of what was happening, did not call it in their own words!
And this is what happens: A MAN DOES NOT HEAR THE WORD NO FOR TWO YEARS!
Not only does it not accept the obvious signals of lack of reciprocity, but it also ignores the direct rejection of intimacy!
But why? Why, in our culture, the story of "finishing off" continues to be considered a special valor and a sign of the greatest and true love?
Well, logically, when two people are sympathetic to each other, they exchange signals of sympathy. One sends, the other responds or does not reciprocate.
If the signal of reciprocity is received, one can carefully move on towards establishing closer contact, based on balance.
But stories, when one, in spite of all signals, and then direct rejection of intimacy goes ahead, achieving his goal, FOR TWO YEARS - "I want you, I need you, and the rest is not important. Your feelings, opinions and plans are not important." - well, they are not about love! They are about ill health and inadequacy!
What can you expect in the future from a person who initially ignores and does not care about your feelings, does not hear your "no"?
"I will get you" - sounds like "I will get my way"!
And where is love here? You are not here from the word at all! There is I AND MY GOAL. What I have achieved becomes my trophy! My property. Even if "finishing off" was a tacit and humble dragging on, a la "I'm always there."
No one will make investments for two years without expecting to subsequently extract the maximum profit.
And you will definitely have to pay the bills, restoring the balance that was initially lost.
The big question is what? Freedom, personal boundaries (which have already been broken and ignored), emotional well-being? A person who does not feel and does not respect his own boundaries, ignores rejection, does not respect the criteria of reciprocity, will never take into account other people's boundaries, feelings and opinions. And in general, in my opinion, a deeply pathologized person who has lost contact with himself, others and reality.
"A man is a hunter by nature." Jars from this thesis. Where did it get into the relationship realm? Well, they used to hunt mammoths and other animals. So a man, historically also a warrior. And what, to accept and praise his natural belligerence, if he dissolves his fists at home?
A man is a hunter … So a woman is not a prey. The prey is killed. Make it a trophy by hanging it on the wall. Woman partner. Equivalent. Having the right not to reciprocate if there is none. Respect for one's own "no" and the right to be heard in this.
I think we should no longer rely on dense stereotypes, myths, fantasies and beautiful legends.
And focus on your feelings, trust them, take into account reality and common sense.
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