To Love, But Not To Be Together (how Is It?)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

To love, but not to be together (how is it?)

Either I read it, or I heard this phrase from my colleagues. Periodically meditated on it, often spoke to her clients depending on situations, now the inner state responded to write, using my example.

There was a girl in my life that I loved. There was affection, it grew into a long-term relationship, many pleasant joint moments remained in my soul, as well as very difficult and painful situations. It was difficult to openly discuss important issues. The moment came when the breakup happened. We are no longer together, but the feelings remain. So what can you do? ….

Situations are different, somewhere it is possible to maintain relations, to survive a crisis, to cope with difficulties, to change your attitude towards a person, somewhere it is not possible to do this. I am writing about this option.

To love, but not to be together, it hurts

• It hurts to lose a person who was valuable, important, loved.
• It hurts to understand that there are feelings, but being together will not work or should not be.

Often, in such a situation, you find yourself in a pendulum that swings you from the inside, from hope and desire to be together, to forgive everything, to the intention to break everything that connected with a person, forget him, erase him from life.

What they usually turn to a psychologist in similar situations:

• how to forget a person
• how to stop feeling
• how to get rid of love addiction,
• is there any hope to be with him (her) again.

Returning to the question of what to do …

1. To love. Recognize and experience the feelings that are

And feelings are very different, and anger, and resentment, and need, and tenderness, and love.

If you love, then love. Love - that is, experience this feeling, but it probably cannot be expressed to another, you cannot return pleasant moments, but it remains with you, like that valuable that was. It is important not to get hung up and feelings dull over time.

You can, of course, fight and get rid of feelings, but it will be fraught, for your body or further relationships.

2. Don't be together

You still have feelings, but either you broke up, or left you, or you are at an exhausting point, what option to choose - to be with the person further or not.

One way or another, you are causing each other pain and suffering.

Not being together is not hurting each other

That is, not to be with a person.

We enter into relationships and can get hurt in them, that is, situations of another person's behavior cause pain. Not because the other person or spouse is bad, but because each of us clings to each other, with something very painful, personal, something that we ourselves do not want to see. Or the other gives us something that we ourselves do not have (activity, purposefulness, care, confidence, etc.).

This behavior can be described as dependent, here you can read about the Karpman triangle, if you are interested.

And it turns out that almost any interaction with a partner or spouse will hurt. And deeper and more painful to touch each other's wound. And ultimately, you may hate the person you once loved.

Therefore, in a relationship, someone takes this step, this decision is not to be together, despite feelings and love.

Such a person can be called a traitor, but he preserves himself, his boundaries and relieves, including you from the likelihood of hurting each other.

This decision not to be together will help heal the wound or switch.

How your relationship will develop in the future with this person will depend on the format of the relationship that you choose or agree upon, if possible.

Maybe you will return to it after a while.

Or perhaps you will seriously hurt yourself and make a conclusion for yourself: what kind of person you need, what suits you and what is not in a relationship, and you will build them with another person.

If you have not “burned out” everything positive, and even a small pleasant memory remains, you will remember the person. And someone even, somewhere deep inside to love, but not to be together.