I Don't Need A Psychologist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"A psychologist is needed only by the weak and depressed"

Perhaps the vague definition of "strong" and "weak" creates this myth. As far as I can tell, strength equates to independence and has a positive sound, in contrast to weakness and need.

But if we take into account that the world is changing, then the definition and sound of concepts should also change. Once upon a time, the need for another person meant certain death. And being strong saved lives.

Now I see more and more how yesterday's strong people (including myself) are locked in their own belief that being in need is bad and very dangerous. They live with an unmet need for something else, but safe. Imaginary. Previously, it was the same, but there was no one to satisfy the need, because few people knew how to give and take support.

Now this can be learned from a psychologist, and therefore the concepts of weakness and strength begin to change their shade. The one who recognizes his weakness - the need for support - becomes stronger and goes to learn a new skill.

"There is nothing to whine if nobody died"

I also hear that the "whiners" are cited as an example of other people's suffering. Now, if another person suffered, and then managed to become happy, then I have nothing to whine that something doesn’t suit me, but I must be glad that I don’t have these sufferings and troubles.

But this is false joy. The person who almost fell on his head with a brick, and the person who successfully completed his project - they rejoice in different ways. The first is glad that he survived. But his life remained empty. The second rejoices in filling, this achievement will remain with him forever.

That is why not everyone knows how to rejoice if everything is more or less smooth in life? There are those who are not satisfied with everything. I was not taught to be happy, to define what I want. And taught to overcome difficulties and work hard. At the same time, they created security and abundance for me! And what to do in such conditions if you don't need to survive ?!

That's why the whiners are right when they whine. So they have at least a chance to change their lives. If it is possible to overcome shame, doubts, fears, and they will begin to whine to a specialist.

"Learn to enjoy the little things"

I have nothing against little things. I enjoy the custard coffee, the beautiful place, the funny joke.

And what, only little things can bring joy?

But marriage, children, friends, work - not at all necessary?

Partner for commitment, children to take care of them, friends to listen, work to work!

I'm talking about the overheard belief that if important areas of life are not pleasing, learn to enjoy the little things. Or happiness is in the little things.

My opinion: happiness is not in small things! And if something does not go well globally, you need to change something, and not be distracted by trifles!

I really agree that there are things that we cannot influence. But if they are unbearable, then you need to change the attitude towards them. It's bad to endure.

"You just need to change your job / husband, find a hobby, go to the gym, unwind"

That is, the belief that some kind of external changes are needed to change the perception of the world.

This is from a series of treating a symptom, not a disease.

By symptom, I mean internal discomfort. Under the disease is the inability to define one's desires, the fear of following them.

I did this myself: I changed my husband, quit my job, found a hobby, went in for sports, lost 40 kilograms, in general, had fun. It got easier, really!

But only after a personal study, I realized how it could be DIFFERENT. I didn't know I could feel the way I do now. At the same time, I really changed something in my life, but my attitude to something changed.

"Conversations give nothing"

Well, I agree with that! The conversation can ease the client's condition for a while. Then everything will return to normal. You can just talk endlessly. But change won't come.

What then comes the change? After all, you want changes! Another sensation is an empty phrase for those who have not experienced another.

Changes come because the psychologist mirrors the client's life, his personality. In order for the client to see himself, his loved ones, not from the inside, but as if from the outside, as in a mirror. It is not very easy to explain and understand, but it is definitely in a new way.

A friend and comrade will not be able to give such a vision, because he himself is at the mercy of his convictions. A psychologist can, because he was specially trained for this. And this will not be the vision of a psychologist, but of the client HIMSELF.