2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
To avoid conflicts and stay in peace and harmony with others, you need to realize one important feature of the life of each person:
we perceive the world from the first person
How does this relate to a sense of self-importance? Whatever happens around, the world of each of us is fundamentally different from the world of every other person. From early childhood, comprehending the language, we learn to interpret events in such a way that they are consistent with our values and needs. Passing through personal experience, we draw conclusions: what we need to strive for and what we should avoid. We condemn some actions and encourage others. All these “must” and “must” form our picture of the world through which we, as if through a photo filter, perceive reality.
In parallel with the formation of personal experience, the formation and separation from a certain “public mass” of one's personal “I” takes place. We have some perception of ourselves as a person: "I am like this and this, but this and that I am not." The selective construction of our own personality forces us to deny those traits that "should not" be inherent in her, and to defend those aspects that play in favor of this character created by our mind.
I, I, I. Everyone is talking about me. What is my friend trying to tell me in a message? Doesn't she indicate with this adverb phrase that I was flirting with her boyfriend? Of course, she had been thinking about it all day. And everyone else is looking at me. In the transport, everyone is looking at me. The girls over there are looking at me and giggling as they discuss Me. This man was just looking at me. Etc.
Suspiciousness is dangerous because it strikes in the gut: in an attempt to justify our importance, we perceive the existence of our importance for others as a priori fact. Self-importance can be seen as a clever defense mechanism that hides from me the fact that other people don't really care about me.
We realize early on that some actions cause encouragement, and some - punishment from adults. Under the influence of “can and should not”, “painful” and “pleasant”, “people pay attention to me” and “people turn away from me”, the lion's share of human values is formed, which determine his personality and, consequently, behavior throughout life.
Loneliness, the feeling of being cut off from society is an overwhelming burden for a person. Therefore, a sense of self-importance is so necessary for us: it allows our minds to engage in an exciting game called "I am important to people", and although the desire itself can be constructive, provided that it encourages creativity and the development of skill in our favorite industry, unnecessary self-concentration carries frustration in direct proportion to the degree of self-preoccupation.
The sense of self-importance breeds painful vulnerability. When we try to maintain a certain impression that our personality makes on other people, we subject ourselves to great suffering when someone questions the valuable traits that we believe are inherent in us. As soon as the opposite opinion sounded in our direction, we immediately rush to defend our wounded personality in an attempt to restore, as it seems to us, justice - although in practice we unbalance ourselves and exacerbate the conflict.
So how do you stop being offended? It is necessary to understand that we have nothing to do with what other people tell us. Any words that approve and blame come solely from the perception of the world in which the person who approves or criticizes us lives. What a relief: they have nothing to do with us! What a stone from the shoulders!
The next step is to come to terms with the fact that our happiness does not depend on our environment. Nothing in the world around is capable of giving a person happiness. This is a paradoxical step: in order to gain true self-confidence, it is necessary to agree that we cannot know everything, we cannot fully meet the expectations, mood and values of another person - and do we really need to spend energy on this?
And finally, let's remember the wonderful wisdom: when a person tells us something bitter, it is as if he were offering us a drink of poison. However, we can always refuse to drink poison, thank the person for his offering and walk by, continuing to follow our own path - listening to the beating of our brave heart.
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