Learn To Listen To And Hear Your Children Or WHAT Lies Deep

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Reviewing my notes, I discovered this story, recorded in a hurry many years ago. I reread it, put it off, but something suggested that, unfortunately, its relevance remains today.

It is possible that someone today needs to see these lines and something else, born right now:

Learn to listen and hear your children.

Recently I became an unwitting witness to the following situation. A mother and son, 4-5 years old, came to the public bathhouse. Now I will not talk about why my mother brought her son to the women's bathhouse. This is a separate story, and for the future of a man it is clearly not entirely rosy.

In this letter I want to share my impressions of what I saw and heard later, because I see these situations in different places all the time, only the heroes change. So, at some time, all the women present drew attention to the crying and screams of the child coming from the pair department.

This went on for a while. Everyone has already understood that the mother is strenuously hovering the child. When they left the steam room, it hurt to look at the boy: tear-stained, on the verge of hysteria. Mom (clearly out of the best intentions for the health of her son) sparred the boy heartily and sat him in a basin of water. He began to ask for water. He received no water. Was washed silently and quickly. Then they talked in the locker room, when my mother wiped him - tear-stained, even swollen from tears. The kid said that he would never go to steam again, his mother wiped him vigorously and firmly said one word, "You will go." That, in general, is the whole story, only it haunts me. I will calm down only when this letter is published, and there is a hope that not only this mother will read it, but also other mothers will think about their relationship with their children.

I really wanted to go up to this woman and tell her to stop and hear her son. He didn’t just talk about his unwillingness - he shouted, but … my mother didn’t hear him. This is scary. Put yourself in the place of a child, imagine yourself as a little man who came with his beloved mother to the bathhouse, interestingly (no comment), and then … this torture of heat and steam.

And then, when this baby grows up, he will hardly listen and will not even try to hear his mother, and she will be surprised - why did he grow up so insensitive, why is he not interested in her life ?! Of course, it is not a fact that this will be the case, but I am absolutely sure that it is in such everyday life that the relationships that await everyone in the future are laid bit by bit.

Unfortunately, I see a lot of such stories. And now I appeal to all parents: stop and think about how you communicate with your children. What you give them today, you will see in relation to yourself in the future.

Mom of two daughters

Many years have passed since this story, my daughters have grown up, but, unfortunately, I see similar stories almost every day now. And now I want to say only one thing. We are taught a lot both in the family and at school, a lot, but not everything … We are taught to keep our mouth clean (how long, with which toothpastes and brushes), but they are not taught to keep track of WHAT and HOW we say; we are taught to move safely from home to school, look left and right, etc., but they do not teach us to look in ourselves and look into those who are next to us every day of our lives, and, moreover, they do not teach to SEE our inner world and the world of people nearby; teach to be polite, neat, neat in kindergarten, school, but do not teach to be polite and neat in relationships with yourself and loved ones, etc. Of course, all the knowledge gained is important and valuable, but as if there is nothing really important …

There is no foundation, no foundation. And now, having worked with people for many years, I know what foundation needs to be talked about and WHAT needs to be laid - this is Love. And here Love is verbs: to look and see, listen and hear yourself and those who are next to you, etc. And here I want to say the following. We absolutely do not know how to do this. As a result, we have: loneliness, constantly repeating deadlock situations, conflicts, unsuccessful marriages, constant dissatisfaction … The list is endless. And, not coping with these difficult moments in life, we throw out our despair on our loved ones, first of all, on our children. We simply do not know how to do otherwise. We have some kind of program that gives out only such reactions. We do not teach, but shout; we do not talk about our desires, but manipulate and … again an endless list. And if you understand "in depth", you can see that we live according to the program laid down in our family. And our parents gave us what they received, in turn, from their parents and so on … So you can go further into each genus, but the path of finding an answer sooner or later leads to the next one.

In the method of systemic constellations there is such a concept "Interrupted movement of love"

In short, sometime earlier - in our ancestors on my father's or mother's side - the natural movement of love was interrupted due to something heavy (and they had enough of this), and the feelings froze, froze. And then there was simply no strength to manifest feelings (read - love), it was just important to somehow survive. So they lived as best they could: if only to feed, to dress somehow, etc.

And love, of course, was and flowed, but there was so little of it that it was enough only to conceive, bear and give birth to children, and then, as they say, "as God puts it on the soul" … So "frozen", "frozen "fathers and mothers, later grandfathers and grandmothers, went and go through life, giving only what they can give, and carrying in themselves despair, pain and endless longing for ordinary warmth, and, if you look deeper, there is a longing for love, for unconditional love. After all, everyone wants to be loved and accepted as he is; to be taken care of just like that, without expecting anything in return; to be waited and greeted warmly always, at any time of the day or night, without making any claims at the meeting … We all want this, but we do not have it and we do not know how. And here there is only one way - the restoration of this interrupted movement of love. It exists, it just needs to be revived … It's easy to say, but how difficult it is, and sometimes even difficult to do! And then everyone chooses his own path …

Any decision is worthy of respect. And, nevertheless, when there is the courage to take a step towards Love, then how joyful it is to see the happy eyes of those who have found the interrupted movement of Love of their Kin !!! They find her, she is reborn, flows and fills everyone in order to move on in their Kin … And she certainly comes to them … They take it from their parents, and they already have something to pass on, and they pass this love on - to their children … This is the foundation that I spoke about above, and which is vital for each of us. And only on it can you build a really happy and joyful life, in which you will later need the rules for caring for the oral cavity, and traffic rules, and other important knowledge.

And now I would like to imagine the development of events in that very bathhouse, if mother and son spoke the language of Love …

Hmmm, an interesting continuation came out after reading that long history … Then there was a situation when I was just looking, and today I can already see it, tk. I know the answer. And to you, who are reading these lines, I sincerely wish to receive your answers to your questions.