2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We are living in amazing times. There is so much information available now. For me personally, this is very important.
And before? Our parents didn't know a lot. I don’t know what would have happened if they had known, but … they didn’t know.
Adults are significant and authoritative, they did not allow most of us not only to live, but even to experience feelings.
I don’t know about you, but in my childhood I couldn’t be angry, cry, be offended, sad - I couldn’t feel myself. If I were a child now, it would be the same. The abundance of information does not at all teach some people to think differently)))
"Just do not be angry!!!"
"Good girls don't cry"
"They carry water to the offended."
"Neighbors are watching" or "Neighbors will say …"
"What are you nursing about ?!"
and many, many messages and outright prohibitions not to feel alive, or even so - to feel inanimate. I was a very obedient child, believed every word spoken, corresponded to the ideas of adults about "goodness", I VERY WANTED THAT THEY LOVE ME and … I stopped feeling … I stopped using the word at all. Then I learned this skill for a very, very long time, many, many years. Yes, I’m probably still learning.
And from what was said and forbidden by the parents), many, many childish, unconscious decisions and beliefs follow, which we still rake.
And what about feelings?
And feelings must be lived. You have to learn this yourself and teach your children
The child needs to explain, tell, explain what he is feeling now and what can be done about it.
For example: "Oh, you are angry now. It can really get very angry. When I get angry, I hit a punching bag, go to the gym or go for a run, or draw my own anger …".
We teach the child to recognize feelings and express them constructively without harm to themselves and others.
And the child understands that he is normal, healthy and does not collapse from his anger, does not drive him inside himself and does not block there and does not form autoimmune diseases in himself.
What to do with the fear of the dark, if it is age-related
In the existential approach, the fear of the dark is regarded as the fear of death - one of the existential given. And here it is important to acquaint the child with darkness in a safe environment, to tell about it so that the child understands. And in no case should you devalue a child's fear, not scold a child for him, not call him a coward or a coward and remember that you yourself are afraid of something too.
And remember that we work and understand with any feeling only in a safe environment and having the resources for it. When a child cries, the first step is to calm him down.
Psychologists are great at dealing with fears.
If the child is bored parents either ignore his feelings or begin to entertain him - they do not give the child the opportunity to live such a feeling as boredom. And then the child does not learn to look for ways and opportunities to occupy himself, and in the future such a grown child does not know how to look for meanings in life, does not have self-reliance.
We teach the child to interact with boredom. We tell you that boredom is the same feeling as others. We suggest you look for options yourself, how to keep yourself occupied. This is briefly.
Those parents who do not know how to live their feelings on their own do not tolerate these feelings in their children.
If I do not know how to live, for example, anger or sadness, I will not be able to withstand them in a child, let alone tell him something about these feelings and help him live.
The first thing to do is learn to notice and be aware of your feelings.
The second is to learn how to live them. It takes time, but it's worth it.
Read "smart" books, seek support and help from specialists - learn to live your feelings. This is important for your mental and physical health.
Take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself and teach this to your children
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