2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
POINT OF NO RETURN. Parting. Divorce. Death.
Why is it so difficult to endure a breakup, a break in a relationship, the departure of a loved one? Today I walked in the park by the river and reflected, recalled different situations, clinical cases and caught myself feeling
Divorce, parting, breaking up of relations is a symbolic theme of "death".
Something that happened and cannot be returned back, that is gone forever, remains forever in the past. Just like the death of (a significant person) is the theme of a symbolic "divorce", when during life, for some reason, one spouse really wanted (consciously or unconsciously), but failed to part with the other, to leave, so to speak "to separate "Into freedom. Especially if this death occurs at a relatively young, mature age, and not from old age.
And on this score, I had several clinical cases when toxic, dysfunctional relationships in the family brought suffering, but the person endured, avoided conflicts, smoothed out quarrels, did not pay attention, pretended that nothing had happened. It was not possible to solve the problem, and maybe I did not want to. And divorce is scary! And the feeling of guilt - to leave a wife and two children, this is impossible. But here is death from an incomprehensible disease, sometimes sudden, sudden, sometimes accumulated symptoms for years, and sometimes an accident. It would seem, well, it happens so, life … and all that.
But in reality, the bricks themselves do not just fall on their heads from the sky. There are no such bricks. And if there were - then why YOU were at the right time in the right place? Why have YOU built your own living space around you like that? There may be few answers, there may be many. But they are. Everyone has their own.
And why is it so painful and so bad when someone left you, and maybe not died, but left, left, ended the relationship with you? Longing, an unbearable feeling of loss, a wild desire to return everything (or rather, not everything, but only the best that happened) constantly overtakes. Answer: because the relationship is "dead." Or someone "killed" them (one or both). And together with them, symbolically, you have to "bury" in your consciousness the image of the person who seems to have left your life forever and will no longer call you those affectionate words, will not take you by the hand as before, will not hold you to him … And a feeling of despair, hopelessness, powerlessness …
And for some reason people will say - time heals, you will forget it, you will meet another, pull yourself together, get distracted … And time goes by so slowly … And the pain always catches up and overtakes. And there seems to be no way out.
But he must be, and he is.
Getting out of the experience of loss - in acceptance, going out in search of resources and support. And it's good if there is where to get this support, if there is at least someone to talk to, open up, cry out. Existential supports and the search for new meanings of being, filling the void, living through all stages of grief, forming your new living space. Letting go of the one who wants to leave. Accept his choice. Completion stage.
Dot.
Yes it happened.
With me.
And so it is.
But I am still alive (alive), I live and I will continue to live.
Why should I live on, what resource should I live on. And much, much more … And all the answers are within the person himself.
Never be discouraged. As long as you are alive, this is not the end. This means that your path has not yet been passed. This means that the World still needs you, the Universe needs you, Itself. And this means that everything is still ahead, for the sake of which it is worth living on.
With love, your fellow traveler at an important stage in life. Through hardship to the stars…
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