When Will The Anxiety Finally End ?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Coming to therapy with the request to “get rid of anxiety completely” is like going to an archaeological museum hoping to see Bigfoot. Interesting, exciting, but alas)

This is the same impossible fantasy as, for example, the wish that the summer would never pass. That is literally: all year round it was summer on the calendar, and not just warm. It is just as impossible to completely get rid of anxiety, just as it is impossible in our reality to spin the Earth in the opposite direction.

Therefore, when, after a few months of therapy, clients suddenly realize that plus or minus anxiety remains in place, they begin to be indignant) Someone to themselves, someone is actively listening) “Now, I have been walking for six months / one and a half years, but Zen in any situation I still can't catch it."

And it's like going to school after school. Here you come to the first year of the psychology department and begin to acquire the first layer of knowledge. By the end of the year, having familiarized yourself with the basics of psychoanalysis and psychodiagnostics, you boldly call some people stuck in the oral phase, others - a low level of self-esteem, others reveal an irresistible envy of the penis, others are rewarded with dysthymic accentuation and mysteriously throw up their hands. When you know a little, everything is simple and clear) the more you learn, the more shades appear, the less unambiguous some things become.

So it is with emotions. Anxiety does not immediately decrease, because the feelings from session to session become more and more. Rather, they are overgrown with their names and forms. Access appears to them. Now "I feel okay" is turning into "I feel tired, frustrated and ashamed."

When feelings find their names, the outlook on many familiar things can change. You may suddenly realize that the relationship for which you try so hard and even sacrifice so much can hardly be called partner and mutual, but very abusive. It turns out that your mood does not spoil "just like that", but from regular depreciation and humiliation. Will new experiences arise in connection with this discovery? Sure. And as a bonus, you will begin to recognize these emotions in other situations. It is as if you came with a request that you find it difficult to breathe deeply because you are wearing a tight corset. And now you wear a corset less often or do not wear it at all, but it turned out that it is difficult to breathe not only in a corset, but also in stuffy rooms and when playing sports.

More feelings emerge - more anxiety and questions about "how it happened and what to do about it")

And here it is easy and natural to start to doubt. Not only in the fact that we are going in the right direction, but also in whether we are going at all and are we not going back into the dark jungle) And no matter how absurd it may seem, this "throwing back" is a very important part of the work.

It's like with clothes. You can wear "something" and not understand which thing suits the situation, occasion and mood, and which one just hangs in a hoodie or adds 38 years to the passport age, regardless of the reason. And you can begin to understand that in this T-shirt with a cat the mood improves, and in that dress with an open back there is a feeling of incredible sexuality and confidence, and that huge sweatshirt over there wraps up in the atmosphere of a winter evening with a cup of cocoa. You can understand that cropped pants, despite the incredible popularity now, are not yours at all. Just because you like shorts better. You can love yellow and wear it in a year when the most popular color is classic blue and still sleep well.

Sometimes there is a feeling that the same anxiety, despite the months of therapy, has increased. But if you rewind and look at the processes of its "drain", then it seems like there are almost no questions) Because there was "before" eating or refusal to eat, because food is the most affordable and quickest way to cope with anxiety. There was a lot of "sex is not a reason for dating", because a lot of relaxation was needed. There was a "obedient girl" who agreed to difficult tasks, for which no one else undertook, because "what if they suddenly get fired." There was a fast-paced and terrible relationship that took years to get out of.

I have already written a text that anxiety is an important part of life, which, in a good scenario, is more of a helper than an enemy.

And finally.

I always tell clients that no life is like a straight line. It is always with descents, ascents and periods of calm. Each such flat section of the road is a preparation for the next crisis and anxiety. Well, just because there is no development without a crisis)