Passive Aggression. Where? What To Do?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Passive aggression is a type of behavior that is expressed in indirect resistance to the actions or behavior of others. If we do not have the opportunity to make others understand how we feel, we can do it in some other way: pout, sore, procrastinate, forget about something important …

Why are we being passive-aggressive?

1. Most often, because we were taught that way. For example, if a child in childhood was never taught to understand and express his feelings, then becoming he will not even be able to recognize these feelings. Often, a person will not even be able to say that he is angry if you ask him about it directly. And not because he wants to deceive, but because he himself does not understand this.
2. From a lack of self-confidence. It can be difficult to admit that we are hurt and offend, because this betrays our needs (for attention, recognition, etc.) and makes it obvious that we are imperfect and vulnerable. In a world where self-confidence and strength are prized, it is difficult to show your weaknesses.
3. When the environment does not involve open and honest communication. This happens in work teams. Especially with a hierarchical structure (in the army, for example). In such an environment, it is difficult to tell the boss that we actually think that he is a tyrant (even if this is objectively so). Anger has to be contained, but it does not disappear anywhere, and breaks out in the form of passive aggression.

What to do?

1. Understand how you are feeling. Learning to slow down and listen to yourself is the main way to deal with passive aggression.
2. Learn to appropriate your feelings. It is important to understand that what you are feeling is important, that you are entitled to them. What your feelings tell you about your needs.
3. And the last thing is practice! It can be very difficult to tell other people how you feel, what is happening to you, and why. It can be really difficult and scary. But this is important. It can help you more than just become yourself in a relationship. It can change the relationship itself. Make them deeper and more interesting.

You can probably learn to recognize, appropriate and express your feelings on your own. But, I think it's easier to do this together with a psychologist. The experience of participating in a psychotherapy group can be especially valuable. There are many opportunities to practice expressing your own feelings and needs. And you can do it in a safe supportive atmosphere.

Author: Kuzmina Natalia Sergeevna