2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
On our path in life, we meet people with different temperaments and characters. It happens, so that those who are very dear to us are not always able and able to cost dialogues, react calmly to words and actions. In such a relationship, it is difficult for everyone. However, people do not become less dear to each other. And this is important to remember!
If both sides want, they can learn to contact, taking into account the properties of temperament and character. The key word here is "want", because pride and pride sometimes overwhelm so much that people do not communicate with each other for years.
What to do when, after the passage of time, one of the parties wants to explain, clarify the situation, and is afraid to start a conversation, because it does not know how to do it?
Before starting a conversation, you can indicate the following:
“I really want to talk to you, explain how I see the situation, tell about my opinion and my feelings. But I am wary of our reactions. I want to agree on how we can control the manifestations of emotional outbursts. How can you control your emotions? Promise me that during the conversation you will use this opportunity to control yourself. For my part, I promise to control the manifestations of my emotional outbursts in this and that way."
After that, start a dialogue. However, be prepared that in the process of communication, your interlocutor may break down. In these moments, help him by reminding him of his promise.
What is important to observe in the conversation?
- Talk about your feelings and emotions. About what reactions this or that event caused in you. Make it clear what you mean when you say some words. What specific action did you say them to.
- Separate the person from their actions. Do not say "you are strange", but "your act / reaction was strange to me." Tell us your opinion about the situation. No reproaches, no arrivals. With love and warmth. Talk about your feelings. According to the following scheme: I feel …> the reason for these feelings …> why these feelings have arisen.
For example: “I feel anger and irritation when you do not answer my question, because it seems to me that you are ignoring me. It would be more pleasant and easier for me to be in this situation if you said at such a moment the reason why you do not want to answer the question. Even if the answer is: "I do not want to answer the question."
Also try to hear and accept the other's position in this situation. Find ways to cohabit these situations. It is important to understand that each of you may have your own point of view, which takes place. You may not understand it, you need to accept it, because you accept your point of view. Let the person make the choice he wants
What risk can there be in a conversation? Both parties will not be able to hold back the agreement and will switch to emotional communication. If you feel that this can happen, I recommend writing a letter to the person.
Writing structures thoughts more. They are structured by both the writer and the reader. Emotions recede and phrases are formed more balanced, loyal and flexible.
Recommendations for writing are the same as for dialogue. It is very important to voice that there is a desire to talk, but you are afraid because of the peculiarities of the characters. Whatever you want to say to a person, write on your own behalf and regarding your experiences.
At the end of the letter, it is advisable to say that you are waiting for an answer or even a meeting (subject to mutual control of emotions). Be sure to thank the person for taking the time to read your letter.
We are all different people. And everyone needs their own time to accept the situation, cool down feelings, and comprehend what is happening. It may happen that a person is not ready for such a dialogue format. He can stay in past situations. He may be guided by resentment, or pride, or pride, which will not allow the dialogue to happen (no matter which oral or written). You must understand that this dialogue is your need. Therefore, accept the needs of the other person in this situation.
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