And After The Divorce, Life Goes On

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

If the situation has come to a divorce, then it's too late to shed tears.

You will not go anywhere from suffering and worries, and they will haunt you for a long time. True, not as long as it seems to you now.

If your heart is broken, and your soul is torn to shreds, then at least take a look at how they are arranged

Divorce tears the soul and breaks the heart, exposes the nerves, knocks a person out of their usual rut. All this is worth crying and even more than once, maybe even getting drunk. You can torment your friends and girlfriends for some time with your hysterical stories and complaints, give them the opportunity to pity and caress you, and maybe get drunk with you. You can still hide in a far corner and revel in your grief alone until it brings you to complete devastation.

But if you do decide to go to a psychologist, then you need to discuss something completely different. Divorce is a very good reason to change yourself and your life. And if your heart is still broken, and your soul is torn to pieces, then at least look at how they work. I swear to you, you will want to change a lot in yourself.

What savings have you been holding in your broken heart, and what is the best way to spend them?

What is the point of thinking about how she or he is better than you. In a divorce situation, such thoughts act like a razor "on the living" and "like salt on a wound." But since it is still impossible to get away from them, then bring these thoughts to the end. Let them cut you from throat to tail. You will find in yourself a small child, long forgotten by you. It is with him that it is worth comparing yourself today.

Pay attention to what talents you yourself did not notice then, what advances of fate and gifts of nature were ineptly profiled. And then look at yourself in your youth and at a time when you have not yet met the person with whom you are now parting.

In general, you need to revise your life and try to revive what is still alive. Most likely, it turns out that in the past there are not only naive dreams and stupid fantasies, but something that is still valuable and important to you. Some of these forgotten features might make sense to try again.

The brighter the person with whom you happened to live together was, the more he blinded your mind with himself and the more alternative ways of development he, willingly or unwittingly, closed in front of you. In family life, people usually tune in to a common wave and muffle all extraneous noises. This happens both in moments of happy life and in periods of family scandals.

After the divorce, for many, there is a "deafening silence": the former family hum has already subsided, and the perception of everything else has somehow dulled in recent years. You need to remember yourself and restore the ability to see and hear something around you.

When our computer starts to junk and freeze, you can use an option such as "returning the system to its original state." You need to do a similar procedure with your psyche. It is necessary, if possible, to restore in yourself everything that was in you before meeting with your husband or wife. But, on the other hand, you need to understand what new you have acquired in the process of your marriage and what of this you need to keep.

If you loved and still love the person with whom you are parting, then no psychologist can save you from experiences and mental pain, often friends do it better and, most importantly, for free. But if you want to be reborn to a new life by analyzing past mistakes, then psychologists can help you with this.

If life has knocked you out of a rut, it means that you can no longer skid and not bury yourself in the mud at the very bottom

Usually people do not really like to change or engage in self-development, but in a situation where life knocks them out of their usual rut, they still have to change something. Psychologists can help you wake up your sleeping possibilities, correct common mistakes, and correct the scenario of your life. In this scenario, there will be a place for this divorce, and possibly other difficult partings that have fallen to you in life, but all these events will change their status - they will turn into an experience that will help you not to make similar mistakes in the future.

Divorces are usually preceded by a period of already meaningless accusations and arguments, during which you can hear a lot about yourself. It is worth admitting that not all of what was said to you is untrue. But it is not the criticism itself that hurts, but the deliberate desire of a once loved one to hurt you. In the process of such quarrels, people often step on the gas and bury themselves in the mud at the very bottom. Do not try to get into this rut again, but quietly, without pressing frenziedly on the pedal, drive off onto solid ground.

"My second husband turned out to be the same goat as the first, but with slightly different horns."

From a divorce, even if it was you yourself, there is always an unpleasant aftertaste in my soul: I did or did something wrong, I am to blame for something. Such self-criticism is usually meaningless and merciless. From the shock and mental pain you have endured, you already focused too much on the figure of your former chosen one and on the wounds that he or she inflicted on you. Even if you criticize yourself, it’s only for what can prevent you from living on.

After a divorce, a radical change in life can occur at different levels: from everyday habits to ideological attitudes. However, more often than not, people try to keep as much of the past as possible: if he or she is gone, then let at least something remain unchanged. This leads to the fact that your next chosen one (or chosen one) will be very similar to the previous one.

In the professional practice of any psychologist, there are cases when a woman, talking about her fate, reports that her first husband was a goat and the second turned out to be the same goat, but with slightly different horns. Well, observing the principle of gender equality, it is worth noting that many men complain that all their wives were bitches.

The first thing to do after a divorce is to free your soul from the psychological captivity of a previous relationship. We all know how much we want to comb the site of a mosquito bite until it bleeds or to pick out a sore scratch. Having accumulated a lot of bruises and abrasions in our souls during marriage, we begin to look for something that will revive our former feelings - and unconsciously find those who will hit us in sore spots again.

But if you make even a little effort on your part to get rid of this masochism, your psychologist can help you with this.