2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Friendship is brotherhood, and in its most exalted sense it is its finest ideal.
Silvio Pellico
Affection can do without reciprocity, but friendship never.
J. J. Rousseau
Obviously, daffodils sometimes try to befriend. This attempt on the part of the narcissist is doomed to failure and unpleasant experiences for you. Narcissists are overly alert in communication and will never become the person who is associated with a friend.
An irrepressible thirst for praise and admiration will lead to the fact that you will feel constantly used. Such a “friend” will accuse you of being a bad and unreliable friend, although objectively the opposite may be true. Extreme resentment and suspicion of the narcissist will turn your friendship into walking on the edge of a knife, you will have to constantly filter what you say in the presence of such a “friend”, since anything can be interpreted by the narcissist with his usual perversity.
It is difficult to maintain a life-giving connection with a person who has disappeared into himself. Such a "friend" will assign you the role of a page, nurse, nanny and will never respond to your warmth and participation in kind. You can never count on the support and participation of such a "friend". You will always be suspected of violating loyalty. If you begin to make new acquaintances and friends, you will be accused of treason with demands to stop contact with these people in the name of maintaining friendship with the narcissist.
Not having the slightest respect for the boundaries of another person, such a “friend” will continually violate them, demanding that you devote your own time to participating in the life of the “king”.
The narcissist is not able to endure situations when no one is around, the need to constantly surround himself with a "retinue" is due to the inner emptiness. The emptiness of the narcissist is difficult to describe verbally. Emptiness is something that does not really exist, which is easier to visualize than to define through the symbolic space of language, through the image of a "black hole" into which the narcissist "falls" in the absence of objects serving as its fillers. We, people who are not burdened with this ailment, can only imagine the catastrophic nature of such an all-pervading experience. Imagine a cripple without legs, whose crutches have been taken away, falling helpless. A daffodil falling into a bottomless black hole is desperately looking for a surrogate substitute for a disadvantage (crutches, prostheses). And if suddenly you came across his arm in the absence of his "entourage", which caught the moment and disappeared, you have a chance to become his friend. This is how an usually arrogant classmate suddenly becomes friendly, nice, luring you into his nets. A person who is superior to you in age and status will show you attention and courtesy and may seem approachable and simple. In the simplicity of their soul, many can take it at face value, not noticing how they become the "meat" of a hungry narcissist. Indeed, at the initial stages of interaction with a narcissist, it is difficult to determine how a steak is made of you: you enter his office, a person with a smile asks if he is warm, how he heated it, you, as a well-mannered person, say: “Yes, good, warmly". Perhaps, somewhere, unconsciously, you caught what they want to hear from you, and gave the expected answer, not yet understanding the degree of risk. Indeed, what's wrong with that? But at this moment you have already flattened yourself with a beaten piece of meat in a heated skillet of narcissism.
Despair and shame that "overwhelm" the narcissist alone, deprive everyone who is related to him, peace and rest. In a situation of loneliness, there is a switch from grandiose narcissistic states to feelings of helplessness and shame, so the narcissist bites into you with the stranglehold of a bulldog, leaving you no space and time for himself. Not being able to do anything on his own, such a "friend" will constantly involve you in solving your own problems. At the same time, one cannot count on the return from such a “friend”.
Your successes and achievements can only cause envy and a desire to trample everything in such a “friend”. Expecting the narcissist to share the joy with a friend is bitter self-deception. On the contrary, anything good that happens to you will cause sadness and anger in the narcissistic “friend”, which may even provoke feelings of guilt in you.
Such a "friend" will give you a place next to him, if you serve as a pump, as soon as you do not give the necessary dose of food, the anger of the narcissist will fall on you.
The narcissist-friend is very demanding in relation to you, while he himself is only façade flawless. The high standards applied to you by the narcissistic "friend", the intransigence of your shortcomings, can bring a lot of bitter experiences into your life.
Sooner or later, your friendship will cease to exist, such a friendship can only be tolerated by a masochist. But why does it happen that you find yourself in the position of a friend of a person who is incapable of establishing warm and respectful relationships with other people? You probably have your own narcissistic trauma. A friend who is successful in school, career, or personal life is attracted to people who don't have it all. A friendly relationship with such a superman fills your insecure Self. When you are with such a “friend,” your sense of self-importance grows by leaps and bounds. When it happens that such a "friend" will praise you and give you an A on the "five-point", you feel like wings are growing behind your shoulders. When your narcissistic "friend" decides to "put you down", you feel like you have collapsed facedown from a great height. If your ideas about friendship and human relations generally fit into this particular scheme, it's up to you. However, think about it, perhaps friendship with a less bright and successful person will bring you more satisfaction and joy than the dubious pleasure of being a member of the king's entourage. Friendship is a relationship of equals, not something that a soulless narcissist has to offer you. In such a relationship, you are given only the role of "Echo", who does not have the opportunity to say anything on her own behalf.
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