2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
These are reflections not about a physical separation, but rather an emotional one, when everyone is alive and well, and something else has disappeared. My feelings and experiences, relationships, values. They are no more. And then I part not with people, but with my feelings that I lived next to them … I part with some of myself, with some of my part, my experiences that were … And it is very painful, because they are not return. And it was especially painful because they were very valuable and important. And I want to feel it again. Longing for what can no longer be repeated.
You can part with people, with places, events, beliefs, illusions
You can leave home, but not break up psychologically with your parents. They continue to live inside me. They tell me what to do and what not; dictate their own norms and rules, on the basis of which elections are carried out and decisions are made; determine the meaning of my life. Before them I make excuses, I blame and await punishment. I am not yet a separate person, with my own values and meanings. There I am as a representative of mom and dad …
You can part with certain periods of life, for example, childhood, where I could be careless, protected, irresponsible, convinced that someone will always solve my problems and difficulties. And, especially, with the belief that there are those who know how to live my life. On whom you can always shift the responsibility. And this has been gone for a long time, and it's hard to admit …
You can also part with your illusions and expectations. Because it hurts a lot. Disappointment, meaninglessness of the revealed reality, loneliness and fear of how to live on …
When people get divorced, it doesn't mean that they broke up. Someone psychologically continues to live in old relationships, still waiting for something, not wanting to admit that they are over, no matter how valuable. Keeping grievances, cherishing the hope that someone will see, understand and correct, or admit that they are wrong. Or continuing to suffer from what was good, not believing that it was good in the past. But in the present it is not. Find the strength to put valuable memories in a box and periodically return with gratitude that it was in my life …
Why is breaking up so hard?
Only this sadness that the good is over? If everything is over, then not only will there be no more good, but there will also be no opportunity to fix what was bad. Admit my grievances, and give up the hope that someone will notice this and realize how much they hurt me. Admit your mistakes and failures, and if there was a feeling of guilt, then it can no longer be redeemed. You can do something now, but the past cannot be changed. As in one parable of the nails. Each hammered nail is a pain inflicted on another person. Apologizing, redeeming, we can pull this nail out. But the hole will remain forever. And all that can be done now is not to drive in new nails.
Letting go of the past, recognizing the fact that this is not in the present moment.. And giving yourself the opportunity to mourn what is no longer there. To mourn past feelings, missed opportunities. To live this loss and loss. Not wanting to let go - denying death, ignoring its existence. So, to deny life as a movement and its natural changes inherent in it.
Children deny death. They do not believe that it concerns them. In their world, everything is eternal: they, parents, childhood, life … Parting with what has already ended, be it relationships, events, periods of life, places, means accepting the idea of the finiteness of processes and life itself. It makes you grow up and act, and not endlessly wait for something … And start living on, go towards something new.
Without completing the separation processes, it is impossible to experience gratitude for what it was in my life. Without this, it is impossible to make the past part of the experience and rely on it in the future.
Without parting - you will not meet. When you let go of one, there is room for the other
Without parting with your parents, you will not meet yourself, and without this it is impossible to build a relationship, because I do not yet exist as a separate person. Without parting with one person, you will not meet another. Without parting with childhood, you will not meet adulthood or maturity. Without parting with illusions, you will not meet with reality, and therefore with Life.
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