2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are many secondary benefits in any suffering, especially when it comes to a couple. When one feels bad, the other is already guilty of being happy. When one person does not succeed in life, the other is covered with shame for his success. As a result, suffering covers both. One receives attention through suffering, the other gives him this attention in every possible way. But this is a superficial level.
And at depth. One suffers and manipulates the other so that he does not go further and better through life, does not achieve more, so as not to be left alone, which he cannot stand. Purely mercantile interest. And the other allows himself to be manipulated, allows himself to be used, merging his capabilities and talents in order to stay with the first in his suffering - to console, support and give his attention. Better to betray yourself than to leave someone who is unable to cope with himself and his life.
It's scary to look at your choice openly. Accepting that you allow yourself to be used is unbearable. And to admit that he himself gave up opportunities and chances and remained in a swamp - such a truth can not be sustained.
Suppressed anger at a partner, one way or another, will begin to break through, through sarcasm, barbs, offensive humor. But loneliness inside can remain forever, separation from the present with oneself, with one's desires and goals.
- self-disappointment
- depreciation of yourself
- self-pity
Three whales on which the suffering loneliness rests and which no one will ever understand or share. Because it is about running away from your life, from your decisions and plans for the sake of saving another. Then it turns out that no one asked for salvation, that you yourself decided so and it is your fault that all chances have been lost.
Few people want to face such a cruel truth. Better to keep suffering.
Any of our choices today - determines our tomorrow.
For many, suffering about what has not been fulfilled, about what has not happened is already a habit. The same thoughts and feelings - from month to month, from year to year. They turn into a habitual model of behavior or a pattern that we carry within ourselves, so the number of partners does not turn into quality, but life flows in a repeating scenario.
Is there a pattern of suffering in your relationship?
Formula for unhappiness: 1 + 1 = codependency
How should you build relationships in order to necessarily feel suffering, intolerance, misunderstanding, loneliness and rejection in them?
Everything is very simple!
1. To feel masculine or feminine contempt for everything, and do nothing with this contempt, it is better to suppress, ignore and exclude
2. Ignore the feelings of the other person, and it is best to be surprised at them. Can he really feel something?
3. Swear and rage when the other falls into weakness or admits that he does not know how to do something, does not know, cannot, does not want to.
4. Forbid to choose, say and do what you do not like. Only you have the right to choose and the other must agree with this.
5. To be always needed, to solve all problems, especially if they do not ask to feel, without you - he will always disappear
6. Only you can choose your wishes and desires - you don't want to go shopping with you - punish! I wanted to go fishing when you hate it - punish it! Only training! Just the way you want!
7. Total control over the life, thoughts and phone of another, you care about your general happiness, let him know!
8. Systematic and diligent striving to remake another under the cute image that you have inside, in your soul. Resists? Punish! Deny sex, humiliate, laugh, do not forget to despise and devalue. Time-proven methods!
9. Build your life according to templates - as is customary, as my mother said, as they showed on TV. We suppress, deny and safely exclude everything individual and personal
10. And most importantly, we always support the fear of changes in relationships, in ourselves and in life. After all, you already feel good - to control, train, alter, educate - a lot of worries, definitely not up to change and growing up
By following this simple formula, you are guaranteed to support the other's dependence on yourself, and yours on the other. A life provided for by suffering and loneliness is a sign of the impeccable taste of a well-bred person.
Silence, suppress, ignore, control and be afraid - remember, a sign of quality and the highest standard!
And if someone says to you: about boundaries, the right to choose, trust, resourcefulness, emotional closeness, male-female relations - do not believe it!
They just envy you!
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