2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Previous article about botling
Brunders are people who are hooked by uncomfortable feelings, they suffer from their worthlessness, constantly adding inconveniences to everyone. They do not know how to let go of feelings, because they strive to share everything - they fixate on harm, failure, flaw, anxiety.
Brunder is a relative of anxiety. Both brunders and anxious people are focused on themselves, trying to move away from the present moment and settle in a different time. Only an anxious person looks in front, and a brunder - back - aimlessly and then, and then. Brunders lose perspective: molehills turn into mountains, and disrespect is a crime that is punishable by death.
But in one thing, brunders are ahead of botlers: in an attempt to solve their problems, brunders at least "feel their feelings," in the sense that they know about their emotions. Baduners will not be threatened by emotional outflow, but they can drown in the abyss of their emotions. During meditation, emotions do not gain strength, because they are under pressure, but at the same time they become stronger. Emotions of brunders grow stronger, like a hurricane gains power, circle after circle, absorbing more energy.
Like botlers, brunders usually have the best motives. Reflecting on troubled feelings creates the soothing illusion of conscious effort. A person wants to cope with a difficult situation and begins to ponder it - and thinks, thinks and thinks again. As a result, he does not come close to solving the problem that caused his discomfort. Brunders often blame themselves, asking: "Why do I always react this way?", "Why couldn't I solve it in the best way?" It takes up a lot of intellectual energy. It's exhausting and unproductive.
Brunders are difficult to deal with because they throw their emotions onto others. They strive to speak out to their neighbors, but at a certain stage even those closest to them get tired of the endless need of a brunder to chat about their fears, anxiety and struggle. Moreover, the bunder's obsession with himself leaves no room for the needs of others, and therefore the listeners end up walking, leaving the bunder alone and with a sense of despair. And then, of course, brunders can fall into the trap of “suffering because of suffering,” in which they become imbued with their chronic anxiety.
There are type 1 and type 2 thoughts. Type 1 thoughts are normal human anxiety when solving everyday problems: a robot on a large project, a crazy schedule, littering last night, or busy with children. Type 1 thoughts are straightforward: "I'm worried about X" or "I'm sad about X".
Type 2 thoughts appear when you mentally walk into the hall of mirrors and hover in useless thoughts about thoughts. For example, "I am worried that I worry so much." Added to disturbing emotions is the feeling of guilt that we have them. "Not only am I worried about X, but I also have no right to be in this state." A person is angry with anger, worried about anxiety, unhappy because of unhappiness.
To be continued…
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
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