Fear Of Loss: How Destructive Does It Affect Our Lives?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Each of us has some fears and phobias. And this is normal, since such states are necessary for us in order to warn us about a certain danger, to help protect ourselves in time. They are not afraid of anything - this is really not the norm. But fears are beneficial only if they work in an adequate manner. If there is a failure, then fears prevent us from enjoying life, they poison our existence, us and our loved ones. In this article I would like to talk about a certain fear - fear of loss as one of the most common (typical, natural) phenomena.

Whom and what are we so much afraid of losing?

Loss of a partner … This fear is at the root of such an age-old relationship problem as jealousy. A person increases control over those who are dear to him, monitors his every step (eavesdrops on telephone conversations, reads SMS on the phone, etc.). This often provokes quarrels and resentments from the partner for not being trusted. The fear of losing the other half follows from self-doubt, an inferiority complex, and low self-esteem.

Loss of self-control. People are afraid of losing the ability to control their emotions, thoughts, body, because this most often does not lead to anything good. You can feel the fear of losing your mind, becoming physically helpless, showing some feelings in public, so as not to appear to others as some kind of negative character, imperfect, "black sheep".

Loss of control over others. This is not about mistrust and jealousy. Here a person acts from other motives. He believes (at the level of the unconscious, of course) that as long as everything is under his control, then he and his loved ones will be safe, nothing bad can happen to them. From the manifestations of such fear, children often suffer, whose parents, out of the best intentions, surround their children with overprotection, not allowing them to show independence and suppressing any initiative. Behind such a state, there may well be other fears - loneliness, physical loss of a loved one.

Loss of a loved one. Fear can be emotional and physical in nature. In the first case, for a person for spiritual harmony, it is important to constantly feel needed, important, useful to others. If his words are not heard, and his actions are not appreciated, he experiences discomfort. The fear of physically losing a dear person (or a beloved pet, which often turns into a full-fledged family member) comes from the fear of loneliness, a strong sense of guilt, a state of helplessness.

Loss of image. The fear of "falling face down in the mud", showing oneself not in the way required by a certain status gives rise to the desire to put on masks, to be hypocritical, to carefully hide himself in the present and to show himself to the world the way he wants to see you, how he is ready to accept you. This fear can also hide the fear of being alone, losing influence on certain people, their love and respect.

Loss of property. The fear that they will take away "everything that is acquired by back-breaking labor" can manifest itself not only among rich people. The scenario that someone (robbers, bailiffs, bank, enterprising relatives, etc.) can take property, sits in a personal or collective unconscious, turning a person into a greedy person (pity for others) or a curmudgeon (pity for himself). As a result, all life goes on in constant stress. The extreme manifestations of such fear are saving on everything (medicines, food, children's needs) and Plyushkin's syndrome, when a person begins to drag into the house everything that is necessary and unnecessary ("useful for a rainy day") that falls into his field of vision.

Loss of freedom. Those who do not play very cleanly (for example, take bribes at work, get drunk behind the wheel, violate other laws) may be afraid of being imprisoned. There is another freedom, personal, which each of us cherishes to one degree or another. Many are very scared to become dependent on other people, "dissolve" in a partner. This is how inveterate bachelors and "runaway brides" appear.

Losing yourself. This fear gives rise to a feeling of unrecognition, loss of the meaning of life and associated apathy, depressive states (up to suicide attempts). A person does not understand why he lives, he does not realize the importance of himself in this life, does not see his goals, does not feel desires, does not know where, how and why to move on.

Loss of physical and inner strength. Seeing weak, pathetic, helpless is another fear that can be present in our lives. And, it should be noted, more and more often women become susceptible to this fear - in the modern world they really want to compete with men in physical, intellectual, social equality, so they are afraid to seem defenseless, dependent.

Where do fears of loss come from?

All these and many other existing fears of loss (I have cited only a few, but far from all) can sit both in our unconscious and be realized by us. And here it is important to understand - can we control them or fears control us? They can be in our unconscious and from there create systematically repeating life scenarios that we would very much like to avoid.

Since the unconscious can be individual (personal experience) and collective ("inherited" from parents and ancestors), fears can also be of a personal nature (the overwhelming majority of them are drawn from childhood) or generic. I will give examples to make it clearer for you:

• Birth fear. In my ancestral system, along the male and female lines (father and mother), parents lost their children, and not only in adulthood, but also in infancy. You can imagine what kind of unconscious fear was present in them already at the stage of waiting for the child.
• Personal fear. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Dad was in my life, but not in the same capacity as before ("Sunday dad"). This pain from the loss of one of the two closest people was firmly embedded in my unconscious, and subsequently the merr developed a fear of loss. At some point, I began to shy away from getting closer to people, so as not to lose them later.

Where Do Fears Lead?

It is not without reason that it is said that what you are running from is sure to catch up with you. Resisting fear often backfires. As a result, there were a lot of losses in my life at different levels, both animate and non-animate, both emotional and physical. And all because the scenario of loss sat in my unconscious, forcing life to play it over and over again.

You must understand that fears grow like a snowball, and sometimes they multiply so imperceptibly that you do not even realize how much you are afraid of losing and what you are depriving yourself of. For example, I initially gave up my family and children so as not to lose all that was dear and valuable. My parents were constantly afraid for me and my sister, that they might lose us, that something would happen to us, and this eternal hassle of them resulted in a divorce.

What can and should be done with our fears?

As I already noted at the beginning of the article, adequate fears are our helpers, they help us to control ourselves, to prevent the appearance of some negative phenomena in our life. And the hypertrophied fears that we generate and develop in ourselves or through the efforts of parents and other people from our close environment are destructive states. And it is impossible to control them - it is fears that control us.

It is quite possible to work with adequate fears (recognize, recognize) on your own in order to understand how to use them correctly. As soon as you feel that something is wrong with you, and the anxiety begins to increase, reach out to yourself. Ask yourself how you feel (anxiety, tension) and try to find the source of this feeling in your body. Now tell the fear, "I acknowledge you, I give you space." Take a deep breath in and out. Or try talking to him as if he has a voice and can answer you. Such internal dialogues help to calm down, identify the nature and nature of fears and keep them under control.

If you cannot cope with your fear, and its manifestations are repeated systematically, for no reason and uncontrollably, I would recommend contacting a specialist who will help you understand the existing problem, its causes and eliminate it. It would be great not only to remove fear, but also to work out the negative scenario that is associated with it and which you do not want to repeat. I will tell you this, it is real, and in the shortest possible time. I myself went through everything myself, my clients went through, healing from fears is possible.

Do not let fears destroy your life, save it so as not to lose the opportunity to live peacefully, happily and in complete harmony with yourself and the people around you!