2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The natural method of extracting knowledge (including about yourself) is a dialogue with the world, with other people … This lively dialogue is accompanied by constant internal clarification, clarification of knowledge about oneself through awareness of all aspects of the experience (starting with sensations). Such internal intimate action - the basis of the living process of the organism's co-adjustment with the changing world, the key to natural fluid self-regulation. Internal personal action cannot be delegated to anyone else.
When a person is not satisfied with the results of dialogue with the world and people. When he does not know how to use what is happening in life to extract knowledge about himself for optimal co-adjustment, self-regulation, healing. This indicates a break in contact with oneself, not enough awareness. He turns to a specialist in this matter (or a friend).
The difference between a dialogue with a psychologist and a dialogue with a friend in the fact that communication with a friend takes place in the prevailing context of relationships, views and boundaries. An interest in their preservation "edits" WHAT and HOW both participants in the conversation say to each other.
A study by Harvard sociologist Mario Louis Small found that people tend to talk about their most pressing and troubling concerns … not to loved ones. And to acquaintances or random people. Cause? They avoid talking to loved ones, predicting their reactions in advance. The fact is that we develop stereotypes about people with whom we have known for a long time. This manifests itself in communication bias.
It seems to us that we know our friend "as flaky" and understand him. And this confidence deprives us of sensitivity to the details, the nuances of what is actually being communicated to us. We communicate with the image of a friend in our head. Proceeding from unconscious premises: I know what he is saying, and he knows what I am saying, information is missing about important changes that each person undergoes, about the essence of the message.
A series of experiments (results published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2011) prove that our stereotypes about loved ones prevent us from truly hearing and understanding them. Participants in the experiments were asked to interact with family members or friends, and then with strangers. Then these two groups (strangers and loved ones) interpreted what was said. Most of the participants expected that loved ones would understand them more accurately, better than strangers. But, as a rule, the result was the opposite. Due to the bias in communication between loved ones.
So, my friend, taking into account the "editing", gives out how the problem you voiced is arranged, in its perception. The friend does not have the skills and task to distinguish her inner process from someone else's. Something from her perception can randomly resonate, respond to you. Friendly support can be nutritious, relieve tension, and comfort.
But if a person has broken contact with himself, there is no access to his own expertise, then his lot is to be regulated about others. Who will allow it and in what form. That is, the key life task of development - increasing awareness and self-regulation - is not being solved.
The psychologist is professionally aimed at development assistance. He is interested in a person solving this problem. And not in the decision for him. This position sets the direction, principles of relations and dialogue. The psychologist is obliged to see the context and what is happening between him and the person, to distinguish and not mix his processes with the processes of the person. This is called being in a meta position.
Being in it, the psychologist uses himself and what happens between him and the person in the process of dialogue as a "visual aid". So that a person can clearly see what and how he is doing with himself and others. I discovered the relationships between my internal processes (sensations, emotions-impulses, thoughts, choices), external actions and consequences. I saw how his problem was structured and felt what his way of self-regulation was. Inside psychotherapeutic communication, the psychologist can move from role to role (from authoritarian parental to curious-child and adult) - with the aim of maximum "visibility" for a person of his process.
Being in a meta position during such a specially directed dialogue is quite energy-intensive. It is no coincidence that the norm of the work of a psychologist is 4 hours a day (the same norm of teaching work for teachers according to the Labor Code of the Russian Federation). However, the involvement of a psychologist in solving a psychological problem cannot automatically remove from a person the need to learn to direct and hold attention on his inner process, to see not what he would like, but what is. To see and contact this inner world directly, in dynamics, and not through static filters of psychological concepts, societal beliefs (in the person of girlfriends, parents, the media, etc.).
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